


Only Pretending (Or Not At All)

by little_escapist



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Background Relationships, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Original Character(s), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-03
Updated: 2018-06-22
Packaged: 2019-04-17 23:49:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 59,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14200317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_escapist/pseuds/little_escapist
Summary: Kurt gets an invitation to a New Directions reunion, but he's not sure he wants to go: he's the only one not in a relationship. His roommate Blaine gets an idea - he can pretend to be Kurt's boyfriend for a week!Kurt is doubtful, because he happens to be in love with his roommate, but he agrees. He can have this one last thing, maybe he'll get to kiss Blaine, and then he will move on from Blaine for good.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to a cavalcade of clichés, because I happen to love this trope to pieces and couldn't help but try to write my own version of it. 
> 
> This fic is nearly finished, I've yet to write the last two or three chapters. At first I'll be posting once a week, on Tuesdays, but we'll see if I start posting more often once this story is complete.

 

”Honey, I’m home!” Blaine hollers as he closes the door of the apartment behind himself. It’s a running joke between them, Blaine and his roommate Kurt.

 

Normally Kurt replies with some variation of “Not your honey, sweetheart,” but this time there’s only silence greeting Blaine. That’s odd, because Blaine knows Kurt is home. Blaine’s running a little late, there was a musical disaster at the theater. Kurt’s shoes are in the hallway and his messenger bag is on the chair. Besides, Kurt is a creature of habit, and by now he’s supposed to be in the kitchen getting started with cooking their dinner.

 

Blaine drops his keys into the ashtray that got assigned a new task as a key bowl on the tiny hallway table. He steps out of his shoes before venturing into the apartment. He peeks into their small but well-furnished kitchen, and there Kurt is. He’s sitting by their two-person table, staring at a letter in his hand. His hair is pointing every which way, high coif fallen and practically destroyed, partly on Kurt’s face. Kurt is biting his lip and his eyes don’t stray from the letter. He can’t have gone overboard with shopping again, because no credit card bill is printed on violently pink paper. Blaine has no idea what it might be. He makes his way over and drops a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. Kurt’s t-shirt is impossibly soft, and Blaine resists the urge to smooth his hand down Kurt’s back just to feel the fabric under his fingers.

 

“Hey,” Kurt says.

 

“Hi. What’s that?” Blaine asks, leaning a little into Kurt to look at the aggressively colored paper over Kurt’s shoulder.

 

**Welcome**

**to New Directions’ reunion extravaganza!**

**Rachel Berry invites you to join her in Lima, Ohio, on July 13 th to 16th 2017 for singing and remembering our glorious glee club. **

**Please RSVP as soon as possible and don’t forget to tell if you’re bringing someone along.**

There’s even a golden star sticker at the bottom of the page.

 

“That’s like Rachel, alright,” Blaine comments.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Kurt snorts and drops the paper on the table.

 

“But that’s great, right? It’s right during your vacation week, and you’ll get to see all your friends.” Blaine squeezes Kurt’s shoulder a little and plots quietly to steal the shirt sometime Kurt is out. The texture feels _that_ amazing.

 

“Well, we haven’t all been in one place in three years,” Kurt says. He’s not looking at Blaine. “It would be really nice to see them.”

 

“Would be?” Blaine lets go of Kurt and walks on the other side of the table to sit down on the chair that’s unofficially his, just like the other chair is Kurt’s.

 

“I hate to be the loser who shows up to a reunion single. They’re all either in relationship with each other or bringing someone, I know it. Quinn is married now, Mike and Tina are back together and I saw on Facebook that Artie is dating someone, they were celebrating their six-month anniversary just two weeks ago. Sam and Mercedes are house hunting in LA. Santana and Britt are as strong as ever, and Rachel has Jesse no matter how dysfunctional it is between them. I hear even Puck has settled down with some single mom in Lima, I mean, dad _called me_ when he found out about it! That was the sole reason for a phone call.” Kurt pulls a hand through his hair and shakes his head. “I know they wouldn’t really care about it, but they would ask. I do lead a fabulous life, I’m in New York, I got an assistant job at Vogue for fuck’s sake. But still I hate the idea of facing them all in my single glory. I can practically hear Puck saying ‘What, no boy toy, Hummel?’”

 

“Hey, they won’t judge you,” Blaine says. “I know I’ve only met Rachel and Sam, but from what you’ve told me, they care about _you_ , not about your relationship status. Besides, there’s nothing to be ashamed of in being single, look at me, I’m single and doing great!”

 

“You broke up with Jeremiah exactly one month ago,” Kurt deadpans and gives Blaine one of his bitch stares.

 

“So? Being single is awesome.” Blaine is almost immune to Kurt’s scathing looks by now. Almost. If his tone is a little petulant, he ignores it.

 

“No, it is not. Blaine, these are the people who saw me all through high school, alone, because no one else was brave enough to come out. These are the same people who told me they felt sorry for me and then ran down the hallway into an empty classroom to make out.” Kurt gets up and walks the three steps it takes to get to the fridge. “I told them that I’d go to New York and find myself a boyfriend. Actually, that thought was what helped me through it all. I would come here and finally be happy in every possible way,” Kurt continues while rummaging through the fridge for some eggs and greens.

 

“Kurt, I thought you were happy with your life. You don’t need a significant other for that! And it’s okay that you’re not in a relationship right now,” Blaine insists to Kurt’s back. He’s not sure why Kurt is so worked up over this. Kurt might be single, but he’s far from lonely; he has friends, he has _Blaine_. He got a job right out of college and is living the dream.

 

“But it is not!” Kurt exclaims and slams the fridge door closed. “All I’ve ever had is the failure with Adam and some unsatisfactory one-timers. I want a relationship. I want the validation of knowing that someone loves me.”

 

Blaine aches for the pain in Kurt’s words. He knows that being single has been a sore spot for Kurt for a while. They’ve talked about it before, about Kurt’s dreams in high school, about the unfairness of it all when all the straight couples could walk hand in hand and kiss whenever, and there wasn’t even another gay boy for Kurt to talk with, much less anything else. Still Blaine had no idea how deep the hurt runs, how far into Kurt it reaches.

 

“Kurt, I’m sure that one day there’ll be a person who loves you so much,” Blaine says. Those words are clearly a mistake.

 

“Yeah? I’ve been waiting for that one day since I was what, fourteen? Fifteen? Seeing my peers pairing up in a million different combinations and knowing I have to wait. I have waited, Blaine. I’m 23 years old, and I’m still waiting just like I was nine years ago.” Kurt slams a pan on the stove. His shoulders are a rigid line and Blaine can see his hands shaking as he grabs the carrots and peppers he’ll need to chop.

 

“Hey, hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you,” Blaine coos as he gets up and walks over. He puts his arms around Kurt’s waist from behind and pulls him close, back to chest. Kurt leans into him. Blaine can feel how he takes a deep breath, and knows that Kurt is swallowing down tears.

 

“Kurt, you are such an amazing guy. You’re smart and witty and a damn good singer. You were practically born to perform, yet you are still equally as awesome as a designer. Not to mention that you’re absolutely gorgeous. I do not know what the universe has planned for you, making you wait for so long, but I’m sure it’s going to be great. There’ll be a guy, Kurt. You will sweep him off his feet and you’ll have the love worth writing fairy-tales about.” Blaine squeezes Kurt for good measure, knowing that Kurt needs the gesture, needs to know someone cares.

 

*

 

Kurt keeps his eyes closed as Blaine’s warm, gentle voice murmurs reassurance and beautiful words into his ear. A part of him wants to turn around and tell Blaine… tell him what? That Kurt’s the one who’s been swept off his feet, by Blaine, right when they first met on Kurt’s very first day of college? Yeah, no. Kurt told Blaine about his feelings once, and it didn’t work out. He was gently let down, and he’s not sure he can handle that kind of rejection again. If this perfect, flawless friendship is all he’ll ever get, he’ll take it. It still hurts, though, to be so completely single and longing for his best friend.

 

That’s most likely the reason Kurt hasn’t found anyone. He’s found Blaine, and his heart won’t let go no matter how much his brain wants to. Kurt wants love, he wants a family one day, he wants the exact things Blaine just spoke into his ear, so close that Kurt can feel his breath on the back of his neck. Kurt should let go of the stupid fancy of what if, the old fantasy that one day Blaine will turn around and _see_. It’s been about five years now, though, and Blaine doesn’t see Kurt any differently than that first winter, that first Valentine’s Day. Kurt needs to move on somehow.

 

“Okay, thank you. Enough of this pity-fest,” Kurt decides and peels Blaine’s arms from around him. “Move over and chop me some carrots for your omelet.”

 

“As you wish,” Blaine quips and turns away to get a chopping board.

 

Kurt lets his head fall for a second before steeling himself again. He had no idea that one innocent reunion invitation might work him up like this. But now he has to wipe that off his mind and start on dinner. That’s something he can focus on, instead of all the dumb things that usually only plague him at night, alone in his bed. He listens how Blaine starts to peel the carrots, precise movements of the knife, and pulls himself together.

 

They have a good, frustratingly domestic routine about their days by now. They’ve lived together for four years, ever since they moved off campus to a tiny apartment after Kurt’s freshman year. They’ve made space for themselves, together, their lives so melded into one another that Kurt’s not sure how he’d manage his days without Blaine’s familiar shape by his side. Their days go by a pattern. Kurt wakes up first to shower and moisturize. When he’s done, Blaine wanders into their only bathroom still half asleep and his head a wild mess of curls. Sometime later, after Kurt is dressed and Blaine has groomed his hair down – not as much as he used to, but still enough to keep the curls tame and not like a broccoli head – they have breakfast together before Kurt heads out. They meet up for lunch maybe once a week or so, mostly depending on Blaine’s schedule and how much work he has lined up. Blaine composes and directs music in two different theaters, and spends his days with choirs and actors and actresses, when he’s not home composing. In the afternoon, Kurt usually gets home before Blaine, since Blaine is often needed at the theater into the evenings. That’s why Kurt usually starts their dinner during the weekdays, and Blaine joins him when he gets home. Sometimes he only gets home in time to eat, or heat up whatever Kurt made, but that’s fine. Blaine often does the dishes and always takes care of his own share of cleaning, so Kurt doesn’t mind cooking. They hit the gym a couple of times a week, and watch trashy reality television or movies before bed. Their lives are entwined, and they are often mistaken for a couple. Kurt wonders why Blaine doesn’t see how they’d be perfect together. They already are perfect. The only thing missing is romance and sex. They’re practically married without any intimacy, especially now that Blaine and Jeremiah broke it off. Kurt feels like he’s suffocating sometimes, being so close and yet so far.

 

There are some lines they do not cross or even acknowledge, but Kurt knows they’re there. They’ve never seen each other naked despite living in a small apartment together for so long. Kurt can kiss Rachel or Mercedes without much thought, but he’s never kissed Blaine in any manner. They hardly ever cuddle, even though Blaine loves hugging Kurt, and is ridiculously tactile in general. He often places a hand on Kurt’s shoulder or arm or knee. At first it made Kurt jump, he was not used to being touched so casually, but he’s grown to need Blaine’s touches. Maybe Blaine’s touchy-feely nature lead Kurt wrong at the start, made him fall for charms that weren’t really there. They fit with each other, they’re fluent in the body language of the other and they can have whole conversations with looks only. The closeness is the best and worst part of Kurt’s life – it’s everything and not nearly enough at the same time.

 

Blaine sets the table while Kurt flips the omelets on the pan, and they sit down to eat. Kurt wants to forget his stupid, childish freak out so he asks Blaine about his day. Blaine takes Kurt’s lead and starts telling a vivid story about one of his songs being too long, according to the director of the musical.

 

“I think Sarah hates me. She’s the only director I’ve worked with that has that much to complain about. I’m so tempted to tell her to write her own music if nothing I do is good enough,” Blaine says. His tone is bitter and he’s chewing angry after he finishes ranting.

 

“She doesn’t hate you, Blaine.”

 

“But how can a musical number be too long all of a sudden, when it was agreed on with the writer I’m working with, and Sarah herself? She wants to have it half a minute shorter, and I have to arrange everything again and decide what lyrics to cut and it’s absolutely not fair. I might just as well burn the original and start from scratch.”

 

Kurt allows himself a fond smile behind his glass of water because Blaine’s looking at his plate. Kurt loves how passionate Blaine is, and how he wants everything to be perfect. Blaine does nothing half-assed. Once he’s into something, be it a hobby or work or people, he’s in all the way, no barriers whatsoever. He’s gotten hurt because of it, but he still keeps shining. Kurt loves that about Blaine; he admires Blaine’s ability to feel and show his feelings, too.

 

*

 

They sit on the couch, both completely immersed in a movie, when Blaine is suddenly struck with an impossible idea. He glances over at Kurt, whose eyes are trained on the television. It’s crazy, Blaine thinks and doesn’t say a word. It’s completely insane and beyond ridiculous.

 

Once the thought has taken him, however, he can’t focus on the movie anymore. He keeps turning it around in his head. It sounds like something out of a cheesy rom-com. Still he’s sure it would be worth it. He’d get to see Kurt’s friends and Kurt wouldn’t have to be ashamed of his single status. The others wouldn’t bother Kurt about a boyfriend. It might be the stupidest idea Blaine’s ever had, and he’s had his fair share of those, but Blaine can’t let go of it.

 

Besides, it wouldn’t even be a real hardship to pretend. Kurt is attractive, really good-looking with his long legs and styled hair, his strong jaw line and delicate eyes. Blaine has no problem being in Kurt’s personal space, he likes it there, being close and touching Kurt. It took Kurt a while to get used to Blaine’s antics, but now he welcomes Blaine close and even initiates sometimes. They could totally pull it off, they both have experience in acting. They like each other already, so it wouldn’t take such a leap to pretend to be smitten with each other.

 

As they say their good nights, the thought still screams in Blaine’s head. He gets ready for bed, and keeps thinking about it until it’s the only option left. He needs to make it happen. The biggest problem will be convincing Kurt, so he’d better get started with that.

 

*

 

Kurt’s almost asleep when there’s a sudden knock on the door of his room. He forces his eyes open, not entirely sure that he wasn’t dreaming already. Then the knock comes again.

 

“What is it?”

 

“Can I come in?” Blaine asks through the door. There’s a strange undertone in his voice, or maybe Kurt’s just too sleepy and the door does something weird to Blaine’s voice.

 

“Yeah.” Kurt sits up and pulls a hand through his hair.

 

Blaine opens the door and walks over to sit on the side of the bed. Kurt switches on the small lamp on the bedside table and squints at Blaine. His hair is free of gel, curling wildly up. He’s in his pajamas, looking impossibly soft, warm, and comfortable. Kurt kind of wants to crawl into Blaine’s lap. There’s also a spark in Blaine eye that makes Kurt a little wary.

 

“I’ve got an idea,” Blaine says.

 

“An idea that couldn’t wait until morning?” Kurt asks.

 

“Just, hear me out, okay?” Blaine makes a placating gesture and stares into Kurt’s eyes. It makes Kurt even more wary about whatever is going to come out of Blaine’s mouth next.

 

“I know you want to see your friends. Besides, the last time you went to Lima was Thanksgiving, and I know for a fact you want to see your dad. It’s about time you booked a trip.”

 

“Blaine, I told you. I do not want to be the only single person there,” Kurt says. “I don’t want to sulk alone while the others tell about proposals and anniversaries and possibility of children.”

 

“But what if you don’t sulk alone?”

 

“That’s not an option. The reunion is in three weeks. No way I’m going to meet anyone before then, much less want to take him to the wolves.” Kurt is not following Blaine’s logic at all, he just wants to go to sleep already.

 

Blaine looks Kurt in the eye a long time, like he’s waiting for Kurt to catch up. Kurt doesn’t know what he’s supposed to say.

 

“Blaine, please, I can’t read your mind. Spell it out, will you?”

 

“Take me.”

 

Kurt blinks. “I… what?” Blaine did not just say what Kurt thought he did, did he? The words are beyond dirty, and Kurt can’t come up with any reason for them right now. He’s stuck on hearing Blaine say them in the first place, he can’t figure out a meaning. He feels hot under his pajamas, and hopes that it’s dark enough to keep his blush hidden from Blaine.

 

“Take me to Lima with you. I’d love to meet your friends, and then you wouldn’t be alone. People already confuse us to a couple. I’ll be your boyfriend if you want to!” Blaine is actually serious about this, while Kurt just feels like a fish out of water – confused and suffocating.

 

“No.” Kurt says. He will not be that pathetic. That’s a level of low he’s not comfortable with. He’s not going to make his best friend pretend to be his boyfriend for a reunion of a high school glee club. He might be desperate and frustrated, but he’ll never be _that_ desperate.

 

Blaine huffs out a laugh. “I knew you’d say that. But Kurt, think about it. I want to meet your friends. You want to meet your friends. So let’s go together.”

 

“Blaine, that is not okay.”

 

“Think about it, please?” Blaine looks at Kurt pleadingly, his eyes huge and dark and Kurt has to bite his tongue. That look is not fair. Blaine gets up from the bed and backs away from the room.

 

“Let’s talk about it in the morning, okay?” he says before closing the door and leaving Kurt completely puzzled in his bed.

 

Kurt is shaken. There’s no way he’ll fall asleep after that.

 

He gets up from his bed and walks over to the window, mind a mess. The streetlights create a yellow glow into the room as he opens the blinds and stares outside.

 

So, here are the facts. Kurt is hopelessly in love with Blaine. Blaine, who just suggested they pretend to be in a relationship, so that Kurt can go to a high school reunion. Blaine, who is gentle and caring and all that is good in the world, even if he can be a little self-sacrificing and insecure at times. Blaine, who rejected Kurt years ago and still wanted them to be friends. Kurt knows he needs to move on from Blaine, see other people, try to find his happiness elsewhere because he won’t have Blaine the way he’s always wanted him. He needs to be available to others if he ever wants to date and marry and start a family. He can’t be taken by a guy he’s not in a relationship with.

 

So, he has to get Blaine out of his system. By agreeing to Blaine’s ridiculous idea he’ll get a few days of being Blaine’s boyfriend, and after that he’ll get to be free. This could be a way to get rid of his obsession with Blaine. Kurt will get to have Blaine for a short moment, and then he’ll let go for good. He’ll finally make the effort to see Blaine only as a friend. Kurt’s pretty certain Blaine can’t be as great as he’s built him in his mind, so that would only help the process along. Kurt will take this, because Blaine was the one to offer. Then, he will move on to find his happily ever after.

 

What could go wrong?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone who left kudos and/or comments! You make my life a lot better :D 
> 
> Posting the second chapter a day early, because for some reason I managed to schedule everything for tomorrow.
> 
> Also, I have no idea how NYU Tisch and its different departments and campus stuff actually work. I only took a quick look at their programs, but was too lazy to research for real, so just... go with it?

“I thought about your proposition,” Kurt tells Blaine over breakfast the next morning. They’re sitting across from each other, like they do every morning. Blaine is eating toast and Kurt’s just finishing up his cereal. The morning sun shines bright into the room. Kurt loses his courage as soon as the words are out of his mouth, and he almost wants to get up and leave for work without explaining himself more.

 

Blaine blinks at him with an adorable frown on his face.

 

“You did mean it, right?” Kurt asks carefully. If it was just an elaborate joke, he’d wash all Blaine’s whites with one red sock hidden with them.

 

“Oh, last night? Of course I mean it.” Blaine puts down his toast and focuses on Kurt. “What have you decided?”

 

“I think I’ll have to buy two tickets to Ohio,” Kurt says. There’s an odd feeling in his belly, but it’s probably because he’s just woken up and already eaten a bowl of cereal. Eating too heavily in the morning never suits him.

 

 A huge smile breaks on Blaine’s face. “This will be so fun, Kurt!”

 

Kurt only shrugs. He kind of dreads the whole thing, but at the same time he can’t deny it’s kind of exciting. “I’ll let Rachel know today that we’re coming.”

 

Blaine nods. “And what do you want to say about me tagging along?”

 

Okay, so they’re talking about this. Kurt’s not sure if he’s ready, but he guesses he’ll never be. In for a penny, here goes nothing. “She’ll assume you’re coming as my best friend, just for company’s sake and maybe to introduce you to the New Directions. But… I kind of want to take you there as something more.”

 

Kurt bites his lip. Oh shit. That sounded like he actually wants to turn this into a romantic relationship. That sounded like a pick-up line. He wants that, but not really, not anymore. He can’t want that for his own sanity’s sake. He has to convince himself he only wants Blaine for the five days they’ll spend in Lima, and after that, he’ll be free.

 

*

 

Blaine isn’t quite sure what to say to that. Yesterday night it had seemed like such a great idea, an inspired thought to make everything easy for Kurt, but now he studies Kurt’s eyes and hopes he isn’t screwing things up. This idea is more complicated than Blaine had realized. Kurt will have to lie to his friends.

 

“I can pretend to be your boyfriend. Or I can come as I am, the best friend.” Blaine is fine with whatever. He’s not in a relationship right now, and it’s not _his_ friends that are waiting for them in Lima. He only knows Rachel and Sam, but they were Kurt’s friends first, so it really is Kurt’s call to make.

 

“I know that the sane choice would be to just have you there as you are,” Kurt says slowly, twirling his spoon around in his fingers. The morning sun reflects from the metal in blinks.

 

“But?” Blaine knows there’s more. Kurt already said he wants Blaine to pretend.

 

“But I can’t help being intrigued by the idea of bending the truth a little. I want them off my back.”

 

“Then I say we go for it,” Blaine says. “It’s been a while since I’ve been acting, but I’m sure I’ll be able to sell it. And who doesn’t like to joke on their friends’ expense sometimes?”

 

“You are one truly twisted individual, Blaine Anderson. I like it,” Kurt says and claps his hands together once. Then the checks his watch and grimaces. “I need to head out before I’m late. I’ll call Rachel during lunch.”

 

“You do that. Have a good day,” Blaine calls after Kurt, who’s already ran out of the kitchen. Blaine can hear him putting on his shoes, shouting a hurried bye and then closing the door. The apartment falls into silence around Blaine, who munches on the rest of his toast.

 

Is it weird that Blaine is actually excited about this? It will be awesome to go to Lima with Kurt, to see the places and people from his childhood and teenage years. Blaine’s heard so much about Lima and everything there is. Even though Kurt says he hates the place with a passion, Blaine knows that he has many good memories there, too. The glee club was something exceptional and it changed Kurt’s life. Kurt really loves his father, and Blaine knows that Kurt really misses Burt. It’s good that Kurt gets to go back now, and Blaine will get to finally see it all with his own eyes, greet the people that helped shape Kurt into what he is today, all that while helping Kurt out.

 

Blaine is still sad for Kurt when he thinks about Kurt’s outburst the day before. He wishes there was something more he could do for his friend. The loneliness is deep within Kurt, and Blaine’s not sure there is anyone who could completely erase it. It tears at his heart to know how much Kurt hurts. This, playing pretend, is just a lame attempt but Blaine hopes Kurt will get something from it. Reassurance, that Blaine would do anything for Kurt. Hope, that he won’t be single forever because he’s amazing and deserves a true romance. At the very least Kurt will get a shoulder to lean on, because Blaine is there by his side for good.

 

*

 

Kurt stays in his office for lunch, to make his phone call without people overhearing. It’s surprisingly hard to take the phone in hand and call Rachel to tell her that he’s coming to the reunion. With Blaine. Kurt’s hands are shaking a little. It’s showtime. Rachel knows about his age old crush on Blaine, and now Kurt has to explain that they’re together and be believable. This is the first hurdle in their little scheme. Kurt feels sick and elated at the same time.

 

“Hi, Kurt! How are you?” Rachel asks when she picks up.

 

“I’m good. How’s it coming along with your play?” Kurt asks, playing with a pencil. He’s stalling, but with Rachel it’s so easy. Ask her one question and she’ll get enough steam to go on for at least ten minutes. This time she doesn’t disappoint, as she launches into a detailed account about costume fittings and songs and co-stars. The play will open in August, and Rachel is the lead. Kurt listens happily to delay the questions he’ll have to face after he tells Rachel he’s bringing Blaine to Lima.

 

“But hey, did you get anything in the mail?” Rachel asks then.

 

Kurt takes a deep breath. “Actually I did. I wonder why you didn’t just give it to me in person.”

 

“Oh, I had some free time and thought I’d make invitations to everyone. And it’s nice to get something other than just bills in the mail, right?”

 

Kurt laughs. “You’re not wrong.”

 

“You’re coming, right, Kurt? You have to come, because Quinn already sent me an email that she and her husband will be there, and Mike and Tina are coming as well, and Brittany called. I’m so excited to get everyone together again! I even managed to get us someone to open the door to McKinley, to see the old choir room!”

 

“Yes, Rachel, I’m coming,” Kurt says when Rachel stops to take a breath.

 

“Of course you are. Okay. I’ll add you to the list – I have to know how large table we need when I make reservation for Breadstix.”

 

“Actually, Rachel, make that two.”  Kurt’s heart is beating so loud he’s sure Rachel can hear it, too.

 

Rachel pauses for a long while. Then she squeals so loud that Kurt has to take the phone from his ear. “Kurt! What have you not told me?”

 

Kurt swallows. “Blaine’s coming, too.”

 

“Oh.” Rachel’s enthusiasm seems to evaporate in an instant. “Well, okay, that’s fine. I’ll add Blaine to the list. Are you sure this is a good idea? I thought you were finally working on getting over him. Some time apart might do you both good.”

 

Kurt really wants to leave it at that, but they made a deal. They agreed that Kurt is going to bring Blaine as his boyfriend. He wants to go through with it – this is his last hurrah before he will forget all about his crush. And he kind of wants to shove it in Santana’s face that he really managed to get to New York and get himself a dream of a man. But as for right now, he needs to convince Rachel that he’s in a relationship with Blaine. They really should have created a detailed getting together story. Rachel won’t be satisfied with less.

 

“Kurt, I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just worried about you, that’s all. You’ve been in love with him for so long and where has that taken you? Nowhere. I want you to have the proper, romantic relationship you deserve.” Rachel apparently thinks Kurt’s silence is of the offended kind.

 

“No Rachel, I’m not mad,” Kurt rushes to say. “There’s just… I’m trying to find the right words, here.” That’s not a lie, at least. That is very much true.

 

“Okay, Kurt, what does that mean?”

 

“Rachel. I’m not bringing Blaine as my best friend.”

 

“Oh my god! Kurt! Why didn’t you tell me about this? How did it happen? Finally he got his wits about him, jeez. It’s been forever and he’s been an oblivious _idiot_ , I am so happy for you!”

 

“It’s… it’s really new,” Kurt fumbles. He needs to sit Blaine down for some serious plotting. Rachel will want to know details, and Kurt knows that his other friends are just as bad.

 

“I’m so happy!” Rachel says again. “And you should warn your new boyfriend, I will be stealing you away on Friday night, you must tell me everything. Everything, Kurt, you’ve been longing for him forever. You must be over the moon!”

 

Kurt chuckles into the phone even though uneasiness fills him. He has to act like a lovesick fool who finally got the man of his dreams. He briefly entertains a thought of yelling “got ya!” and turning it all into a joke, because he’s suddenly very sure that this will bite him in the ass – and not in a good way. Another part of him wants this. He wants to be petty and flaunt it in front of Rachel, who has time and time again pitied him in his unrequited feelings. He wants to show Rachel that for once he can get what he wants and that he’s able to get his man. Even if it’s all a sham.

 

“You are happy, aren’t you? You’re really quiet.”

 

“Oh Rachel, you have no idea,” Kurt sighs. He makes it come out as dreamy instead of desperate.

 

“Oops, I’ve got to go now. There are drinks with our names on them on Friday, don’t you dare to forget it!” Rachel ends the call without a goodbye. Kurt sets his phone down on the desk and stares at it.

 

Oh shit, this is going to be hard.

 

*

 

After dinner they’re sitting on the couch. Their living-room barely has space for it, a tv and a shelf cramped full of books. Blaine is restless today, he can’t sit still. He has to concentrate on not bouncing his leg up and down. He kind of wants to go get his guitar, but that’s not an option. Kurt had demanded him to sit down after they finished with the dishes. There’s something Kurt wants to talk about, but he hasn’t spoken yet. It’s making Blaine all kinds of antsy, because he’s not sure what to expect. Kurt seems to be right there with him, too.

 

“Okay, out with it,” Blaine finally tells Kurt.

 

“We need a story by Friday.”

 

“A story?”

 

Kurt sighs. He’s not looking at Blaine, but fidgeting with his shirt sleeves. “Rachel wants details. I called her during lunch and told her I’m bringing you with me, and not as my best friend. She’s going to take me out on Friday and she’ll expect me to spill everything.”

 

“Well, we should keep it as close to truth as we can,” Blaine says, watching Kurt’s twisting fingers twining together and apart, together and apart. Kurt is nervous – he always plays with his hands when he’s nervous. Blaine has no idea why this conversation has Kurt on edge.

 

“But where does the lie start? How did we… become something other than friendly? And when? I told Rachel it’s new, otherwise she wouldn’t buy it.”

 

Blaine nods. “New is good, it’s more believable that way. What about last weekend?” They had gone out for some drinks last Saturday, just the two of them. Everyone else had been busy, and Blaine had suggested they go out on their own. It had been a nice night. They had sat there nursing their drinks and people-watching, making up the weirdest possible back stories for them.

 

Kurt bites his lip as he finally looks Blaine in the eyes. “Well, at least that would be new enough.”

 

“Come on, it’s perfect. Listen, this is how it happened: we went out for drinks, danced a little, things got heated on the floor and here we are.” Blaine keeps looking at Kurt to see his reaction. There’s a faint blush rising on Kurt’s cheeks and ears. Kurt nods, but his posture is stiff and his shoulders high.

 

“Yeah, it’ll work.”

 

“Hey, if this makes you nervous, we can still back out,” Blaine says gently. He reaches out a hand and pats Kurt on the arm.

 

“No!” Kurt’s denial is urgent. “I want to do this, Blaine. I… even if it’s all pretend, I want to show them that I made all my dreams come true. Like I always said I would. I need to show them that I can get the guy.”

 

Blaine smirks. This is the perfect opening to lighten things up. “Oh, get the guy? What if I got you instead of the other way around, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows playfully, making Kurt blush even harder. Kurt is fighting a smile, though. Sometimes teasing him is too easy.

 

“In your dreams. I saw you, I wanted you, and I got you. You’re too much of a gentleman to make a real first move, anyway,” Kurt quips.

 

“Is that so?” Blaine cocks his head to the side. “How would you know?”

 

“Well, I’m pretty sure that after you humiliated Jeremiah you told me you’d never put yourself out there again. You said, and I quote, you would wait for someone to come to you.” Kurt tries to imitate Blaine’s tone and doesn’t succeed very well.

 

Blaine groans and hides his face in his hands. “We agreed never to talk about that again!”

 

“Well, he did come to you after, so it wasn’t a complete failure.”

 

“Fine, fine, I give up. Feel free to tell them you got me. You got your man,” Blaine lifts his hands in surrender.

 

Kurt’s face reddens again but there’s a big smile, too. “Damn straight.”

 

“Or totally, completely queer.”

 

They burst out laughing, and all the nervous energy from before is gone. Blaine knows his joke was idiotic, but at least they’re fine, with no weird tension between them.

 

\----

 

It’s Friday. Blaine opens the door as Rachel knocks on it a little after seven. She practically jumps him in her short, black dress and that’s quite a lot more of her thigh than Blaine ever wants to see. He returns her enthusiastic hug with warmth, though.

 

“I am so incredibly happy for you two, finally you got your act together, I’ve been waiting for these news forever,” Rachel gushes as she lets Blaine go. “Now I have to steal your man for gossip reasons, though, I hope you don’t mind.”

 

Blaine’s not quite sure what to make of her words, but he decides to let it go. Rachel can be intense, just like his brother can, and it’s just easier to let them be and get their steam out without interfering. “Just return him in one piece and all is fine.”

 

“Between me and you, though, Blaine, it took you way too long. Kurt’s been miserable. But everything will be amazing now that you came to your senses. I don’t have to be mad at you anymore.” The words are dramatic, nothing less than usual Rachel, but Blaine can’t quite catch on. When has Kurt been miserable, and why didn’t Rachel ever tell that she was mad at Blaine? Before he can ask her for details, though, Kurt emerges from his room.

 

He’s impeccably dressed as always, a dark blue shirt with a shiny pattern and skinny jeans on. His hair is up high, but it curls at the front a bit more than usually.

 

“Are those jeans new?” Blaine asks. “They look amazing on you.” They really, really do – they hug Kurt’s long legs like they were painted on. They’re almost indecent. For a thousandth time Blaine wonders why no one has snatched him up yet. Is the whole gay population of New York blind when they can’t see Kurt?

 

“Yeah, they’re new.” Kurt preens at the compliment, turning around in a circle and wow, his ass. It’s always been a thing to admire, but in those dark jeans it’s almost too much. Blaine swallows and blinks, quickly looking away.

 

“Ugh, you two are going to be insufferable now, aren’t you?” Rachel huffs from Blaine’s right side. He almost forgot she was there. He wasn’t putting on a show for her sake, but she seemed to believe in their lie anyway. This is going to be easier than Blaine ever thought.

 

“What can I say?” Kurt smiles and walks over to drape his arm over Blaine’s shoulders. “He likes me.”

 

Blaine laughs. He’s hot all of a sudden. “That I do. Have fun, you two – but not too fun!”

 

Kurt flashes him another smile, full with his teeth showing, the kind he doesn’t give often. Then he offers Rachel his arm and out they go into the summer evening.

 

Blaine closes the door behind them. His heart is beating like he’s just ran a mile. He barely even put up a show for Rachel, yet his body feels like it does after a performance – hot, humming, and a little breathless. So odd.

 

*

 

Rachel is happy and full of curious energy as they reach their favorite piano bar, Callbacks. Kurt refused to talk on the way there, and he knows Rachel is almost vibrating with questions. He will be interrogated tonight, and he has to pass that interrogation. Rachel will expect a happy Kurt, ecstatic that he’s finally in a relationship with the guy he’s been crushing on for years. It’s supposed to be all bliss of newly found love, and Kurt’s not sure he can pull it off since he’s very stuck on the unrequited love stage still. They manage to find an empty table from a corner with next to no view of the stage.

 

“First round is on me!” Rachel announces and skips off.

 

Kurt breathes out his relief of escaping the questioning just a few more minutes and sits down. The place isn’t completely packed, but there’s a decent crowd. Someone is singing _Somewhere over the Rainbow_ and she’s not actually half bad. Usually the karaoke is a bit better quality than in a lot of other places, since Callbacks is NYADA students’ favorite hangout. It’s hot, a Friday night in June, and people have dressed accordingly. Rachel is not the only woman in a skirt or dress almost too short.

 

“Excuse me?”

 

Kurt turns a little to see a blonde guy in glasses. “Hi?” He’s pretty sure he’s never met the guy before.

 

“Hello. I just had to come over to tell you that your outfit is amazing, the best tonight, no doubt about it. That pattern in your shirt is to die for!” The guy has a wide smile and he’s quirky but cute. His look is almost hipster with slightly overgrown hair and big glasses, but he’s not unattractive.

 

“Well, thank you!” Kurt’s not sure what to say, how to answer this stranger’s enthusiasm, but it’s catching.

 

“My name is Chandler,” the guy says and offers his hand.

 

“Kurt.” They shake hands, Chandler’s hold lingering a little. Kurt swallows. He made a fucked-up pretend deal with Blaine, and the next moment there’s a guy, interested in him? Life is not fair.

 

“So, are you a NYADA student?” Chandler asks next.

 

“Sadly, no. I wanted to be,” Kurt confesses. “I just graduated from Tisch.”

 

“Ooh, I go to Tisch, too! I’m in the performance studies program. How come I’ve never seen you on campus? Because I would remember you!”

 

Chandler is laying it on a little thick, but he seems genuine instead of seedy, and Kurt has to admit that the attention feels amazing. He likes it. He’s pretty sure no one’s ever complimented him like this, openly and without restrictions.

 

“I was in open arts, and haven’t lived on campus in years,” Kurt tells Chandler.

 

“Are you singing tonight? I bet you sound amazing.”

 

Kurt looks Chandler in the eye. Nothing wrong with a little flirting. He’s only pretending to date Blaine, in reality he’s single. “Well, you make a convincing argument. I wasn’t planning on it, but that might have just changed,” Kurt says and winks.

 

“I can’t wait! Mind if I sit with you?” Chandler asks and almost jumps on the spot.

 

Kurt hesitates. He can’t let Rachel see this. She’s luckily still by the counter, waiting to be served. “I’m here with a friend, actually, and she needs a shoulder to cry on. I’m sorry.”

 

Chandler’s smile dims a little. “Okay. But… Can I have your phone number?”

 

Kurt smiles. “Sure.” He’s not sure what he’s doing here, but this is a step, right? He’s moving on from Blaine. They are not in a relationship – Kurt is allowed to do this, allowed to exchange numbers with cute guys who seem to like what they see. Chandler smiles and tells Kurt he’ll text. Luckily he leaves just before Rachel returns with the drinks, and Kurt doesn’t have to dodge an awkward situation.

 

Rachel sets a glass in front of Kurt before sitting down and sipping on her own drink. “Who was that?”

 

“Just some guy who liked my shirt,” Kurt says. “Suddenly it seems I’m irresistible.”

 

Rachel narrows her eyes. “Okay, Kurt, spill. Tell me everything.”

 

For a moment Kurt thinks she means Chandler, but no, she’s talking about Blaine. About the lie that has to be convincing. Kurt drinks, stalling time. “Where do I start?”

 

“Who made the first move? How did you finally figure things out? Or, well, what made Blaine finally open his eyes?”

 

They have the basic story and some details hashed out, but Kurt knows he’ll have to improvise some. Or a lot. He can only hope to remember everything to share it with Blaine. “Umm. We went out last Saturday, just us.”

 

Rachel nods several times. “Was it a date?”

 

“No!” Kurt glares at her. “Let me talk if you want to know anything. You weren’t available, and Elliott was on a gig, so it turned into us going alone. It was supposed to be just hanging out.” That’s what it was, in reality. They just sat there, as friends, like many times before.

 

“Go on,” Rachel urges as Kurt stops.

 

“We drank some, and then we danced, first apart but then suddenly with each other and…” Kurt shrugs, giving Rachel a helpless smile.

 

That doesn’t satisfy Rachel. Kurt should have known it. “Did you guys hook up?”

 

Kurt and Blaine had decided that is the most obvious route. The one everyone would go to first, the most plausible one. They have been friends for so long there’s no other way for things to escalate in a believable manner. The idea of suddenly going on dates and taking it slow makes no sense whatsoever. So, Kurt is supposed to know what Blaine looks like when he comes. Great. Kurt can feel heat traveling up his face, his ears are burning with it. He nods in answer to Rachel and hides his face in his drink.

 

“Holy shit!” Rachel screeches so loud that she almost drowns out the guy singing by the piano. She gets more than a few annoyed looks thrown her way, but she doesn’t seem to care at all, busy gaping at Kurt.

 

“Tone it down,” Kurt insists and smiles apologetically at the people glaring at them.

 

“You did not tell me! Come on.”

 

“I needed the time to process. Besides, I did call you on Wednesday.” Kurt gives Rachel a pointed look. “Not everything that happens to me is something I have to report to you right away.”

 

“Yeah, I know that, but Kurt, this is huge. It’s Blaine.” Rachel waves her hands all over and almost spills her drink in the process. “You’ve been panting after him for years.”

 

“I have not been panting after anyone,” Kurt says, working his way from annoyed to outraged. He’s not that bad!

 

“Oh ho boy, you have! But that’s not the point anymore. You’ve got him, Kurt. You’ve got the man of your dreams and I could not be happier for you.”

 

That makes Kurt fall silent. He forces a smile that he hopes looks dreamy and disbelieving enough. Blaine is the man of his dreams, beautiful inside and out, perfect for Kurt. He’s known it for a while now, miserable and frustrated at the situation. And now he’s supposed to act like he’s together with Blaine. He has to act like Blaine is actually his even though nothing has changed. Kurt questions again his sanity. Why did he go along with this? Why did Blaine even give him the option?

 

“It only now hit you, huh?” Rachel asks, this time speaking so softly that it almost disappears under the laughter from the next table.

 

“Yeah,” Kurt nods. He takes a long drink from his glass. “Holy shit indeed.”

 

 ----

 

Chandler does text Kurt just like he promised. He flatters Kurt over and over again, writes superlatives about Kurt’s karaoke song from Friday night. It’s fun, flirting via text. Kurt can’t deny how much he likes the way Chandler makes him feel. He stays up late on Saturday night texting, giggling to himself, because Chandler is silly, over-the-top, and cheesy as hell. Apparently that works for Kurt. It also gives him hope that things will work out even though he never gets to have Blaine for real.

 

Telling Blaine about Chandler is difficult. Kurt’s not quite sure how to approach the subject. It’s stupid, because they’ve always been open about the happenings in their lives, they know each others’ friends and co-workers at least by name. Kurt struggles, and eventually Blaine catches on.

 

*

 

Blaine is sitting in the living room, staring mindlessly some reality show about weddings. It’s Monday night and nothing sensible is on, yet at least. He can hear Kurt laughing by himself in the kitchen, and doing the dishes has never been that much fun for Blaine. He shuts off the tv, cutting an angry bride rant off mid-word, and walks over to the kitchen.

 

Kurt is standing by the sink, late summer sun shining in from the window and coloring his hair golden. He has his phone in his hand, and his shoulders are shaking from laughter. Blaine leans his shoulder on the doorway and just looks at Kurt. Kurt is beautiful, tall and muscular and he looks so, so happy in that moment. Blaine wishes for a camera, for an ability to capture this moment right here, simple contentment settling in his belly.

 

“What’s so funny there?” Blaine asks finally, breaking the silence and scaring Kurt.

 

“Shit, Blaine, I thought you were in the living room,” Kurt exhales and clutches the phone to his chest – he almost dropped it in the soapy water.

 

“Didn’t mean to scare you. I just came over to see why _doing the dishes_ has you giggling to yourself. I’ll let you do them more often, if you enjoy it so much.”

 

Kurt bites his lip and looks over. His face is almost ashamed, and Blaine can’t begin to tell why that could be.

 

“Um… I got a text.”

 

“Care to share the joke? I could use a laugh after today,” Blaine says. It comes out weirdly possessive and makes him frown at himself.

 

“It’s from a guy I met on Friday.” The words are like a guilty confession. “He’s been texting me all weekend.”

 

Blaine manages to swallow down the irrational hurt at that. What is wrong with him? He should be happy for Kurt. He _is_ happy for Kurt. “Wow. That’s great, right? Have you finally found your soulmate?”

 

“I wouldn’t say that. His name is Chandler, and he’s… enthusiastic about pretty much everything. He makes me laugh.” Kurt shrugs and sets the phone away to continue with the dishes. “I’d like to see if it could turn into something, maybe.”

 

“You deserve happiness, Kurt,” Blaine says. He almost congratulated Kurt but pulled the words back. They don’t seem right. He can’t quite make himself say that he’s happy for Kurt when there’s suddenly a lead weight somewhere in his stomach. “Have you arranged a date yet?”

 

Kurt shakes his head without looking at Blaine. “No. I… I thought it would be smart to wait until after we come back from Lima.”

 

He doesn’t say, when the charade over, but it hangs in the air between them. Blaine’s still trying to figure out why he feels betrayed. Kurt is not his to own no matter how much Blaine likes having him around all the time. It’s a good thing, Kurt finally having a prospect of dating after being alone for so long. He’s been single way too long, and now with the reunion coming up Blaine has learned just how much that’s been eating Kurt up inside.

 

This is good, Blaine tells himself as he turns and goes back to the couch, leaving Kurt to his texting. But why doesn’t it feel good?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos! They are the reason to most of my smiles nowadays.
> 
> I've been working on the ending of this story. There'll be 19 or 20 chapters in total, and about 50k words.

 

Kurt should have known this plan would come back to kick him in the ass. He really should have considered again, thought about everything that he has to do, has to lie about, before accepting Blaine’s proposition.

 

Kurt has completely forgotten about his dad and Carole until his dad calls him on Tuesday, a week after he and Blaine made their pact. Blaine’s in his post-gym shower, and Kurt is reading a magazine when his phone rings. The name of the caller on the screen makes Kurt feel sick. How has he not thought about this?

 

Not answering is not an option. “Hi, dad.”

 

“Hey, kid. How are you?”

 

“Actually, I’m kind of busy right now,” Kurt lies quickly to have a chance to regroup. “Can I call you back in a moment?”

 

His dad doesn’t seem to hear anything odd in Kurt’s voice, because he simply just agrees and finishes the call.

 

Kurt rushes to the bathroom door, phone still in hand. He feels a panic rising. He can’t lie to his dad, not about something like this. They’re going to Lima, and dad will want Kurt home instead of in a hotel, and that means Kurt will be taking Blaine home in the most literal sense.

 

“Blaine! Blaine, I need you,” he shouts through the bathroom door.

 

The shower shuts off immediately, and two seconds later Blaine opens the door, wet, only a towel wrapped around his hips. Kurt concentrates on looking him in the eye instead of anywhere lower.

 

“What’s wrong?” Blaine asks. His eyes are wide.

 

“Dad,” Kurt chokes out.

 

“Oh no. What’s happened? Do you need me to look at flights? Is there anything else I can do?” Blaine is stepping out of the bathroom, securing his towel better around his waist and looking around like he’s looking for something. Then he reaches out to Kurt, almost touching his arm, but seems to change his mind, and ends up with his hand hovering in mid-air.

 

Kurt stares at him before he realizes what Blaine’s thinking about. Burt’s health hasn’t been the most stable thing in the past, but he’s been fine for a while already. “No, no, he’s fine, it’s not like that.”

 

Blaine lets out a huge breath and shakes his head. “You had me really scared there for a moment. Why are you out here screaming for me, then?”

 

“It’s just… Dad called. And I have no idea what to say to him. You’re coming with me to Lima in two weeks and we won’t be staying in a hotel and… Am I going to lie about this to my own father?” Friends are one thing, this can be pulled off as an elaborate prank with them if needed, but Kurt can’t do that for his dad. There’s no way.

 

“I think that has to be your call,” Blaine says. “Let me wash the conditioner out, and I’ll be with you in a minute?”

 

Kurt nods. “Yeah, okay.” It’s better to have this conversation while Blaine is properly clothed, anyway.

 

Blaine goes back to the bathroom and after a moment the shower is running again. Kurt breathes deep. He’s seen Blaine shirtless before, they’ve lived together long enough for that, spent hot summers together, but the effect is always the same. Kurt gets flustered when Blaine’s around without a shirt on. And this time his slightly hairy chest had been glistening wet. Kurt bites his lip to keep from groaning and hurries to the living room before Blaine comes out and finds him frozen on the spot by the door.

 

“Just a moment,” Blaine calls as he goes to his room, and then, a minute later, returns in sweats and an old Dalton t-shirt. His hair is still wet. He sits down on the couch and pats a spot to get Kurt to join him. Kurt goes, twirling the phone in his hands, mind already occupied by the phone call he’ll have to make. He doesn’t want to lie to his dad. He has no idea how it all will work out, because they’ve barely had to pretend in front of anyone yet. The two-minute meeting with Rachel by the door last Friday does not count.

 

“I don’t know what to do,” Kurt says. “He won’t approve of our little scheme, he’d ask me a ton of questions and tell me how I don’t need to pretend happiness. I don’t want to deal with that. But then, on the other hand, he’ll know if I lie to him. He’s really good at that. I can’t lie to my dad!”

 

“It does suck,” Blaine says slowly. “I’m sorry I came up with this.” He combs his fingers through his wet hair, and Kurt kind of wants to do that for him.

 

“Blaine, I agreed to that. It’s not your fault that I’m hopelessly single and can’t face my old friends alone.” Kurt rolls his eyes at himself. It kind of is Blaine’s fault that he’s single, but he’ll never let Blaine know that. If only Kurt wasn’t so gone on Blaine, his life would be a lot easier. He wouldn’t have to lie, or feel guilty about texting with Chandler.

 

“Hey, none of that now. Kurt, you’re amazing. Besides, don’t you have something going on with that Chandler guy? You’re not as hopeless as you think. And I get it, it’s not nice to be the only single person in the room.”

 

No, Blaine does not get it all. Kurt can man up and admit that he agreed to this partly because it would give him an opportunity to be physically close to Blaine. It might have started from being miserable in company of couples, but it soon got more dimensions than that. Kurt really is the definition of pathetic.

 

“I can’t believe what I’m about to say, but Blaine, I think I’m seriously considering deceiving my own father.”

 

“I’m game whatever you decide as long as you tell me what you’ve landed on,” Blaine says.

 

“That’s not fair to you,” Kurt points out and drops his head on the back of the couch. He stares at the white ceiling and almost wants to call off the whole reunion right then. “You keep saying that I have to call the shots here, but you do have a say on things. I feel like I’m using you, jeez.”

 

“Who came up with this in the first place? I’ll gladly play your boyfriend, but if you don’t want that, it’s fine. I can be whatever.” Blaine turns and pulls a leg underneath him so that he can face Kurt better.

 

Kurt turns his head to look Blaine in the eye. The honey eyes are serious and calm. Kurt draws strength from that. “Okay, fine. I guess I’m telling him the news – the show must go on.”

 

*

 

Blaine sits quietly in place as Kurt chooses Burt’s number and lifts the phone to his ear. Blaine can’t begin to guess how nervous Kurt must be. It feels wrong to lie about this to Burt – a whole different ball game than telling Kurt’s friends the same thing. Blaine’s only met Burt twice during the years, but he’s been present with Kurt enough to feel like he really knows the man. Burt is honest and kind, and most off all, loves his son. Blaine has a lot of respect for Burt, who is supportive and proud of Kurt, everything a model parent should be. Kurt talks to his father often, and tells him things Blaine would never even imagine sharing with his parents. And now it feels like they are paying back Burt’s pride and trust with a silly lie. Blaine almost tells Kurt to take it back, but that’s the moment Burt finally picks up.

 

“Hi, dad,” Kurt greets into the phone. “I… there’s actually something I need to tell you.” He looks at Blaine, and Blaine shoots him a reassuring smile. It’s all he can do right now, and it doesn’t feel like enough at all.

 

“No, no, it’s something good. Something amazing, actually. I’ve got two things for you,” Kurt says.

 

Blaine leans back against the armrest and bites his lip, waiting. Moment of truth – or well, lie. Kurt seems almost at ease now, a slight smile on his face and his eyes bright. His voice is happy and Blaine smiles, too. It’s time to really sell it.

 

“Do you have any plans in mid-July? I’m planning on coming over. Is it alright to stay there? We’re flying to Columbus on the 12th.” Kurt nods, looks at Blaine and gives him a one-handed thumbs-up.

 

“Yes, dad, you heard right, I said we.” Blaine swears Kurt actually looks like the cat that got the canary. There’s not a drop of shame in him now. It looks good on Kurt.

 

“Rachel’s organizing a New Directions’ reunion while she’s house-sitting for her dads. No, I’m not coming with Rachel. Or well, I am, but… Blaine’s coming, too. We were thinking of doing the whole meeting the parents thing.” Kurt bites his lip, listens intently. Blaine strains to hear, but he can only make out Burt’s voice, not any actual words.

 

“As in boyfriends, dad.”

 

Blaine is in no way prepared for the way that simple statement makes him feel. He’s suddenly too hot under his skin, and he has to reach for Kurt’s free hand to hold on to it. Kurt raises a curious eyebrow but lets Blaine twine their fingers together. The small contact soothes something in Blaine, makes everything more real. Kurt’s fingers are warm in his, long and delicate.

 

“Yeah, he’s right next to me,” Kurt says then, before offering the phone to Blaine. “He wants to talk to you.”

 

Blaine swallows before accepting the device. He keeps his left hand in Kurt’s as he greets Burt.

 

“I hear you’re dating my son now,” Burt says. His voice is gruff but warm.

 

“Yeah,” Blaine confirms. His mouth is dry.

 

“It’s about time you two stopped dancing around each other. It’ll be nice to see you again, Blaine.”

 

“You too, sir,” Blaine answers, old habit kicking in because he’s nervous as hell.

 

“I’ve told you, son, don’t bother with the sir. It’s just Burt. You’re practically family, anyway. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks.”

 

“Yeah, see you, Burt,” Blaine says, feeling small and meek and guilty. He could faint any moment. The gives the phone back to Kurt and closes his eyes. Now that is done. There’s no going back unless they want Burt’s wrath on themselves.

 

\----

 

They arrange their flights with Rachel so that all three of them can go together. That means their next test at acting like a couple. In the morning, way too early for either of them, Kurt seems nervous and on edge, but Blaine manages to distract him enough by playing one his new songs and asking for feedback on it. Blaine himself is relatively calm still, considering that he’s about to meet Kurt’s parents and friends soon. As a boyfriend. He’s still waiting for his nerves to kick up when they take a cab to the airport. As they check in and head through security, he’s still okay. He holds Kurt’s hand for Rachel’s benefit as they wait by the gate, and it’s nice. It all feels surprisingly normal.

 

As they sit down in the plane Blaine finally realizes he’s going to Lima with Kurt. He’s sitting between Kurt and Rachel, and Rachel keeps chattering about restaurant reservations and groceries and what kinds of alcohol she needs to buy them, but Blaine has to tune her out and turn to Kurt.

 

“What is it?” Kurt asks. He must see the sudden anxiety in Blaine’s eyes.

 

“We’re really doing this,” Blaine says.

 

“Oh, there’s no need to worry, Blaine,” Rachel butts in. “We are a friendly bunch of people who love to sing. You have nothing to be scared of.”

 

“Or at least used to love to sing,” Kurt mutters to Blaine. “And not that friendly all the time, either.”

 

“Oh good, that calms me down,” Blaine says and glares at Kurt, who only smirks.

 

“You’re the one who wanted to come with.”

 

Blaine decides to accept his fate, but he reaches for Kurt’s hand again and holds on. Rachel notices it and gives them a dazzling smile. Blaine looks bashfully down. Oh, Rach, if you only knew, he thinks.

 

They keep holding hands until Kurt nods off and his hand slips out of Blaine’s grasp. His head is heavy on Blaine’s shoulder, though, and Blaine enjoys the proximity. He likes to touch people that are important to him, and he’s almost felt touch-starved after he broke up with Jeremiah in May. He needs to be close to people. Touching Kurt is like nothing else, though. Blaine is comfortable and happy in Kurt’s company, they know each other better than anyone, and being physically close adds to it. This right here, sitting together and Kurt subconsciously seeking Blaine out, is better than any other contact. Kurt doesn’t usually initiate touching, so having him asleep against Blaine’s shoulder makes Blaine smile fondly.

 

Rachel, of course, focuses on that.

 

“You look great together,” she says, smiling.

 

“Oh, thank you, we know.” Blaine tries to turn it into a joke, because he’s not sure how to respond.

 

Rachel giggles. “It just makes me happy to see you happy. See him happy, at last. You know that he hasn’t had the easiest time with anything.”

 

“Yeah,” Blaine agrees. He needs to change the subject right now. “Speaking of happy couples, where’s Jesse? I thought he’d come with us, too.”

 

“Oh, he’s flying in tomorrow,” Rachel answers. “He has a meeting this evening that he couldn’t cancel.”

 

“A new show?” Blaine asks. Jesse St. James, Rachel’s on again, off again boyfriend is a director. He’s done some shows on Broadway and all around the country.

 

“Possibly. I have no idea, it’s all very hush-hush and Jesse won’t tell me what they’re planning!”

 

Blaine bites his lip. He’s too aware that Rachel and Jesse have a rocky relationship. “Maybe he wants it to be a surprise?” he says, trying his best to cheer Rachel up.

 

Rachel hums. “Who knows.”

 

They fall into silence. After a moment Rachel digs out a magazine and loses herself in the glossy pages of it. Blaine leans his head against the head rest and then tilts a little to feel Kurt’s hair against his cheek. The plane is relatively quiet, there are no screaming children or too loud conversations going on. Blaine’s nervousness has somewhat evaporated, and he feels suddenly content to sit right there, Kurt’s breath tickling his neck, warm and heavy by his side. Blaine wants to stay on the plane forever.

 

*

 

Kurt wakes up to Blaine’s gentle fingers petting his hair. He blinks his eyes open and lifts his head from Blaine’s shoulder to see people getting up from their seats and reaching for their things in the overhead compartments.

 

“We’re here?” He meets Blaine’s warm, dark eyes and realizes their noses are almost touching. He pulls back quickly and feels his cheeks flushing. Whoops.

 

“Yeah, we’re here,” Blaine says. “Did you sleep poorly last night? You were completely out of it.”

 

Kurt shrugs. It had taken some time for him to fall asleep, thinking about Blaine and the next days. What they’d have to say and do to keep up their charade. How he isn’t going to lie to himself – he keeps hoping that his friends will urge them to kiss at some point, even if the thought frightens him at the same time. It’s only that he’s been dreaming about it for so long, and now… he might get to, even though it means nothing to Blaine. But at least Kurt would know what it’s like before he moves on and goes out with Chandler and gets over Blaine.

 

“Okay, you two. Let’s head out,” Rachel says, already standing up on the aisle. “Kurt, your dad is driving us to Lima, right?”

 

“As you’ve asked three times already, yes,” Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes.

 

They get out of the plane and through the baggage claim without problems. Kurt tries not to be too nervous about Blaine meeting his dad. They’ve met before, twice in New York when Burt and Carole visited. It should all be just fine. Kurt still doesn’t feel ready. He gets a moment more to prepare, because once they have their bags, Blaine thrusts the handle of his bag to Kurt and tells them he needs to go to the restroom. Kurt and Rachel stop to wait for him. Rachel watches Blaine’s back until it disappears into the mass of people before she speaks.

 

“You can kiss in front of me, you know that, right?”

 

“What?” Kurt did not expect that to come out from her mouth.

 

“Don’t think I didn’t notice you on the plane when he woke you up. You practically jerked away from him.” Rachel places a hand on Kurt’s arm. “I don’t mind if you kiss.”

 

Kurt grimaces. “Well, it’s Ohio,” he shrugs and hopes she’ll take his word for it. It’s the best excuse he can come up with.

 

Rachel gives him a sad smile and pats his arm. Kurt has to look down to escape her well-meaning sympathy. He’s really not ready for this.

 

Blaine returns soon, and Rachel is already going full steam ahead with planning and making a mental list of everything that she still needs to do. Kurt gathers his courage and takes Blaine’s hand, tangling their fingers together. They have an image to sell, and they have to sell it well. Kurt knows that if this was real, he’d hold his boyfriend’s hand tight and walk with him tall and proud, no matter where they were. Blaine glances at him and smiles, squeezing Kurt’s fingers a little. Kurt returns the smile. It feels so good. He can’t help but long for a reality of this.

 

Burt is waiting for them, cap on his head and a wide smile on his face. Kurt is glad to see him, he always is. It’s been over six months since he last saw his dad, visiting Ohio on Thanksgiving. Kurt really doesn’t miss Lima, but he does miss his family. Kurt lets go of Blaine to go hug his dad.

 

“Hey, buddy,” dad greets him and he envelopes his arms around Kurt’s shoulders.

 

“Hi, dad.” Kurt pulls away. “You doing okay?” He can’t ever really let go of the worry that something will happen to his dad and he can’t do anything about it, being so far away. His dad’s health has been alright in the last few years, but the memory of him in coma will remain with Kurt forever.

 

“Of course, I’m better than ever.” He looks it, too, his skin is nicely colored and his eyes are bright. He seems to have lost a little weight, too, but in a good way.

 

“I believe you brought someone I need to meet,” Burt says then.

 

“Oh, yeah.” Kurt takes a deep breath and turns to look at Blaine. There’s a nervous edge to his smile, but he steps closer and offers his hand to Burt.

 

“Good to see you, sir. It’s been a while,” Blaine says, ever the gentleman. Kurt tries to not swoon.

 

“It certainly has. And things have changed quite a bit since then.” Burt eyes Kurt, then Blaine, and pulls a mock-stern face.

 

Kurt bites his lip nervously. He knows that Blaine likes his dad, and he’s pretty sure his dad liked Blaine, but that was before Blaine was introduced as the boyfriend. The lie leaves a bad taste in Kurt’s mouth. Then Blaine puts an arm around Kurt like it’s something natural and nothing new. Well, when Kurt thinks on it, it isn’t. Only that they’ve left the touchiest part of their relationship at home, never flaunting it in front of people. Kurt relaxes against Blaine’s side and hopes that’s all it takes to convince his dad. Burt gives them a smile that Kurt reads as ‘let’s talk later’ before he turns to greet Rachel. Blaine takes the opportunity to whisper to Kurt.

 

“Okay?” His breath is warm on Kurt’s ear and neck. His arm feels so right, so nice around Kurt’s waist.

 

Kurt nods, feeling shaky and out of his depth. “Yeah.”

 

“We’ll be fine. Stop worrying so much,” Blaine says and pulls Kurt closer.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've now finished writing this story, so I'll start publishing two times a week - on Tuesdays and Fridays! 
> 
> Thank you for your comments and kudos, they mean the world to me.

 

The drive to Lima goes by surprisingly quickly. Rachel keeps chattering to Burt about this and that, and Kurt offers his commentary when he gets the chance. Blaine keeps to himself, nervous and excited at the same time, sitting on the back seat right behind Kurt and staring out of the window. There’s not much to look at, there. Kurt tries to invite him into the conversation every once in a while, but Blaine just offers short, polite answers. He can’t concentrate on what they’re talking about. Luckily Rachel is more than happy to fill the space with her voice, and Blaine is allowed his silence.

 

Burt drops Rachel off at her dads’ house first. The cozy, quiet neighborhoods are nothing special, similar to many other middle-class neighborhoods in Ohio. The grass is green, lawns are well maintained, and there are some trees on the yards as well. Everything looks neat but lived-in. There are some bright children’s toys scattered here and there. Kurt seems fine as he asks his dad about the guys at the garage. He had been tense and nervous at the airport, but now their roles have shifted, and Blaine is the nervous one. Kurt is home, because no matter how long a person lives somewhere, the place they grew up will be a part of them. Lima is a part of Kurt, no matter how much he might resent it at times. That’s one of the reasons Blaine wanted to come along. He wants to see Kurt here, in his teenage haunts. This place has done a lot to shape the person Blaine lives with.

 

“So, Blaine, how is the new musical coming along?”  Burt asks and pulls Blaine from his musings.

 

“Everything’s running smoothly, and that’s one of the reasons I was able to come here,” Blaine says.

 

“Kurt’s told me the director is giving you grief.”

 

Blaine smiles. It’s nice that Burt knows him through Kurt, that Kurt shares Blaine’s life with his father, too. It’s nice to be included, and a little overwhelming that Burt not only listens but also remembers stuff like that.

 

“She thinks that I’m some sort of miracle worker that can just come up with new arrangements overnight. But we’re getting better at tolerating each other. She has found out that I’m not actually superhuman,” Blaine tells Burt.

 

“You’re so modest,” Kurt protests from the shotgun seat.

 

“It’s not modesty to say that I can’t rewrite a song in one day,” Blaine quips back. “It takes time to get things working.”

 

“But you’re still amazing at what you do,” Kurt says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world for him to say.

 

“Aww, honey,” Blaine croons jokingly. Kurt doesn’t give empty compliments, and it’s a little silly how happy that almost off-handed comment makes Blaine.

 

Burt is clearly amused by them, as he chuckles when he turns to a driveway on the left side of the street. “Alright, kids, we’re here.”

 

The light blue house has two stories and a two-car garage. There’s a tree on the front lawn and a white porch. It looks cozy, lot nicer than the glass and stone modern mansion Blaine grew up in. This place looks lived-in and a little worn but all the warmer for it. It’s a place for a family. Blaine likes it, and he says as much.

 

“It might not be anything extraordinary, but it’s home,” Burt says as they get out of the car. He goes to open the trunk and Kurt hurries to take their suitcases before Burt gets that far. Blaine reaches for his own suitcase as Kurt sets it down.

 

“It looks so homey,” Blaine says to both Kurt and Burt.

 

Kurt shoots him s happy, pleased smile. He knows where Blaine grew up, he’s seen some pictures. Blaine likes to think that Kurt knows him well enough to be aware that this is what Blaine actually prefers. Blaine wants to live in a home, not in a catalogue shooting spot.

 

They take their luggage inside. The hallway is roomy and airy, and on the right there are stairs up. Kurt quickly shows Blaine the well-equipped, white kitchen and warm, a little nest-like living room. Blaine decides that it all looks very nice and welcoming. He wouldn’t feel uncomfortable here. Everything is clean but slightly cluttered, there are magazines on the coffee table and two dirty mugs in the sink. Not everything is picture-perfect and spotless, and Blaine loves it.

 

“The guest room is on the left,” Kurt tells Blaine when they head upstairs with their suitcases in tow. “My room is on the right, and the bathroom is next to the guest room.”

 

“Kurt, hold up,” Burt calls from the first step. “Do you honestly think I’m going to make you sleep in different rooms?”

 

Blaine pauses and turns to stare at Kurt. They’ve shared a bed a couple of times before, back when they still lived in the dorms and ended up hanging out so late that it was easier to crawl in to one bed and spend the night for whoever was visiting. Blaine remembers hot it had flustered Kurt back then, but it hadn’t been weird. Blaine’s fine with it now, if Kurt is. It might actually be nice to sleep next to someone. It’s been too long since Blaine had that chance. Kurt looks hesitant, though.

 

“I don’t know?” Kurt says, both as an answer to Burt and question to Blaine.

 

Blaine shrugs a little to subtly show Kurt that he’s fine with it. He really doesn’t mind sharing with Kurt.

 

“You’re two adults who live together, Kurt. I’m not a fool. You’re not sixteen anymore, those house rules apply no more.”

 

“They only ever applied to Finn, anyway,” Kurt says softly.

 

“They would have been your rules as well, Kurt, had things been different, and you know it,” Burt says, and his voice is gentle. Blaine almost feels like an intruder in this conversation. “But seriously, I’m not delusional enough to make two grown-ups sleep in different rooms.”

 

“Okay,” Kurt says quietly and gives Blaine a look. They take the last few steps up and Kurt gestures to the right, to his room. Blaine follows him without saying anything.

 

The walls are warm beige, and the curtains are green. There are several throw-pillows on the bed, and a large vanity in the corner. A mostly empty bookshelf takes up one wall. There are some mementos on the shelves, some photos and trinkets that Blaine can’t wait to explore, if he’s allowed. The room looks like Kurt even though it’s clearly unlived-in. Kurt hasn’t lived there in years.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, sitting down on the bed.

 

“What for?” Blaine asks, sets his suitcase down and goes to sit next to Kurt.

 

“This. We clearly didn’t think everything through.” Kurt fiddles with his fingers, not looking at Blaine. Blaine reaches over to take one of Kurt’s hands to his.

 

“Calm down. It’ll be fine.”

 

“How can you say that?” Kurt looks at Blaine, his blue eyes hesitant.

 

“I don’t mind sharing, Kurt. We can absolutely share for a few nights, this is nothing new. You’re getting yourself worked up over nothing.” Blaine holds Kurt’s gaze and smoothes his thumb over the back of Kurt’s hand over and over again.

 

“It’s not just that,” Kurt says, turning his face away, hiding from Blaine’s eyes.

 

“What is it, then?”

 

Kurt takes a deep breath and lets it out before answering. “PDA. Rachel told me at the airport that she won’t mind if we kiss in front of her. She thought we were holding back because she was there. So, just so you know… we might have to do something.”

 

“Oh.” Blaine had not expected Kurt to say that. He has to think a moment how to put his words, because this is not something he’d thought about. “But, Kurt, even if this was for real, I don’t think I’d be big on PDA.”

 

“Me neither. They know I’m private.” Kurt closes his eyes and breathes again.

 

“So, just sitting next to each other, and some casual touches, that should do the trick. We’ll do this our way,” Blaine says trying to assure Kurt that everything is fine. They will be fine. He knows how to make Kurt feel better, if nothing else. They’ve been on the same wavelength since the start of their friendship. “They know you. They won’t expect us to be over-the-top touchy. Don’t be so nervous about this.”

 

“I hope you’re right. My friends can be kind of insane.”

 

Blaine tightens his hold on Kurt’s hand. “I’m always right.”

 

The joke works like a dream. Kurt snorts and takes his hand away. “I beg to differ, mister we’ll manage with just six plates in the cupboard. _We’ll do the dishes more often._ ”

 

Blaine rolls his eyes. “You keep bringing that up, after all this time.”

 

“Only when you need a reminder about reality,” Kurt says airily and gets up. “Ready for a bit more thorough tour?”

 

*

 

After Kurt showed Blaine more of the house and the back yard they are sitting in the living room chatting with Burt. Carole is at work, so they’ll meet her later. It’s nice to just sit down with dad. Kurt always misses him. They meet so rarely these days, and though they speak on the phone at least once a week, it’s not the same. Blaine is sitting right by Kurt’s side, just slightly closer than normal, and that’s nice as well.

 

“So, you never told me how you got together,” Burt says, giving them a long look that almost makes Kurt move away from Blaine.

 

“Well, we went out dancing, and… stuff happened,” Kurt bites out. He’s face must be as red as a tomato.

 

“He just opened my eyes all of a sudden,” Blaine continues, lifting an arm up on the back of the couch, around Kurt’s shoulders. “He’s always been there, right next to me, and I just didn’t see. It’s crazy to think about it now. I can’t believe I didn’t realize my feelings go beyond friendship.”

 

Kurt leans into him, squeezes his eyes shut and bites his lip. He wishes those words were the truth. As lies, they just sting. He’s too aware of his dad’s eyes on them, and Burt is assessing them, Kurt knows it. He knows his dad. So he needs to turn on a smile.

 

“You’re not always the quickest to get things,” he says to Blaine. He somehow manages to make it teasing instead of bitter.

 

Blaine nudges him. “That’s not fair!”

 

Kurt’s phone chirps in his pocket, and he digs the device out. It’s Rachel, asking if they want to join her for coffee at the Lima Bean. Apparently Mercedes and Sam have flown in, too, and are already in Lima. Kurt smiles. He hasn’t seen Mercedes in ages, and this is the perfect thing to use to avoid his dad’s questions.

 

“Dad, do you mind if we go out for a bit? Some of the New Directions are already in town and want to meet up,” Kurt says.

 

“No, of course you must go. But you should pick up dinner on your way back,” Burt says.

 

“Sure, we’ll bring something to eat.”

 

\----

 

The Lima Bean hasn’t changed at all. It’s like a trip back in time as Kurt steps in. Everything seems the same it’s always been: too-small tables, long line to the counter, lots of high school kids. The place is hot and crowded, smell of coffee lingering in the air and people chatting. Sun shines in from the windows, bringing the heat up even more. And there, by the window in one of the larger tables, sit Mercedes, Sam, and Rachel. Kurt heads over to them, trusting Blaine to follow him. After dodging a group of high schoolers he rushes to hug the woman who he used to call his best friend before Blaine.

 

“Mercedes! It’s been forever!” Kurt holds on, and Mercedes clings back, laughing softly into Kurt’s ear.  Hugging her is like coming home. She’s color and sweet perfume and warmth, and Kurt has missed her a lot. They still email and call every once in a while, but the distance keeps working against them. It’s been over a year since they last saw each other, and in Kurt’s book that’s just too long.

 

“Ooh, how I’ve missed you,” Mercedes says as they pull apart. She looks amazing in a rich pink t-shirt and glossy hair. “And who did you bring with you?”

 

Kurt takes a step back to Blaine’s side. “Mercedes, meet Blaine Anderson.”

 

“Finally. I’ve heard so much about you that I almost feel like I know you already. And Kurt’s not the only one who talks about you – Sam as well,” Mercedes says as she shakes the hand Blaine offered her. “I’m Mercedes Jones.”

 

“Good to see you both again,” Sam pipes up from behind her. Sam had a modeling gig in New York about two years ago, and he stayed a week with Kurt and Blaine during the time. He struck a fast friendship with Blaine, and Kurt knows that they email each other still.

 

Mercedes makes way to let Sam hug both Kurt and Blaine.

 

“Mercedes has heard a lot, but I know something she hasn’t heard,” Rachel sing-songs from the other side of the table, stealing the scene like usual.

 

Both Mercedes and Sam turn to look at her with wide eyes. Mercedes squints at Rachel’s smile before turning back towards Kurt and Blaine. Kurt doesn’t know what to say, but then Blaine’s hand creeps into his, and they twine their fingers together between them. Blaine is a genius. This is easier than words.

 

Mercedes sees it right away. “Hell to the no, boy, you didn’t tell me right away?”

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says, and he means it on so many levels. He can feel Blaine’s eyes on his skin, concerned, caring. He holds tighter to the slightly clammy hand in his. They can do this.

 

“It’s really new,” Blaine says, saving Kurt again. “I think Rachel and Burt were the only people to know before this.”

 

“Wait, what, you haven’t even told Elliott?” Rachel asks, her voice rising way too high.

 

“I think it’s our business how and when to tell people,” Kurt bites out. He doesn’t want to pull Elliott into this charade. That way he’ll have at least one friend left after this – one friend he doesn’t have to act heartbroken with or hear condolences from. Elliott will never know, or maybe only sometime long after. Elliott is someone who Kurt can laugh with once this is over and done with.

 

“Of course. Rachel’s just surprised,” Mercedes mediates.

 

“I’ll go get our drinks,” Blaine says. “A non-fat mocha? Grande?”

 

“You know it,” Kurt smiles thankfully, and Blaine nods before letting go of his hand and heading to the line. They seat themselves, and Kurt glances over his shoulder to check on Blaine. The queue is ridiculously long, as if everyone has decided they need coffee right then, in the middle of a sunny summer afternoon. Or maybe they are after frappes in this heat.

 

Kurt turns back to his friends and mentally prepares himself for the questions that will surely come. He knows his friends well, and Mercedes will want just as many details as Rachel, even though she might actually let go if Kurt asked her to. She’ll be kinder about it than Rachel, that’s for sure.

 

Surprisingly, it’s Sam who starts. “So, Blaine, huh?”

 

“It’s always been Blaine,” Kurt dares to say. He has to glance at Blaine again, standing in line behind an elderly lady.

 

“I thought you said you were over him,” Mercedes says.

 

Kurt shakes his head. “I tried to be. He was seeing someone for a while there, but then they broke up about two months ago.”

 

“Two months? Dude,” Sam exclaims. “I’ve spoken to both of you since then and neither said a thing!”

 

“Oh, they didn’t get together right away, of course,” Rachel says. She’s clearly enjoying that she already knows this story and that way, can have a part in telling it. “Kurt needed some liquid courage to finally make a move.”

 

Kurt glares at her. “You weren’t there, so stop talking now.”

 

“But Boo, what did happen?” Mercedes asks. Kurt has a growing suspicion that she can see right through him. Her eyes are still squinted like she’s trying to figure something out. He needs to up his game somehow before she catches on and calls him out on it.

 

“Well, we went out for drinks, just the two of us,” Kurt says, telling the fake story that he and Blaine perfected over the two weeks between the birth of the plan and this trip. “There was dancing, and then there was dancing together.” Kurt glances at Blaine again. This time he’s almost to the counter. There are only three people in front of him. Kurt will have enough time to tell his story before Blaine comes back. For a second Kurt lets himself really look at Blaine, his tight chinos and a red polo t-shirt that hugs his arms. His bare ankles wink at Kurt from above his shoes. Kurt lingers, just to sell it. That’s the only reason he looks this long.

 

“And?” Mercedes urges him to continue, gently hitting him in the arm.

 

“I, uh. I kissed him.” Kurt licks his lips. How he wishes it was all real, that Blaine really would be his to kiss. “And he didn’t freak out. On the contrary, he kissed me back. We ended up leaving the club early.”

 

“Get it, Kurt,” Sam says. His eyes are wide and he pulls a hand through his now brown hair, looking impressed.

 

“Yeah,” Kurt says and blushes. The thought of getting to bed with Blaine, kissing him, removing his clothes, both of them sweaty from dancing, has him flustered and more than a little hot. The image is right there, and Kurt can’t erase it. He closes his eyes and bites his lip. He has to think about anything else, he can’t get turned on right here.

 

“Here’s your coffee… Kurt? Are you okay?” Blaine returns on that exact moment and Kurt’s not sure if he’s relieved or more embarrassed.

 

“I was just telling them of the night, um, when things, uh, progressed.” Kurt grabs his coffee and drinks just to hide his face for a little while.

 

“Oh, that,” Blaine says and sits down next to Kurt. “I certainly had no idea what I was missing before that night.”

 

Kurt nearly chokes on his coffee. He ends up coughing terribly and needing several napkins to clean his face. At least now he has a reason to have a face as red as a tomato. He would never have thought he would hear something like that from Blaine right in front of his friends. The comment might have been innocent if the conversation hadn’t been going into a certain direction right before, and Kurt knows Blaine. He knows that underneath the shiny exterior Blaine knows how to be dirty. For a prep school boy who sometimes helps old ladies across the street Blaine can have a filthy mind – he just doesn’t showcase it often or for large audiences.

 

“Whoa, TMI, dude,” Sam throws his hands up as Rachel and Mercedes giggle and shove more napkins Kurt’s way. Blaine is rubbing up and down Kurt’s back, not helping one bit. His touch makes Kurt feel even hotter, and he’s not sure how that’s possible.

 

“Yeah, Blaine, TMI. There’s a limit out here,” Kurt croaks. He sounds terrible, like he’s having the worst cold or like he’s put his mouth into good use… He needs an intervention. This week is going to kill him. Thinking of Blaine, and sex, and, dear lord, thinking of having sex with Blaine is clearly leading into a one-track mind.

 

“I’m sorry, babe. Only told the truth,” Blaine says.

 

The endearment makes Kurt’s belly flutter and heart soar though he knows it means nothing at all. It’s just a part of their lie. They’ve used to calling each other honey and sweetheart as a joke, but babe has never been used. Never.

 

“Maybe you should start telling lies, then, to keep me from dying of embarrassment,” Kurt quips.

 

Blaine pouts at him. Kurt wants to bite his bottom lip. “I was saying nice things!”

 

Kurt pats him on the shoulder. “Some things are better not said in nice company.”

 

Rachel cackles. “Oh, we’re nice company now!”

 

Mercedes laughs too, and Sam just keeps shaking his head, a disbelieving frown on his face. A part of Kurt wants to get up and leave. He is not ready to deal with this.

 

“Enough about us, you freaks,” Kurt says once everyone has calmed down a little. “How are you?”

 

They take pity on Kurt and go with the subject change. Sam puts his arm around Mercedes’ shoulders and they share a look. Kurt glances at Rachel, who seems to be as eager to hear it as he is.

 

“Can I tell them?” Sam asks. He smiles eagerly like a child.

 

“Sure,” Mercedes smiles and winks at Kurt.

 

“She got a recording deal last week!” Sam exclaims rather loudly, drawing curious glances their way from the neighboring tables.

 

“Oh my god, that is so amazing!” Kurt gets up to hug Mercedes. She’s been trying to make it with her music ever since she left Lima after graduation. There have been ups and some serious downs and idiotic producers, but all the trouble has now paid off. “You should have lead with this information instead of quizzing me!”

 

“I’m so happy for you,” Rachel joins their hug.

 

“Great news,” Blaine smiles from his seat, letting the friends celebrate together.

 

“I’m ecstatic,” Mercedes tells them once Kurt and Rachel are back in their seats. “The album is supposed to come out next spring. I’m going to studio in the beginning of August.”

 

“Proud of ya, baby,” Sam drawls and puts his arm back on Mercedes’ shoulders. Mercedes gives him a peck on the cheek.

 

“Things couldn’t be any better right now,” she says. She looks happy, content to be right where she is in her life. Kurt is happy for her. She deserves this after everything she’s been through, after chasing her dream relentlessly for so long.

 

“My girl is making it big,” Kurt says.

 

“Am I supposed to be jealous now?” Blaine asks in a low voice just as Rachel starts to ask for more details about Mercedes’ deal and how she got it.

 

Kurt gives Blaine a curious look. They don’t need to keep up the act if no one is watching or listening, and all the others are intent on the story of Mercedes. He humors Blaine anyway. “I’m all yours.”

 

He hates how true that statement is.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again I thank you for the lovely comments and for every kudos you've left. It means the world to me that someone reads this and likes this. 
> 
> WARNING for mentions of Finn.
> 
> This chapter is something I've been editing and editing, and I'm still not quite sure what's missing, but well. I had to cut the original chapter in two, or it would have been monstrously long, so here's a weird in-between chapter for you.

 

Kurt is sitting on his bed, phone in hand, when Blaine comes from the bathroom. It’s half past ten, and they both are almost dead on their feet after a long day of traveling and meeting people. They hadn’t stayed in Lima Bean long after getting the whole story about the recording deal from Mercedes. They’d gone to buy something to eat, and then returned to have dinner with Burt. After eating and putting the dishes to the dishwasher they’d vegged on the couch watching the news for a while before saying good night and going upstairs.

 

Now Kurt looks very tired, sitting in the room of his teen years, worn and vulnerable. He has changed into a gray t-shirt and blue pajama pants to sleep in. His hair is free of spray, drooping on his forehead looking impossibly soft. Blaine goes to sit next to him, and Kurt tosses the phone on the night stand.

 

“Who was it?” Blaine asks.

 

“Chandler. There were actually several texts from him I hadn’t noticed. I had to apologize and tell him I was busy today, and probably will be for the rest of the week.” Kurt looks somehow sad. Blaine is instantly concerned.

 

“Is everything okay?”

 

“Just tired,” Kurt deflects, but Blaine doesn’t let him get away with it that easily.

 

“None of that now. Kurt, you can talk to me. Is it Chandler? Is it me?”

 

“Partly both, I guess. I just… are we doing a horrible thing?”

 

“Hey, no.” Blaine pulls Kurt into a sideways hug. “It got a little intense back there in the coffee shop, but we are fine. We are.”

 

Kurt sighs. “If you say so.”

 

“I know so. Now, let’s go to sleep. It’s been a long day, and I bet you’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.”

 

They settle in bed, Kurt on the left side and Blaine on the right. Kurt turns off the light on the bedside, and silence falls into the room at the same time with the darkness. A streetlight shines in from a tiny gap in the curtains. Kurt turns to his side to face Blaine. Blaine can just make out the lines of his nose and brow, his eyes slowly adjusting.

 

“I never asked you what you think,” Kurt says softly.

 

“About what?” Blaine asks, turning from his back too, to mimic Kurt.

 

“Lima. This house. Dad.”

 

“I like Lima, in a way that it’s nice to visit but I won’t mind leaving once we do,” Blaine says honestly. “I like your dad, you know that. Your house is wonderful, so warm and cozy.”

 

Kurt chuckles. “I could have guessed your answer.”

 

“You know me so well,” Blaine smiles. “I’m happy I came home with you.” For some reason he needs to say it out loud, make it explicitly clear. He needs Kurt to know that he wants to be here. None of this bothers him, he likes being here with Kurt, getting to share this part of his friend. He hopes Kurt doesn’t worry because of him. The darkness and being so close in bed makes the moment intimate, like they are giving each other something more than before. Blaine’s words come out overly fond and warm, but he doesn’t mind the tone. It feels like whatever they say, or how, will stay here.

 

“I’m happy you’re here with me,” Kurt says back. He’s silent for a beat. Then, “God, we’re so sappy.”

 

Blaine barks out a laugh. “Too much?”

 

“Just a tad. But I appreciate your sentiment.”

 

“Good. Sweet dreams, Kurt.” Blaine feels so affectionate all of a sudden that he has to resist scooting closer and pulling Kurt to him. There are lines, even to their friendship. They are so comfortable right now that Blaine doesn’t want to break it by forcing physical contact Kurt might shy away from.

 

“Sleep well, Blaine,” Kurt says, voice soft and quiet.

 

Blaine closes his eyes and relaxes deeper into the mattress. The bed is really comfortable and big enough for the two of them. They don’t have to cram too close, but Kurt is still right there next to Blaine. It’s nice, like this. Safe and close without it being stifling. The bed smells good, somehow familiar, like Kurt even though Kurt hasn’t slept in this bed in ages. Maybe it has to do with laundry detergent. Blaine has almost drifted off when he feels a gentle, timid hand petting a stray curl from his forehead. It makes him smile, but he doesn’t open his eyes or acknowledge Kurt out loud.

 

Yes, this right here is very nice.

 

\----

 

Morning sun shines bright through the gap in the curtains and straight on Blaine’s face. He turns on his other side to escape it. He’s still more than half asleep, groggy and he doesn’t even bother to open his eyes. He doesn’t want to wake up, not quite yet. He’s too comfortable. The bed feels heavenly underneath him.

 

“Blaine, you awake?” Kurt asks quietly from somewhere behind Blaine’s back. He must be up already.

 

Blaine lets out an intelligible mumble. He’s not even sure what he meant to say, himself. He wants to stay in bed, period. He’s not awake. He keeps his eyes stubbornly closed and presses his head into the pillow.

 

Kurt chuckles. “You sleep. I’m going to breakfast.”

 

Blaine hums happily and burrows deeper into the pillow. It’s warm and soft and smells nice. Like Kurt. If only he could wake up like this every day.

 

*

 

“Morning,” Kurt greets his dad as he gets to the kitchen, still smiling slightly over the image of Blaine rolling over and clutching onto Kurt’s pillow.

 

“Good morning. Is Blaine still asleep?” Burt lifts his eyes from the paper. He’s got a cup of coffee in hand and an empty plate sits on the table in front of him.

 

Kurt makes a beeline to the coffee maker. There’s still some left from his dad, so he collects a mug from the cupboard and pours himself some. “Yeah, more or less. All I got was some noises when I asked if he’s awake.” Kurt doesn’t say how he had to physically force himself out of the room, or how all he wanted to do was to curl back to bed and snuggle into Blaine’s warm back. It had been tempting, oh, so tempting.

 

“Did you two sleep well?”

 

“Blaine was out like a light,” Kurt tells his father truthfully and leans on the counter. “It took me a while longer.” Because he was busy staring at Blaine’s soft curls and longing for him, and feeling helpless because he kind of has Chandler now, and it’s almost like he’s cheating. Kurt just can’t quite figure out who he’s cheating on and who he’s cheating with. It all leaves him squirmy and uncomfortable.

 

“Well, you always are a little disoriented after traveling,” Burt muses.

 

“I guess,” Kurt deflects and sips his coffee.

 

“How have you been, overall? And answer honestly, it’s just me here now,” Burt says. “You were so stressed in the spring.”

 

“I’m good. I still can’t believe I got the job, I have my friends and I have Blaine. It’s better than I could have ever imagined my life to be.” That’s not a lie, or even a stretch of truth. He means every word wholeheartedly.

 

“And Blaine’s treating you right?”

 

Kurt nods. “Yeah, he is. He’s the best, and I love him.” Again, it’s not a lie, but this time it leaves a foul taste in Kurt’s mouth anyway. He doesn’t like leading his dad on. He has to change the subject. “What about you?”

 

“Same old, same old. Not too shabby.” Burt drains his own cup and gets up. “Well, speaking of which, I have to get going soon. I promised to check on some things at the garage this morning.”

 

Burt is retired now, but he still has his name in the papers. He owns the place even if he doesn’t run it anymore. Kurt knows his dad spends a lot of time there still, missing the work. That place is important to him. Kurt’s glad Burt has let up and won’t go under the vehicles anymore. That way, he doesn’t have to worry about his father as much.

 

“Where’s Carole?” Kurt asks when Burt sets his dishes in the sink.

 

“She had a double shift ‘cause someone got sick last minute and she covered for them. She’ll probably be home in an hour or so.”

 

So that explains why Carole hasn’t been around yet. Kurt nods. “Okay. We’ll get out of her hair and let her rest. We promised to meet up with the others for brunch, anyway. Now I only have to wait for mister sleepyhead upstairs to wake up.”

 

Burt laughs. “I’m glad you’re happy, Kurt. You’ve been smiling all morning.”

 

Kurt hadn’t even realized, but now that his dad said it, he can feel the small smile resting on his lips. He can’t quite make himself answer, though. Sleeping next to Blaine had been beyond nice, but it’s still not real – no matter how much he wishes it was. “Yeah. It’s nice being here with Blaine. You take it easy, dad, and I’ll see you tonight.”

 

“Okay, I’ll see you later,” Burt says. Kurt nods and listens as he goes to the hall, gathers his keys and closes the door. Silence settles into the house.

 

Kurt sits down with his coffee and a sigh. He’s glad to have this moment for himself, a calm morning in silence, at home. Sun shines in from the window. It looks like it’ll be a warm day outside. There are only some faint stray clouds in the sky, and the morning seems still, no wind rustling the leaves.

 

It’s almost like Kurt’s still in high school, his dad and Finn at the shop already, and he alone in the kitchen. As if the years in New York are just a dream. In a way, this place will always be home even though Kurt didn’t live there for long. Still, this is the place where he really grew up. This place reminds him of Finn in all the best, day to day things, like a part of him still lingers. Kurt can almost see his jacket on the back of the chair. It’s bittersweet, but Kurt relishes in the feeling. This place reminds him of the disaster that was prom, and the late nights with Rachel and Mercedes, watching movies and gossiping. Kurt is happy with his life now, like he told his dad, he has New York, his friends, his job, and Blaine – he would never trade that for anything. A part of him still misses the safety and friendly atmosphere of glee, the excitement of competitions he’ll probably never get to feel again.

 

Kurt is very happy that Blaine made him come to the reunion. He’ll get to see his high school friends and take a moment to remember it all with them. It’s good to be here, even with Blaine sleeping upstairs on Kurt’s pillow, adorable and completely oblivious to the turmoil that’s going on inside Kurt about him. Kurt had thought his feelings had peaked when they moved in together, but now… it feels like an all new level. Blaine is attentive while they have company, bordering on flirty, and when they’re alone he’s constantly reassuring Kurt. Kurt feels like he’s falling all over again. He doesn’t know what will happen once they return to New York on Monday. They haven’t talked about it, about how to get rid of their charade in a believable way. They’ll probably have to stage a break-up, for Rachel at least. Kurt’s not sure how he can pull that off. Do they have to move apart? It would be really weird if they broke up and still continued to live together. Kurt does not want to move, ever. Damn it all. Blaine’s plan was stupid. They should have come as friends.

 

As if Kurt’s thoughts had summoned him, Blaine appears in the kitchen doorway. He’s in red pants and black t-shirt, his hair gelled. He doesn’t overuse the gel like he did when Kurt first met him, but he still uses it to tame the mess a bit. Kurt secretly loves the look Blaine has now, his curls shiny and slightly in his eyes, but not an uncontrollable bush.

 

“Oh look, somebody’s awake,” Kurt teases.

 

“You bed is too comfortable. Put the blame where it belongs,” Blaine answers and sees that there’s still coffee left. He makes his way past Kurt to pour some for himself, and gives Kurt a pat on his shoulder.

 

“I’ll make sure to file a complaint.” Kurt follows Blaine with his eyes. They’ve had a morning routine for years, but seeing Blaine in this house, still yawning and a little sleepy-eyed is making him feel all warm and fuzzy.

 

“Do we have plans for today?” Blaine asks as he sits down next to Kurt.

 

“We’re going to Puck’s for brunch. If I remember right, Santana and Brittany’s flight was in Columbus late last night, so you’ll get to meet them, too.”

 

“Okay. They’re the cheerleaders, right?” Blaine sips on his coffee and makes a face. It’s been standing in the pot for a while, so it probably doesn’t taste that great. “Who else are we waiting for still?”

 

“I think Rachel said Mike and Tina are flying in today, as well as Artie and his girlfriend. If Jesse decides to come, he’s coming today. Quinn and her husband will be here tomorrow,” Kurt counts on his fingers. “I think that’s everyone. There were more of us, but some have drifted away during the years.”

 

“But didn’t you say that everyone is coming?” Blaine asks.

 

Kurt bites his lip. “Well, the core members are all coming? I think that counts. There was this Irish exchange student, Rory, but he’s been back in Ireland ever since his exchange was over. Then there’s Sugar, but she met someone from Australia and lives there now. Rachel said that Artie tried to reach her but couldn’t. Umm, who else. Joe! I have no idea what happened to him – he was this really religious guy with dreadlocks. And Lauren hates glee, she only joined for a short while for Puck. And then, Matt was there for a while on our first year of glee but then he transferred and no one heard from him since.”

 

Blaine stares at him, eyes huge. “I thought you said glee wasn’t popular? That’s a lot of people.”

 

Kurt shrugs. “Well. I guess there were a lot of us, but we never were popular. Never. I’ve told you how they bullied us.”

 

“Yeah. I’m sorry.”

 

“No need.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and kudos! They never fail to make me smile.

 

Puck is living with a woman called Cynthia. She’s 39 and has twin daughters and a huge pool in the back yard. Kurt is not sure if he’s surprised or not, maybe this is where Puck was headed all along. The house is big, elegant and well maintained. Puck himself has and hasn’t changed from the boy he was in high school. His hair is shaven short, no mohawk in sight. He looks like a regular guy with no indication to his rebellious teen years. He’s wearing a tank top and jean shorts, and he greets Kurt with a smile. That smile didn’t use to come as easy as it now does.

 

“Kurt, my man! Let’s head out back, Santana and Brittany are already there. And you brought a boy!”

 

Kurt grits his teeth. Maybe Puck hasn’t changed that much after all. “This is Blaine. Blaine, Noah Puckerman, who I used to call Puck.”

 

“Who you still call Puck,” Puck guesses, and he’s right.

 

Blaine and Puck shake hands before Kurt and Blaine are ushered inside.

 

“I see you’ve moved up in the world,” Kurt says as Puck leads him and Blaine through the house. It’s lived-in but clean and surprisingly neat considering that two six-year-olds live there. The colors are simple whites, browns and blacks in an elegant and tasteful combination. There’s a guitar in its stand in the corner of the living room and a huge television mounted on the wall.

 

“Yeah well,” Puck shrugs. “Pool cleaning got me into a family.”

 

“Speaking of which, where are they?” Kurt shares a look with Blaine. The house is silent and seems empty.

 

Puck opens the back door for them and gestures them through. “Well, Cynthia took the girls to see their grandparents. Gave us space. She’s cool like that. Ladies, we got company!”

 

Santana and Brittany are sitting by the pool with sunglasses on their noses. Brittany’s hair is a little shorter than it used to be. She’s like summer personified in her white summer dress and hair flowing free. Santana is almost indecent in tiny shorts and a halterneck top, but that’s not a surprise. They get up to greet Kurt and Blaine with happy smiles on their faces. Brittany is full of enthusiastic hugs, and she even smacks a kiss on Kurt’s cheek. Kurt can’t help but laugh and return the gesture. There’s an odd, warm rapport between them still, remnants of the time Kurt pretended to date her, even though Kurt wouldn’t really call them friends. Santana looks at Brittany with a fond smile, more calm and collected than her girlfriend, before taking her turn hugging Kurt.

 

“Nice one, Hummel,” she says into Kurt’s ear. “He’s a little on the short side, but that ass is delicious. You’re lucky I’m not into that anymore. or I might just be all over him.”

 

“Santana. At least you’ve learned to keep your voice down,” Kurt answers, a little sour about the comment. He knows that it’s Santana’s stamp of approval, but he doesn’t like how crass she has to be about it. He pulls away and looks at Blaine. “Blaine, here’s Brittany and Santana.”

 

“Nice to meet you,” Blaine smiles.

 

“You’re Kurt’s dolphin,” Brittany announces as she hugs Blaine for a second time. “I’m so happy you found each other.”

 

Blaine shoots Kurt a bewildered look at the dolphin comment, but Kurt only shrugs and mouths _later_. Brittany’s still her own unique self, and it makes Kurt smile.

 

“How are you, Britt? I hear you’re a professional dancer nowadays,” Kurt says.

 

“Yeah. I was in a music video, it was so much fun with all the costumes. Kind of like glee used to be,” Brittany tells them. Then she turns to Santana before lifting her left hand up. A small diamond shines in the summer sun. “And San proposed.”

 

“Oh!” Kurt looks at Santana. He has to admit that he’s impressed, and more than a little surprised. “Wow, that’s, that’s amazing. Blaine, they’re engaged!”

 

He has no idea if his smile is anywhere near genuine, because it’s forced. He kind of wants to grab Blaine’s arm and drag him to the side to cry into his shoulder. Kurt really is the only one with no prospects, while all his friends are settling down, finding their places in the world and marrying each other, one couple after another. Blaine seems to pick up on his mood, because he steps closer and puts an arm around Kurt. Kurt takes the comfort, grateful that Blaine is there. At least no one will bother him, even in joke, about settling down or giving up his not-so-wild single ways.

 

*

 

“So, have you decided on a date yet?” Blaine asks the women to keep them talking. Kurt is tense by his side, and Blaine does his best to distract the others from picking up on it. He smoothes a hand up and down Kurt’s back. The muscles there are hard and tense beneath the light blue shirt. Blaine can’t help but worry a little. He looks at Kurt from the corner of his eye and sees a stiff smile.

 

“We’re thinking next spring. April, maybe,” Santana answers. She’s dark, a complete opposite of Brittany’s blonde. Otherwise they are very similar; tall, slight and beautiful. Brittany puts her head on Santana’s shoulder and smiles. They make one attractive couple.

 

Blaine keeps his hand on Kurt, squeezing his side a little. Kurt still hasn’t relaxed. He smiles a little easier now, though, and Blaine lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding.

 

“If you two feel like custom designed and made dresses, let me know,” Kurt says next. Blaine stares at him, a little star struck. It’s clear that the news made Kurt uncomfortable for some reason, but still in the next moment he’s offering them his expertise. There aren’t many people like Kurt Hummel.

 

“Ooh, yes! Right, Santana?” Brittany looks at her girlfriend with wide eyes.

 

“Yeah, that sounds nice,” Santana agrees. “Lady Hummel will make us pretty.”

 

Blaine bristles at that. Kurt has told him about Santana and her way with words, so this is probably the norm, but it’s still not nice.

 

“I think you’re mistaken,” Blaine braves to say. Kurt has told him about Santana’s cutting words, and he’s not sure he wants to be in line of fire, but he can’t help himself. “Kurt here’s all man.”

 

Santana gives him a slow look. “Wouldn’t you know all about that, Hobbit? Better than me, for sure. I’ve never seen Hummel without at least three layers on.”

 

“Santana, quit it,” Kurt, in his only one layer, bites out. “Be happy in your engaged bliss, please.”

 

“But what about you two? Last time I heard you had a roommate named Blaine that was totally gorgeous.” Santana gives them a calculating look, eyes lingering on Blaine’s arm that’s still wrapped around Kurt. Kurt, who had just started to relax, freezes by Blaine’s side, and his ears are suddenly flaming red. Blaine glances at him.

 

“You told your friends I’m gorgeous?” Blaine teases. Now Kurt’s face is red, too. Blaine doesn’t bother to bite back a smile.

 

“Of course I did,” Kurt says, trying to be condescending, but not really succeeding.

 

“Thank you. For the record, you’re totally gorgeous as well.” Blaine means it. Kurt is one of the most stunning men he’s ever seen with his long legs, wide shoulders, pale skin, and a face that can’t be forgotten. Blaine decides to go along with his whim, and presses a small kiss on Kurt’s soft cheek.

 

“Blaine,” Kurt whines, face even redder.

 

Suddenly Blaine has to wonder if the crush Kurt admitted to years ago still lingers, because all he did now was a little harmless flirting and Kurt looks almost mortified.

 

It was Kurt’s freshman year, Blaine was a sophomore. Blaine had been going on about how he loves Valentine’s Day. Kurt had been more skeptical, but indulging Blaine when he planned on asking someone out. Blaine can’t even remember who it was he wanted to take out, because all he remembers is Kurt confessing, sitting across a table from him, that he thought he might be the one Blaine wanted to go out with. Blaine had looked at him, floored and taken by surprise. He had let Kurt down gently, wanting to keep his best friend as his best friend. Blaine had been sure Kurt was over it, but maybe a part of that attraction is still there.

 

Santana clears her throat loudly.

 

“Oh, yeah. Um. Us.” Kurt bites his lip. He’s flustered and clearly uncomfortable, so Blaine swoops in.

 

“Yes, we live together, Santana. It used to be platonic until about a month ago, when Kurt made me see that there could be more. And here we are, happier than ever.” Blaine gives Kurt a smile that Kurt returns. They’re fine. Blaine will keep his musings to himself.

 

They all turn to look at the door when new voices greet them. Puck holds the patio door open to let Mercedes, Sam and Rachel out. “Everyone’s here!”

 

Everyone is greeting everyone else, there are hugs and talking and Blaine feels overwhelmed with it all, letting Kurt go to hug Mercedes. Since Jesse isn’t here yet, Blaine feels left out. All the others have known each other since high school, and they haven’t seen each other in a while. It’s all kinds of extraordinary that they’ve coupled up within the group and actually maintained relationships from high school. Blaine doesn’t know anyone else who has managed that – he had some good friends back then, but he keeps in touch with just two of them anymore, and that’s mostly via Facebook posts. He follows Kurt with his eyes as Kurt’s talking animatedly to Mercedes about something. Rachel hears the engagement news and squeals loudly before hugging both Santana and Brittany. Santana looks uncomfortable, but pats her in the back and thanks her anyway.

 

Sam walks over and smiles to Blaine when Puck disappears inside to get the food.

 

“So, how’s it going, man?” Sam asks, stepping closer. Rachel is getting rather loud. She wants to be a bridesmaid.

 

“It’s a little overwhelming, meeting you all,” Blaine admits, still half focused on Rachel jumping up and down.

 

“Oh, we can be a lot to deal with. I remember being in way over my head when I transferred and joined glee. It took me a long time before I even talked to them all! Didn’t Kurt warn you?”

 

Blaine looks past Sam, away from Rachel. Kurt is still talking with Mercedes, a slight smile on his face, his eyes sparkling.

 

“I’ve heard so many stories, Sam,” Blaine says. “And he told me that you’re all insane.”

 

“You’ve seen nothing yet. Just wait until we get our hands on some alcohol,” Sam says and rolls his eyes.

 

*

 

Kurt is aware that he practically ran from Blaine’s side the moment Mercedes, Sam and Rachel appeared, but this is a little too much for him to handle. Blaine called him gorgeous. It’s not the first time he’s said it, but now it felt different. Besides, now the statement was sealed with a kiss. Kurt still feels hot with it. They’ve been bantering with honeys and sweethearts and half-flirty comments for years now, but this is different. Blaine held him so close, smiled and called Kurt gorgeous. And kissed him. That small kiss still burns on Kurt’s cheek. That’s the game-changer here. Kurt steals a look at Blaine, who is talking to Sam. He seems to hold his own well in a group where he only knows three people. But why did he kiss Kurt? They just agreed yesterday that it isn’t necessary.

 

“Someone is smitten,” Santana remarks, noticing where Kurt’s eyes are as she walks over.

 

Mercedes laughs. “Of course he is. He finally has the man he’s been dreaming of.” Her voice is warm and fond, and Kurt feels sick.

 

“Yeah,” He says. The word leaves him hollow and breathless.

 

“Ookay. Let’s try that again and make it convincing this time,” Santana drawls.

 

Kurt glares at her. “I still can’t quite believe it, is all.”

 

“Oh, boo. Enjoy yourself. Enjoy him. You are allowed to be happy,” Mercedes says.

 

“I am,” Kurt insists. He puts a smile on his face, thinks about Blaine calling him gorgeous, and lets that feeling out. He’s used to hiding how those kinds of comments affect him. It’s hard to let himself show it now that he can. Santana and Mercedes seem to buy it, but Kurt really needs to get better at this. He can’t even imagine the repercussions of getting caught of this lie. His friends would never let him forget it.

 

“So, Santana, how did you propose?” Mercedes asks next.

 

Santana smiles, a true, happy smile that she kept under lock and key while they were in high school. Back then, she hid behind smirks and smug pouts, but now she’s grown up enough to let others see her true feelings. “It was pretty simple. I made her dinner, and asked her before dessert. We never actually made it to the ice cream, though.”

 

Mercedes smiles. “I wouldn’t be opposed to a proposal like that!”

 

“Are you waiting for Sam to ask, then?” Santana asks.

 

“Excuse me, I need to go talk to my boyfriend now,” Kurt says. He doesn’t want to hear it. He’s happy for his friends, he is, but he needs a moment to regroup.

 

Blaine is laughing at something Sam said, and he looks so good, sun shining in his hair and eyes squinting in smile. Kurt’s heart leaps in his chest. He needs to let these feelings come and show. He can say to Blaine that he’s only acting. Kurt needs Blaine, he needs his best friend. Blaine notices him and the happy smile softens. Kurt gives him a look, raised eyebrows and a quirk of his mouth. Blaine’s eyes turn concerned.

 

“Hey, Sam, hold that thought. I need to hear the rest, too,” Blaine says before stepping away from Sam and to Kurt. He takes a hold of Kurt’s arm. His touch sends warmth all over Kurt’s skin even though Kurt got used to Blaine’s touches ages ago. Kurt nods his head to the side and they walk a bit further away from the others.

 

“You okay?” Blaine asks, his voice low.

 

Kurt nods. “Yeah, yeah. It just got a little intense over there.”

 

“Intense how?” Blaine’s dark eyes search Kurt’s.

 

“Mercedes kept asking if I’m happy, she told me to be happy. I guess I’m not as good an actor as I need to be, so I need to play it up.” Kurt steps closer to Blaine, almost whispering. This is a dangerous conversation to have here, but he feels like he needs to warn Blaine. He’s in over his head, he’s drowning, and Blaine is the only thing that will keep him floating. _Enjoy him_ , Mercedes said. Maybe under their guise Kurt can do just that.

 

“Sweetheart, we’re doing fine. You’re doing fine. And you know that I’m on board with this, whatever we have to do to make them believe. Don’t make up problems when there aren’t any.” The pet name holds no humor whatsoever, it’s not a joke like it so often has been. Blaine means it this time.

 

Kurt takes a chance and leans down, places his forehead against Blaine’s. He won’t go any further, but he needs the closeness as much as he needs to make a show for the others. Blaine lifts his hands to hold on to Kurt’s shoulders, almost cradling him. Kurt draws in the strength Blaine offers him. He knows Blaine can’t come even close to understanding what’s going on in Kurt’ head, but he’ll deal with that later.

 

For now, he has this. And he will make the most of it.

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you for your continuing support with comments and kudos :D

They eat around the table set on the patio. There are sandwiches with chicken, ham, and veggie versions, some fruit, eggs, and a big salad. They drink lemonade and sparkling water. Puck brought out paper plates, saying that loading the dishwasher is too much work. Rachel gave him a long look at that, but they all are now eating and talking calmly. The most urgent news have been told and mulled over, and now there’s time for actual conversation.

 

Blaine mostly just listens. He drags his chair as close to Kurt’s as possible, feeling weirdly protective. He has no idea why Kurt was upset, but he doesn’t like it. Their ruse is already taking its toll on Kurt, but Blaine feels like there’s more to it. Kurt’s words about being happy haunt Blaine. Is Kurt not happy? Stupid question, Blaine thinks to himself as he pours more lemonade for himself and Kurt. Of course Kurt isn’t happy – that much was clear when he got the invitation to this reunion and freaked out about being single. Kurt longs for a relationship, and knowing that your friends are settling down is one thing, but actually seeing it is another. All Kurt’s friends are in steady relationships, getting engaged and married. Even though Rachel and Jesse have had their problems, they’re together. Kurt is the only one in the group who’s chronically single.

 

Blaine can’t fathom why. Kurt might appear standoffish at first, and he’s shyer than he lets on. He has his diva tendencies, because he likes to do things a certain way. But underneath his shell and snarky attitude he’s the most compassionate, loyal and caring person Blaine has ever met. Kurt has so much love to give. He’s driven, he knows what he wants. If he wants a boyfriend, how come he doesn’t have one?

 

“Hey, hobbit, quit staring at your boyfriend for a second and eat something,” Santana says from the other side of the table and breaks Blaine from his thoughts. He really did get lost in thought, eyes trained on Kurt’s profile.

 

“You don’t get to insult him, Satan,” Kurt bites back, but he gives Blaine a curious look.

 

Blaine shakes his head a little to indicate later. “Sorry. Did I miss something important?”

 

“No, you didn’t,” Kurt says.

 

“Hey, I was in the middle of a story!” Rachel complains.

 

“I’m listening to you,” Puck mumbles around his sandwich.

 

“We’ve heard the story of your understudy several times, Rachel,” Kurt says. “It’s not exactly new to me or Blaine.”

 

Blaine sets a hand on Kurt’s thigh. This doesn’t have to turn into an argument. Rachel and Kurt can keep it civil if there are enough buffers around. In New York, at home, Blaine lets them get it out, only interfering if really needed. Those two know how to fight. They always make up in the end, but sometimes it might take a week or two. They really don’t need to make a scene during a reunion both of them were looking forward to.

 

Kurt turns to Blaine with a look Blaine can’t quite analyze, but then a cool hand covers his on Kurt’s thigh. Oh, whoops. Blaine gives Kurt a sheepish smile but doesn’t take his hand back. He’s used to touching Kurt, and Kurt himself said that they need to play it up. Blaine wants to touch Kurt.

 

Fortunately, everything calms down after that. Rachel gets back to her story about how they found her understudy, which turns into a talk about karaoke, because Rachel had gone to sing with said understudy after the decision was finally done. Inspired by Rachel’s story, everyone starts sharing their own karaoke shenanigans. These people certainly love to sing, even years after their time in glee. Sam keeps laughing so hard he can barely get the words out as he recounts a colleague butchering Madonna song so badly that he was booed out of the bar. Brittany continues after that, starting a wandering tale about tuxedos, spaghetti and someone loudly singing Backstreet Boys. Blaine’s not sure what’s going on in that one, but everyone else seems amused. Blaine sits back and lets the others do the talking. He’s content like this, letting old friends find each other again. He nods and laughs in the right places, and shares little looks with Kurt.

 

After a while the talk turns into nostalgia that’s guaranteed to hit in gatherings like this.

 

“Oh, tell Blaine about the time…”

 

“Sam, I’m pretty sure there’s not much I haven’t told Blaine,” Kurt interrupts.

 

Blaine chuckles at that and leans back in his chair. “He probably has told me everything. The stories are endless.”

 

“If they’re endless, you haven’t heard everything!” Rachel points out. “What about the time Kurt threw up on Ms Pillsbury?”

 

“Oh, that one. The reason why Kurt was almost an absolutist when he started college, right?” Blaine looks at Kurt, remembering. “I asked you to a party, and you were really reluctant to go.”

 

“You convinced me anyway, and I ended up having the second hangover of my life. I thought I’d _die_.”

 

“You did throw up in your bed,” Blaine says. “Twice.”

 

That has the others sniggering around the table.

 

“Ugh, don’t remind me. I’m still embarrassed you had to witness that,” Kurt groans.

 

“Don’t worry, I still think you’re beautiful,” Blaine quips.

 

It’s nothing he hasn’t joked about before, but this time Kurt turns bright red and reaches for his lemonade. “So, Sam, what were you thinking of sharing?”

 

“The time you were going to spy on the Warblers.”

 

Kurt stops with his glass halfway to his mouth and Blaine turns to stare at Sam, eyes wide and mouth parted.

 

“What? How did I not know about this? I was in the Warblers! I was their lead singer for two years!”

 

“I know,” Sam shrugs. “You told me.”

 

“Kurt?” Blaine turns to stare at Kurt instead. Kurt knows very well that they both were in glee. He’s seen the pictures of Blaine in his Dalton uniform. They’ve watched videos of one another. They’ve talked about it a million times. It was one of the things they bonded over! He can feel the others staring at them – everyone but Puck, who’s too busy with his sandwich.

 

*

 

Kurt finally takes the sip he was going for, cursing everything under the sun. “It didn’t seem important. I didn’t want to make the drive after all, so I never went to Dalton even though I planned it after these people were idiots and Puck suggested it.”

 

“You’re telling me that we could have met in high school?” Blaine is not upset, but he is surprised. Kurt can’t really blame him. He keeps staring at Kurt like he’s never seen him before, and it makes Kurt uneasy.

 

“Wait, wait,” Rachel says and dread creeps into Kurt’s mind. “I know he was a Warbler, but Blaine was _the lead_ of the Warblers?”

 

“Ooh, yes, I remember, too,” Brittany joins in. “You had so much hair gel!”

 

Blaine laughs, taking it all in good humor. Kurt decides to cut the chase and get right into what some of them are already thinking. He places a hand on Blaine’s shoulder and leans closer, like he’s confiding in Blaine telling it. He makes a show, just for the hell of it.

 

“Rachel was so mad at Finn being with Quinn again that she was going to find a way to contact you. She said she needed someone who would be able to keep up with her vocally.” Kurt gives Rachel a look, letting a smug smile take over his face. For once he beat her at something – he got Blaine.

 

“What? No way!” Blaine cracks up and shakes his head, looking at Rachel.

 

“Kurt, why would you say that out loud,” Rachel groans as everyone keeps laughing. She’s smiling too, though, so she’s not mad.

 

“Rachel, that’s just priceless. I’m sorry to inform you, I was out and proud by the time we faced you in sectionals. But if it’s any consolation, I remember you, too,” Blaine smiles. “Your voice has always been phenomenal.”

 

“Blaine, Blaine, you know better than that, her ego is already big enough!” Kurt protests.

 

“Seconded,” Santana toasts and drains her glass of lemonade.

 

“Sweetheart, you know I like your voice the best, and that you’re the only duet partner I’ll ever need. You’re better than Rachel.” Blaine looks at Kurt through his lashes and if Kurt wasn’t already head over heels for him that would have done it. He doesn’t even notice Rachel’s indignant huff. He’s too busy falling for Blaine.

 

“Flattery will get you everywhere,” Kurt says and tries not to care that his face must have turned permanently red by now. Blaine winks, actually winks, and sets Kurt’s insides all aflutter. Kurt just smiles, because he doesn’t have to hide here. He’s allowed to look at his fake boyfriend dopily.

 

“You realize that sealed it, right? You are going to sing something for us before the week is done,” Mercedes says. Kurt focuses on her happily, away from Blaine for a second. Though right then Blaine decides to set his arm around Kurt’s shoulders, and… well. It’s a bit distracting.

 

“We most definitely will. But not right now,” he manages to say anyway.

 

The rest of their brunch passes quickly, and they keep on talking long after the food is gone. Before they even know it, it’s afternoon. Everyone goes their separate ways. Mercedes tells that she and Sam are going out for dinner with both sets of parents that evening, and Santana complains that she’s tired after their flight. Rachel is busy making a list of everything she needs to buy in time for Friday night, when there’s a party. Kurt’s not sure what Blaine wants to do next, but they’ll head home first to regroup.

 

They hug everyone goodbye before getting in the car – the very same Navigator Kurt had in high school. His dad keeps it running and uses it as a second car. Kurt’s happy to be reacquainted with the vehicle. He’s never really been a car person, but this one is his, his first, and also his way to freedom when he was a teenager. He’s sat in this car with Rachel, with Mercedes, with Finn. All the memories and feelings make it special. They roll down the windows because the day has only turned hotter. Kurt’s glad he decided to wear shorts.

 

“What’s the plan for today?” Blaine asks as he buckles up.

 

“Now we’re going home. Carole should be awake by now, so you’ll get to meet her. After, I don’t know, we’ll figure out something,” Kurt says and waits so that Rachel gets out of the driveway before they are free to go.

 

“So many new people,” Blaine says, and it’s impossible to tell if it’s a complaint or just a statement. Blaine’s been doing well, and of course he already knows Rachel and Sam, but Kurt knows that this must be a lot. Besides, Blaine’s comments and touches single-handedly held their charade up during the brunch. Kurt’s only been pining, blushing and freaking out.

 

Rachel drives off and Kurt starts the car. “Would you rather we just drive around? Or take a walk?”

 

“No, it’s fine. I want to meet Carole. And the rest, but luckily that’s tomorrow.”

 

“You have to tell me if you need a break. I understand,” Kurt says sternly. Blaine has a tendency to put other people, everyone else, really, before his own needs. Kurt doesn’t want Blaine to exhaust himself being on all the time while they’re here. It’s easy to withdraw, take a couple of hours if needed, but Kurt can’t give Blaine that if he doesn’t know when Blaine needs it.

 

“I’ll tell you, I promise.” Blaine leans back in his seat, relaxing, as Kurt drives them, trailing Rachel’s car towards home. “Actually, it might be nice to take a walk later today, just us?”

 

“Yeah, we can absolutely do that,” Kurt says. He’s glad that Blaine took the out he offered. They fall into a comfortable silence. Wind rushes into the car from the windows, giving a breath of relief from the sun that’s beaming down on them mercilessly. It also messes with Kurt’s hair, but right now Kurt doesn’t give a damn.

 

“What’s on the agenda for the rest of the week?” Blaine asks as they stop at an intersection.

 

“Tomorrow, after everyone’s arrived, we’re going to McKinley. Rachel pulled some magic move and we’re getting in to see the place. Then there’s dinner, and Mr. Schue is also invited there,” Kurt says, trying to remember the details that Rachel had emailed him last week. “We’ll probably go get drinks after that. On Friday I’m planning on taking you on a tour of Lima, not that it’ll take long. Then there’s Rachel’s party that night. Saturday we’ll probably meet up at some point to nurse our hangovers or something, and there’s a goodbye brunch on Sunday before we fly back home.”

 

“Sounds good,” Blaine says. “There’s a lot to do, but not too much. I like that we have time to breathe in between.”

 

“Yeah, that is good with these people. I love seeing them again, and hearing about their lives, but it’s nice to have breaks as well.” Even though William McKinley High School’s choir room bonded them for life, they are not that tight. They annoy each other, they disagree, and there are tensions between them still. Kurt won’t pretend otherwise – he wasn’t best friends with everyone there, some he barely tolerated. He likes that they can get together like this, but like Blaine said, it’s good to have some breathing room.

 

*

 

Blaine’s not really nervous about meeting people in general, and he’s not that anxious about meeting Carole or the rest of the former glee club. Burt was probably the worst, because Blaine hates deceiving him. Mercedes had been another, because Blaine knows how close she used to be with Kurt. So, meeting Carole doesn’t make Blaine fidget.

 

Kurt parks the car on the driveway and they head inside. The sun is shining high on the sky, and the air is stifling. It’s too hot to be comfortable, and Blaine’s glad to get indoors where there’s air conditioning. Kurt unlocks the door and motions Blaine inside. The sudden coolness of the hall gives Blaine goose bumps.

 

“Carole? Are you up?” Kurt asks loudly.

 

“Kurt?” A motherly woman in dark pants and a light shirt appears from the living room with a book in her hand. Kurt rushes to hug her, and Blaine hovers at the door, waiting. Carole holds Kurt tight and closes her eyes.

 

“It’s so nice to see you. You look amazing, as always,” she tells Kurt as they pull apart.

 

“You look really fresh considering you just did a double shift,” Kurt tells her with a tiny smile before looking at Blaine and beckoning him closer.

 

Blaine steps forward. “Hello.”

 

“Oh, Blaine. Nice to see you, too.” Carole pulls him into a hug as well, which surprises Blaine a little, but he returns the gesture without hesitation. Carole smells sweet, and she smiles at Blaine when they part.

 

“How are you?” Blaine asks Carole. He hasn’t talked to her as much as to Burt over the years, but it never hurts to be friendly and polite.

 

“I’m fine, although, you know, pretty tired still.  It’ll even itself out. I’ve got three days off now, I’ve got time to rest. How does it feel to be in Lima?”

 

Blaine shrugs. “It’s nice. I like meeting everyone.”

 

“I’ll leave you two to talk, and go check what you have in the fridge to make for dinner,” Kurt says then, already moving towards the kitchen.

 

“Kurt, you’re a visitor,” Carole protests.

 

“Not a word. You just admitted that you’re tired, it’s the least I can do. Let me help now that I’m here.” Kurt gives his stepmother a firm look and Carole laughs.

 

“Oh fine, but at least let us come and keep you company.”

 

\----

 

After dinner with Burt and Carole, Blaine and Kurt head out for the walk Blaine asked for earlier. The sun is in the horizon and it’s not too hot anymore, but comfortably warm. The setting is almost romantic, and it isn’t lost on Blaine. He feels like he should take Kurt’s hand as they walk down the street, but there’s no one to play pretend for. That’s almost a shame, but it’s just them, taking a break from that pretense. Blaine thinks that they both need it. They need to remember what’s real.

 

There are some people about in the neighborhood. Kids’ voices drift into the air from the yards. A group of teenagers drives by, music loud in their cars. A dog walker passes Blaine and Kurt. The sun colors the scarce clouds with pinks and oranges, and even Kurt’s hair has a reddish tint to it. Blaine keeps stealing glances of him as they walk. Kurt is beautiful, as he always is, but somehow in this moment Blaine wishes he could ask for a photograph. Kurt is home, in his own neighborhood, comfortable in his own skin, looking confident and a little wistful as they pass a park. Blaine wants to stop walking and pull him close, tell him he deserves all the best things in the world. Look into his eyes and…

 

He wants to kiss Kurt.

 

It’s not the first time Blaine has a moment like this. He’s always been aware of how attractive Kurt is. These thoughts come every now and then, but he mostly ignores them because they are best friends. Kurt is Blaine’s best friend, he gets Blaine like no one else and they’ve been through a lot together. Blaine doesn’t want to do anything to threaten what they have.

 

It’s been about two months, now, since Blaine last had any real, lasting physical contact with anyone else. Since he and Jeremiah broke it off, Blaine’s been happily single, not even looking. Not even thinking of looking. So, it’s probably that why he suddenly longs to pull Kurt close and kiss him senseless. He shouldn’t dwell on it too much.

 

“What are you staring at?” Kurt asks suddenly, breaking the easy silence.

 

“Nothing,” Blaine answers a little too quickly.

 

“Yeah? What’s with my face, then?”

 

 _You’re distractingly gorgeous tonight_ , Blaine thinks, but that’s not something he’d ever say out loud. Not when it’s just the two of them.

 

“Your face is fine,” he settles on. He needs to explain it better, though, before Kurt gets more suspicious. “I’m… I’m just wondering what got you so upset earlier, at Puck’s.”

 

Kurt waves a hand in front of him in a gesture of brushing it aside. “I’m not used to trying to pretend to be in a relationship. It’s all okay, I’ll know what to expect from them now.”

 

“You think we need to step it up a notch more?” Blaine asks, surprising himself hoping that Kurt says yes.

 

But Kurt only shrugs. “Well, I think at some point we’ll need to improvise something. But you’ve seen the other couples, they’re not exactly sucking face in front of others. We’re not in high school anymore. They seem to believe us just fine.”

 

“Why wouldn’t they?” Blaine asks. “I mean, my first instinct when I meet somebody’s new significant other is not to ask if they’re faking it. No one actually does this, Kurt.”

 

“Except for us,” Kurt says and stops walking. “I’m so pathetic, shit.”

 

“Kurt.” Blaine stops beside him and puts a hand on his shoulder. The sun is low enough to frame Kurt. It creates a halo around Kurt’s head and he’s so otherworldly stunning that Blaine’s breath catches in his throat. He could so easily lean in close, it makes him a little crazy.

 

“Yes?”

 

Blaine swallows and blinks. “You’re not pathetic. Everyone wants love, there’s nothing wrong with that. I see your friends talking about weddings and of course it hurts, of course it does. But I’m here for you. I’m here trying to make it easier.”

 

“You are, Blaine,” Kurt says and smiles. “You are making it easier.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My many thanks for reading, commenting and leaving kudos! 
> 
> ..okay, so this chapter. It doesn't really forward the plot much. Klaine is the main point of this story, but this is also a reunion fic. This chapter is the heart of that reunion part, and I might just have gone a little overboard... 
> 
> WARNING for mentions of Finn and an overload of nostalgia.

 

Blaine still hasn’t managed to shake the weird feeling from their walk when they’re in bed that night, under the covers, just about to fall asleep. The room is nearly dark, only the faint glow of the streetlamp outside giving a little light. The air is still warm with the remnants of the hot day. Blaine can’t sleep no matter how tired he is. Kurt is curled on his side facing Blaine. It’s intimate, it’s close, but somehow it’s not close enough.

 

“Kurt, are you awake?” Blaine whispers.

 

“Mmhmm.” The mumbled reply isn’t entirely convincing.

 

“Can I hold you?”

 

Kurt lifts his head from the pillow. “Wha?”

 

“Can I hold you? I just… please?” Blaine can’t be one hundred per cent certain where this urge is coming from, but he can’t stop himself. He needs to ask this. In the almost-darkness the hows and the whys seem irrelevant.

 

“Hmm. Okay.” Kurt shuffles closer, and Blaine turns into him, putting his arm around Kurt’s waist and pressing his face into Kurt’s hair. Kurt smells good, familiar, somehow sweet. It’s a bit too warm to be close like this, but Blaine couldn’t care less. He’s happy right here, sleep suddenly tugging on the edges of his mind, Kurt in his arms.

 

\----

 

“So, we’re going to McKinley today?” Blaine asks Kurt over breakfast. It’s Thursday morning, and the day promises to be just as sunny as the one before. Burt has already left for the garage, and Carole is still sleeping, so it’s just Kurt and Blaine at breakfast. Kurt hasn’t mentioned anything about the night before, and Blaine is glad. They woke up very close to each other, but not tangled together, so Blaine can’t be sure if Kurt even remembers his need for nocturnal cuddles. He’s not really into hashing it, either, so it’s easier to avoid the subject altogether.

 

Kurt finishes his spoonful of cereal and nods. “You’ll get to see the hell hole we were forced to attend to back then. And from the inside as well!”

 

Blaine chuckles. “Rachel is a force of nature to get a janitor open the school for her during summer.”

 

“That she is,” Kurt agrees. “You’ll finally get to meet the rest of us, are you ready?”

 

“As ready as I can be, I guess,” Blaine says.

 

*

 

When they get to the school, there’s already a small gathering of people on the parking lot. Rachel is there, of course, as are Santana and Brittany. With them are some of the newcomers. Jesse has finally joined Rachel, and he greets both Kurt and Blaine with a nod. Kurt hugs Tina, nods to Mike and lets Artie bump his fist. He hasn’t been in contact with the three that much. They all live in Chicago. Mike is a dance instructor, while Artie and Tina are still in school. Artie then introduces his girlfriend, Minnie, a tiny slip of a girl with long blonde hair and big brown eyes. Kurt shakes her hand and then pulls Blaine close.

 

“Artie, Tina, Mike, this is Blaine.”

 

“Nice to meet you all,” Blaine says, and Kurt has to wonder if he’s tired of saying the words yet.

 

“You too,” Mike says. It’s another round of handshakes. Just as Blaine is shaking Artie’s hand, Mercedes and Sam arrive, and everyone is greeting everyone again. Tina gets on her tiptoes to whisper to Kurt in the commotion.

 

“He is so hot. Where did you find him?”

 

Kurt looks to Blaine, who is standing right next to them with Mike and Sam. He didn’t hear Tina’s comment, though.

 

“In college,” Kurt says, and at that, Blaine meets his eyes. “Tina just asked me how we met.”

 

Tina looks from Kurt to Blaine and back again. “But last I heard you were single, Kurt, you have not been dating him since college.”

 

“We met in college, but we just got together about a month ago,” Blaine explains to her. “I was a fool and couldn’t see what was right in front of me.”

 

Kurt is sure his face just did some pretty impressive acrobatics at the statement. He _wishes_ Blaine would see, damn it.

 

“Oh, that’s so sweet,” Tina coos.

 

“Try pining after him for years, it loses its sweetness fast,” Kurt says before he manages to stop himself, earning a confused look from both Tina and Blaine. Okay, that was a little too honest to say out loud in Blaine’s presence.

 

“Kurt, what …?” Blaine asks, but right on that moment a new car parks next to them, and Quinn gets out. Kurt lets out a relieved breath. He ignores the frown Blaine sends his way and follows the others to flock around Quinn with them.

 

Quinn is wearing a sky-blue summer dress that clearly shows her round belly. She’s pregnant, not too far along, but enough for it to be noticeable. Her husband Josh gets to her side, and the group offers them giddy congratulations on the growing family. Kurt is surprised. He never thought Quinn would start a family this young, not after what she went through in high school. Apparently life doesn’t go the way one would think. Quinn looks happy, she’s practically glowing with it, as she leans against Josh a little and smiles to her friends.

 

The last car drives to the parking lot and Puck joins them. He takes a long look at Quinn and tenses. Kurt keeps watching as Puck takes a deep breath before telling Quinn he’s happy for her.

 

“Now that we’re all finally here, Berry should lead the way,” Santana announces in a loud voice to make everyone listen. Rachel beams at the group before turning on her heel and striding towards the school. Something in her in that moment reminds Kurt sharply of the girl she used to be. She’s not the Broadway baby Rachel Berry right now, no. She’s the girl in the animal sweaters who is determined to make her dream come true, no matter what, annoying but still lovable in some unfathomable way. The others slowly follow her. Santana and Brittany’s pinkies are linked like they used to be when they all were students here. Puck may have gotten rid of his mohawk, but the look on his face is like it was in McKinley – tough and threatening, a front he put up to survive. Mike and Tina are still joined at the hip, holding hands and Mike leaning a little towards his girlfriend. Mercedes is smiling, walking side by side with Sam, and that’s something that doesn’t bring back memories. They had a summer fling, and a lot of tension after, but they only got together properly after graduation. Minnie pushes Artie’s wheelchair.

 

Kurt tugs Blaine to walk with Quinn and Josh. He can’t give Blaine a moment to get back on the slip of tongue earlier, and this is perfect. It’s not all just that, though. He has to talk to Quinn. He’s not sure where the feeling comes from, because they never were really friends. They just co-existed in the choir room and spent the rest of the time mostly in mutual ignorance.

 

“I had no idea that you’re expecting,” he says, gesturing towards Quinn’s belly as they follow the others.

 

“Yeah, we haven’t really made any big announcements anywhere,” Quinn says. “It’s nice to see you, Kurt. This is my husband Josh, I think you haven’t met?”

 

They haven’t. For some reason Kurt hasn’t seen Quinn since Finn’s funeral. They always seemed to pass each other in the reunions, not making it into the one the other went to. Kurt shakes Josh’s hand. He’s tall with brown hair and a nice smile that somehow makes Kurt think of Finn. His handshake is warm and firm.

 

Then Kurt turns a little to Blaine. “This is my… Blaine.” The word boyfriend chokes him out of nowhere.

 

Quinn gives them an amused look. “Your Blaine?”

 

“Yeah,” Blaine says easily. “And he’s my Kurt. A pleasure to meet you.”

 

Kurt feels hot on Blaine’s words, but he decides to ignore those feelings and thoughts completely as they make their way inside the school building.

 

The assault of memories is even more overwhelming than the one on the parking lot. The smell of the hallways is just like it used to be, and it brings back so many feelings that Kurt feels dizzy. He has to close his eyes against it. Suddenly he’s not confident New Yorker anymore, he feels like the lonely gay boy in Lima, abused and bullied by his peers. He’s denying that he’s scared of coming to school, he plays it up and dresses as flamboyantly as he can just to annoy them, just to intimidate even a little bit by not conforming to their rules. He’s small and his back hurts from the locker shoves.

 

He reaches for Blaine’s hand for support, and is glad when Blaine holds on tight to his fingers. That’s not his life anymore. That’s in the past, and he’s so much better now than he was then.

 

The lockers are the same green color as they used to be, the floor is squeaky under Sam’s tennis shoes. The only difference is that it looks a lot smaller that Kurt remembers. He did get his last growth spurts in college, so it might be true – he looks at the lockers from higher than he’s used to.

 

The whole group is quiet, just taking it all in, and Kurt bets there are memories running through everyone’s head at this point. There’s nostalgia, remembering the good, but there are also ghosts of the past, because they all hurt in this place. It’s an eerie feeling, like standing between two worlds. One world is real, true and wonderful, and the other is the past, but still very much there. It’s like looking at the hallway through two different lenses: seeing it as it is now, but also seeing it as it was then.

 

Everyone starts talking all at once.

 

“I want to go see my locker!” Rachel says and drags Jesse away.

 

“Remember the astronomy classroom?” Tina asks Mike, cuddling to his side.

 

Mike only scowls. “You called me Beiste.” That makes Tina sulk, which in turn makes Sam laugh out loud right beside them.

 

“I wonder if the slushie machine is still there,” Puck says and takes off to the chorus of everyone else groaning. Blaine, Minnie and Josh look at them with confused frowns on their faces.

 

“Oh, the torture of the slushie,” Kurt says. “That’s the thing I probably miss the least, and that’s saying something. I miss nothing from here, except maybe you people.”

 

“Oh, boo,” Mercedes smiles and tucks her arm into Kurt’s free one.

 

They walk on as a group, sharing anecdotes, stories, and memories as they go. Something happened in that corner; that was Artie’s locker; there was a fight right there that one time. There Quinn and Finn kissed for the first time, and that’s where that one couple broke up right before class in front of the whole school.

 

Kurt points Blaine to the lockers where he came out for the first time. Telling the story makes him very emotional. He still remembers saying those words to Mercedes, tears in his eyes, throat closing up in fear but knowing that he could trust her. He needed to get the truth out, he hated that Mercedes thought he was into Rachel. Kurt has to take a deep, shuddering breath against the memory. It’s not a bad one, per se, it’s just a painful one, though freeing at the same time.

 

Blaine gives him a look and squeezes around his fingers.

 

By the time they reach the choir room Rachel, Jesse, and Puck have joined them again. They get in the room together. It, too, looks smaller than Kurt remembers it to be, the risers much lower. The piano is there, but otherwise the room is empty, chairs stacked away for the summer. The cabinet still holds their trophies. Everyone has fallen silent again, probably lost in their memories. Rachel stands by the trophy cabinet, staring at the smallest of them – the very first they got when they lost at Sectionals. It seems like an eternity ago.

 

“I think we should go to the auditorium next,” Rachel says after a long moment. They look at each other and agree. It would have been nice to sit on the chairs once more, look at each other like they used to, sitting in a haphazard group, couples paired together. Back in the day, one could pretty much tell if there was fighting going on just based on how people were sitting. It’s too much work to set the chairs out, though. Kurt takes one final look of the room and walks out. That room was a kind of a sanctuary, but it wasn’t without its flaws. He was glad to leave it behind once, and he has no problem walking out of there now.

 

Once in the auditorium, they head backstage like-mindedly, without anyone actually voicing the idea. The group stops by the photos there like they have one collective mind.

 

They are there to remember Finn.

 

His face is there, forever framed, above a quote that makes them all smile through the feeling of loss. They’ve all dealt with it, they’ve made their peace, but it’s fine to feel it again every once in a while. That’s how grief is – it stays with you forever, even if the worst pain passes. Kurt blinks back tears while he stares into Finn’s smiling face. Rachel bites her lip so hard she’s whimpering next to Kurt, and Kurt has to pull her close. She clings to him, presses against his side and turns her face away from the picture. She takes a few deep breaths and then looks to Kurt, nodding. There are tears in her eyes still, but her look is determined.

 

“Sing,” Kurt tells her, just loud enough for everyone to hear. “Go out there and do what you do best.”

 

Rachel nods again and walks to the stage as the group follows. They share looks, knowing that there’s only one song she’s going to pick for them. They all know it by heart, still, after all these years. Kurt’s sure those lyrics will never fade from his mind no matter what happens.

 

“ _Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, she took the midnight train going anywhere_ ,” Rachel sings her heart out to the empty auditorium.

 

“ _Just a city boy_ ,” Kurt joins in following her on the stage, and in turn, they all do, singing a line or two here, others backing up, improvising, they’re singing in threes and twos and dancing. Their voices rise from the stage to the empty chairs, echoing a little in the walls, every individual’s music joining together to create something magical. Kurt’s skin is pebbling, he can feel it in his bones, his hands shaking with emotion and exhilaration. This is the thing he misses, the thrill of singing together, forgetting the world and every pain there ever was, just existing in a moment and singing their hearts out. In a way, this is home: this song, these people, this place, it’s like a puzzle coming together perfectly. They’re all hugging each other, Mercedes smacks a kiss on Kurt’s cheek, Tina is crying through the lyrics. Artie high fives Puck, Brittany twirls around and throws herself into Santana’s waiting arms. Kurt takes a shuddering breath. He loves these people, in this moment he loves them more than anything. He knows a big part of it is nostalgia, being here again after a long while. Being here together helps them forget all the bad things they went through, all the petty arguments and drama. It doesn’t mean it isn’t there: the insults and the pain they’ve inflicted upon each other won’t ever fade completely. But in this moment, it’s meaningless, because they are part of something special, like Rachel used to say. Kurt revels in the feeling without bitterness. He knows it will pass, but right now, it’s an eternity that seems to link them irrevocably together.

 

The song, like all songs, must come to an end eventually. Kurt feels a hand on his shoulder and turns to find Blaine there. His always expressive eyes are wet and huge, even though he’s only on the outside looking in to the world Kurt is a part of. The New Directions are in their own bubble, and Kurt could never explain what it’s like there. But Blaine probably gets some of the overflowing emotion in the room, and reacts to it, even though he doesn’t share all the history the others do.

 

“That was awesome,” Blaine says.

 

“Yeah,” Kurt says and pulls him into a hug, holds him close to remind himself about the reality outside of these doors. Kurt has a life there, a life he loves even more than he loves the life he used to have.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for your comments and kudos! 
> 
> I started at a new job yesterday (yay I won't be jobless once I get my Master's) and I'm trying to adapt to a new life schedule, so I won't be able to answer to your comments right away, or comment the fics I'm reading as fast. I still love to read what you think about this, I read your comments at least three times each, because they make me feel so valid. There aren't many things in my life that achieve to do the same, and I'm overwhelmed by the positive feedback you've given me. 
> 
> I will keep updating this story according to schedule, though, no worries! Except for this week, because you'll be getting the next update on Thursday instead of Friday.

 

Breadstix is at the same time different and not different at all as Blaine had imagined it to be. It’s a typical small town restaurant with patrons of all ages and stale bread sticks to munch on. The colors are muted but pleasant. The booths are surprisingly large, though they are not sitting in one: they are in two long tables pushed together, because there simply wasn’t a table large enough for all of them. Blaine is sitting between Kurt and Tina, across from Artie. He’s again mostly just observing the others. Mercedes, seated across from Kurt, is telling about her and Sam’s apartment hunt that so far has been a complete failure. Tina is engaged in a deep conversation about clothes with Brittany, a confused Mike between them trying to raise his voice enough for Artie to hear him.

 

Mr. Schuester is sitting next to Rachel at the end of the table. He’s a real surprise. From Kurt’s stories Blaine had pictured someone old and graying, an overly enthusiastic man with some extra weight around his waist. In reality, Mr. Schuester is in his forties and very, very fit. Mr. Schue is actually kind of hot – he’s in great shape and he has a nice smile. His clothing choices could be better, though. He’s dressed in a dark blue shirt with a cut that doesn’t flatter him at all. Blaine could also give him a tip or two about styling his hair.

 

“Remind me to tell you about the time Rachel had a crush on him,” Kurt whispers into Blaine’s ear, clearly noticing where Blaine’s eyes are.

 

“Is there someone she hasn’t crushed on?” Blaine asks. He’s heard stories about Finn, about Puck, about that short thing with Sam, and only yesterday he heard that Rachel might have had hopeful thoughts about one head Warbler. Now her teacher as well?

 

“Me?” Kurt jokes, and Blaine rolls his eyes.

 

“Like I’ve said before, you’re way better than her. You two are not nearly in the same league. That match would never work.”

 

“And like _I’ve_ said before,” Kurt says and licks his lips, “flattery will get you everywhere.”

 

Blaine could swear Kurt’s tone is almost seductive, his voice lower than normal and making shivers run down Blaine’s spine. He’s not sure what’s going on. Kurt got a little snappy before they went to McKinley, and Blaine really should ask him about that pining comment, but there hasn’t been time. And now Kurt’s sitting so close, talking in that low tone, and Blaine is flustered with it all. He doesn’t want to think about it.

 

Luckily the food arrives right then. Blaine lets out a breath of relief, because he has no idea what might have come out of his mouth without the interruption. There’s a lull in the conversation, everyone focusing on their food instead of each other. Blaine is too aware of Kurt sitting right next to him, elbows colliding every once in a while. He’s used to being in Kurt’s space. He’s also well aware that it’s a privilege to be allowed close. Kurt prefers his personal bubble rather big, but it’s nothing new to them to sit thigh to thigh, or their feet touching. They’re not even that close right now. What is wrong with Blaine? He’s all hot and bothered, too close, but not close enough. This is Kurt, his _best friend_. He shakes his head and tries to focus on his meal.

 

The food is far from authentic Italian, but it tastes fine. The conversation resumes around the table after everyone has started on their meals. Blaine listens to Mike and Tina taking turns telling about their Fourth of July party, and is startled when Kurt’s hand lands on his thigh.

 

“We went to see that show, actually, before they went on the road,” Kurt’s saying to Mercedes and Sam.

 

“Show?” Blaine asks, turning to Kurt.

 

“Oh, look who’s here. Hello, Killer,” a sharp voice interrupts before Kurt answers. Blaine stiffens in his seat at the nickname and turns around to look at the man standing behind him.

 

A smug smirk greets him. Blaine can’t believe he ran into Sebastian Smythe here, in Lima, of all places. Sebastian is wearing a gray, well-fitting suit and a sky-blue tie. He’s as polished as he ever was, but that’s all on the outside. Inside, Sebastian is ruthless, always after his own gain.

 

“Sebastian. What brings you to Lima?” Blaine asks.

 

At hearing the name, Kurt stares, first at Blaine, then at Sebastian. The two have never met, but Kurt knows all about Blaine’s history with Sebastian. The joy, but mostly the hurt and shame that followed. Blaine can practically feel the daggers Kurt’s eyes are throwing Sebastian’s way.

 

“I could ask you the same. Last I heard, you had left the whole state of Ohio behind for greener pastures. Or, should I say, for more concrete of the Big Apple.” Sebastian raises his eyebrows. “I’m here on business. There’s a local client who wanted to meet on his home turf instead of taking the trip to Columbus.”

 

Sebastian has a job in his father’s law firm, then. It comes as no surprise to Blaine. Sebastian was always headed towards that place, being a corporate lawyer under his father. Ruthless and cutthroat, looking for gain for their clients and themselves, Sebastian comes to his father in that regard.

 

“Blaine’s here with me,” Kurt says. His arm finds its way around Blaine’s shoulders, warm and possessive. Kurt is stating his claim, clear for all to see. Blaine shivers a little, leaning into the touch. He gets a stupid thrill out of this, out of being _this_ in front of Sebastian.

 

Sebastian gives Kurt a once-over full of sneer, without a hint of appreciation. “And you are?”

 

“Kurt Hummel.” Kurt doesn’t offer his hand, because his arm is still around Blaine. Blaine’s not sure if Kurt would shake hands with Sebastian in any situation, though.

 

Sebastian brushes Kurt off, turning his eyes to Blaine. “So, is this your type then?”

 

“My type is none of your business, Sebastian,” Blaine grits out. He almost wants to tell Sebastian to fuck off, but there’s a family with children right there, and Blaine was raised better.

 

Kurt doesn’t share Blaine’s problem. “As nice as this wasn’t, we are in the middle of a dinner here. Feel free to get to your client.”

 

Sebastian seems completely unfazed by Kurt’s icy tone. His eyes stay on Blaine. Blaine’s smile is forced and stiff, and he wishes he was anywhere but here.

 

“I’m in town over the weekend. If you feel like taking a step down the memory lane,” Sebastian says and steps forward, placing his card on the table in front of Blaine. Then he nods at the people around the table, turns on his heel and walks away.

 

Blaine closes his eyes and breathes. He’s not sure what to think, how to feel. Kurt is there, he pulls Blaine into a half-hug by his shoulders. Blaine leans his head on Kurt’s temple before pulling away and grabbing the fork and knife he set down as Sebastian appeared. He can’t dwell on this. Everyone’s eyes are drawn to them, and Blaine has to close his eyes again to escape it.

 

“What was that?” Sam asks.

 

“Who’s he to come and ruin our meal?” Santana asks. She sounds angry and ready to go after Sebastian to commit murder. “I do not like him.”

 

Blaine’s touched by their concern, but he really doesn’t want to talk about Sebastian.

 

“A long story from the time Blaine was a Warbler,” Kurt says. “It’s nothing to worry about.”

 

They are curious, the lot of them, but they all know a thing or two about a past that’s better to forget and let go of. They go back to eating, back to their conversations before the interruption.

 

*

 

Kurt seethes for the rest of the meal. He knows about Sebastian Smythe, about his relentless pursuit of Blaine and his inability to take no for an answer without repercussions. Still, meeting the man out of the blue like that left him shaken. He has never in his life met someone so dislikeable from first sight. A part of him wanted to jump out of his seat to physically force Sebastian away from Blaine. The burning anger Sebastian’s appearance has lit up almost scares Kurt. He knows he has a protective streak a mile wide, but this reaction is all kinds of extreme. He can’t really concentrate on the people around him, no matter how much time it’s been since they’ve been together. Damn Sebastian for ruining their meal.

 

Blaine seems to be able to brush off the encounter better. He’s talking to Tina about the upcoming play and his music in it, and Tina listens intently. Almost too intently. Kurt is very close to leaning over to remind her that she has a boyfriend, for she’s practically drooling over Blaine. But Tina always was easily attracted to everyone pretty, and Kurt lets it go. He knows she loves Mike like nothing else. He’s also glad that Blaine has someone to talk to, to forget ever seeing Sebastian.

 

Mercedes picks up on Kurt’s mood, probably noticing his silence. “Boo, are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah.”

 

“You’ve turned really quiet.” Her dark eyes are full of compassion.

 

Kurt gives her a small smile. “He’s just nasty. But… I guess it’s fine. Blaine’s fine.”

 

“That’s the nice way of saying it’s none of my business, isn’t it?” Mercedes asks, not unkindly.

 

“Oh, girl. You know me too well. I’m sorry, but it’s not my story to tell.”

 

They talk long after their meals and desserts are gone. Kurt brightens up a little, gets to know Artie’s girlfriend Minnie, and shares some memories of Breadstix with Mercedes and Tina. At last they are ushered out to make way for other patrons. They decide to meet up again for drinks at a bar close by. Quinn begs off, telling them she’s tired of the flight still and wants to get to sleep early. She leaves, her husband’s arm around her, and Kurt still has to marvel at her. He never would have thought he’d see this kind of Quinn. After that, everyone scatters their way, hollering into the evening about meeting soon. There’s no one to fool anymore when Kurt and Blaine head to the car, but Kurt holds on to Blaine’s hand anyway, and Blaine lets him. It’s nice.

 

“So, that was Sebastian.”

 

Blaine shakes his head a little. “Yeah. He hasn’t changed one bit.”

 

“How are you feeling? It’s not every day you meet your abuser out of the blue.” Kurt has to let go of Blaine to unlock the car and walk around it to get in. His hand feels empty and cold.

 

“Abuser? That’s a bit harsh,” Blaine says once they’re in the car.

 

“No, it is not,” Kurt insists, buckling up. “From what you’ve told me, that guy did not treat you right.”

 

Blaine shrugs. “Well, I guess.”

 

“Anyway, how are you feeling?” Kurt asks as he starts the car and backs off the row of cars.

 

“I’m fine.” Blaine wipes a hand over his jeans, high on his thigh. “I wish it hadn’t happened, but it did, and I’m okay.”

 

It seems to be the truth. Sometimes Blaine hides how he’s really feeling about things, holds himself and especially his pain in, but Kurt’s learned to weed out the bullshit. What Blaine says now seems legit and true, Blaine is not trying to make the thing smaller than it is. He’s actually okay instead of just saying so to not make Kurt worry.

 

*

 

As Kurt drives, Blaine slips a finger into his pants’ pocket, feeling the edge of the card he stuffed there. Sebastian’s card. He’s not quite sure why he took it. He knows the smart thing would have been to tear it into pieces and leave those pieces on his plate to be taken care of. No matter how painful his past with Sebastian is, both mentally and physically, there was a time when Blaine cared for Sebastian. It might be nice to talk sometime. To get closure, really talk about things and clear the air. Blaine still longs for some answers he never got.

 

Sebastian transferred to Dalton on Blaine’s junior year. He’d been in Paris for a year as an exchange student. He had been worldly, smart and open, and he had made no secret about wanting Blaine. Blaine had been flattered and flustered by the attention, as well as a little weirded out. It was the first time a boy ever showed interest in him, real interest that might lead to something more than just two shy kisses and avoidance after. Sebastian was out and proud and almost obnoxious in his behavior. His comments and flattery had won Blaine over after a long, torturous semester. They’d gone out for coffee and after, Blaine had eagerly followed Sebastian to his dorm room.

 

It had been just sex. The romance Blaine longed for hadn’t even been up for discussion. And Blaine had refused to let Sebastian fuck him. Again and again he said no. Sebastian brought it up at least once a week. Then Blaine told him to his face that it wasn’t working, he wanted out, they were done.

 

That had ended with rock salt in Blaine’s right eye and a surgery.

 

Sebastian had let go after that. Blaine likes to think that he regretted it, but he can’t be sure. He wants to talk to Sebastian about it. He wants to get real answers. Maybe after all these years they might be able to look at the situation differently and have a conversation like adults. So, Blaine took the card. He has Sebastian’s number. Maybe he’ll call once they’re back in New York and there is a lot of distance between Blaine and Sebastian.

 

At least he has that option now.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like I told you Tuesday, I'm updating a day early. Today is a holiday here, and tomorrow I'm crazy busy, so here you have the next chapter. I really like this one, hope you do, too. 
> 
> WARNING for vague homophobia and hints at the Sadie Hawkins dance, but nothing detailed or graphic.

 

When Kurt and Blaine get to the bar, everyone else is already there. They are easy to spot across the space because they are the biggest and loudest group by far, jammed into a booth. Kurt and Blaine make their way over the nearly empty bar and greet everyone. Kurt ends up sitting squished between Blaine and Tina in the rounded booth, him and Blaine taking Puck’s place as he and Santana head out to get drinks for the group. It takes a while for everyone to settle to their places, since there isn’t too much room. Mike and Sam seem to be deep in a conversation already, not letting the moving around stop them. Mercedes is giggling at something Brittany said, scooting closer to Sam in an attempt to make some space. Rachel is telling Artie a story with wide, sweeping hand gestures, sitting halfway in Jesse’s lap.

 

“Where did you two disappear to? It took you forever to get here,” Tina complains to Kurt once they’ve settled somewhat comfortably. Blaine is pressed right into him from knee to hip to shoulder, but Kurt can’t say he actually minds.

 

“Oh, nowhere,” Kurt laughs. “We had to change clothes!”

 

“So you say,” Tina says and raises an eyebrow in doubt. “Surely you didn’t stop for a quickie on the way home from Breadstix?”

 

“Wanky,” Santana comments as she returns with a tray of drinks. Everyone hurries to claim a glass for themselves.

 

“What if we did, though?” Blaine says to Tina, leaning across Kurt to get heard. “We’re adults in a relationship, we’re allowed.”

 

Kurt can’t breathe. He can’t possibly think about this or he’ll combust. He can’t allow himself to think about sex with Blaine, no matter how much he’s wanted to, over the years. Whenever the thought has crossed his mind, he’s fought to keep it abstract. He doesn’t want to go there, no matter what kind of dreams he’s had. He’s drawn a line there – he will never fantasize about his best friend. But now Blaine is saying stuff like that and making things really hard, pun almost intended. Kurt pushes Blaine back to get some space.   


“You don’t need to give her ideas,” he says and manages to sound somewhat normal.

 

Blaine just gives him a look Kurt’s not ready to analyze, a look full of heat and teasing. Then Sam calls Blaine’s name and asks him something, and Kurt tunes them out to freak out in peace. Tina also gives him a look, but then turns to talk over the table, joining in a conversation. Blaine’s hand stayed behind once he moved, and it rests lightly on Kurt’s thigh. Not too high, but still undeniably there, distracting Kurt from everything else. This is everything he wants and everything he can’t have. Blaine suddenly upping the game and talking about sex is too much. Kurt can feel his ears burning. He takes a breath and covers Blaine’s hand with his own. They’re supposed to sell this.

 

Blaine doesn’t even look at him at the touch, he only turns his hand around so that their palms are touching, and twines their fingers together snugly. Kurt bites his lip and looks at their hands. They look so right, they feel so right. Kurt never really believed in the spark people keep talking about. There’s no spark when he holds Blaine’s hand. There’s only a good feeling, like things are as they should be, like Kurt belongs here. Like this is right. Like Kurt’s hand is supposed to hold on to Blaine’s.

 

“Kurt! I asked you a question,” Tina says, voice filled with amusement. It’s clear this is not the first time she’s called Kurt’s name.

 

“What?”

 

“Get your mind out of whatever dirty things you’re imagining,” Santana says. “Tell us about your assistant job instead.”

 

“Okay,” Kurt agrees. Half of his concentration is still in the hands joined on his thigh, but he manages to tell the others about his job just fine, anyway.

 

*

 

The night passes quickly. Blaine gets to talk with Sam longer than in ages. After Kurt heads to the dance floor with Mercedes, Santana, and Brittany, Blaine has a nice conversation with Tina, who seems a bit quirky but she’s fun nonetheless. Before long Tina and Mike go to dance as well, leaving Blaine to the table with Sam and Puck, who are busy debating about football. Blaine lets them relive their glory days as high school football players and focuses on looking around instead.

 

The bar isn’t that large, nor very full. It’s Thursday, a weeknight. There are some people about their age, and few older guys sitting in one corner. Rachel and Jesse are now sitting by the counter, drinking and appearing to be deep in conversation, heads almost together. Minnie is sitting in Artie’s lap on the other side of the table, and the couple is in their own world, slowly kissing every once in a while.

 

On the dance floor there’s almost a crowd. The New Directions and their plus ones take most of the space. Santana and Brittany are grinding together to the beat, drawing several glances from the locals, both horny and disapproving. It’s stupid that girls are allowed to do that without getting into trouble, Blaine thinks to himself. If he were to dance with Kurt like that, someone would without a doubt come and give them a piece of their mind. Mike and Tina are also dancing together, Mike twirling Tina around. They are not dancing as close together as Santana and Brittany. Tina laughs, beaming up at her boyfriend, and Blaine smiles, too.

 

Kurt is dancing next to Mercedes. The two are goofing off, not even trying to be serious as they make silly faces at each other. Despite that Kurt looks amazing. He’s wearing the tightest jeans in existence, they are practically painted on him, leaving very little to the imagination. His sleeveless black shirt has a slight golden shine to it, and his skin almost glows white in contrast. His hair is up even higher than normal, defying gravity, just a couple of locks fallen to his forehead, enticing. And if the outfit wasn’t enough, the way he moves is out of this world. He turns in a circle, bumps into Mercedes playfully before shaking his hips and ass. Kurt is a good dancer, not phenomenal like Mike and Brittany, who are now dancing together and making people practically gasp with their moves, but still something to admire. Kurt knows how to move, he’s especially good with his hips and strut. He controls his body, sliding and bumping, full of grace. Out there in the world he might be a little clumsy at times, but when he’s dancing, all that disappears.

 

The song changes into something slightly slower, darker, the bass strong. Kurt changes rhythm as well, his body moving sensuously in waves, hands sliding down his thighs, his ass on display in those pants. Blaine can’t stop staring at him. His movements are so fluid, so easy. He’s clearly enjoying himself, the music and moving along to it. Blaine wants to grab onto those hips and pull him close, move together as one.

 

“You do realize you can go dance with your boy instead of just ogling him, right?” Puck says and makes Blaine jump a little in his seat.

 

 _He’s not my boy_ , Blaine almost says, but manages to keep it in.

 

“You’re practically salivating, go! We have your back.” Puck makes a shooing gesture, and Sam nods along.

 

“Are you sure?” Blaine asks, Puck’s words reminding him again that this is not New York, this is not an open-minded bar, and there might be consequences. Santana and Brittany get away with it because men like to watch them, but if Blaine really went to dance with Kurt… He wasn’t safe in a school dance, how could he be safe here?

 

“We’ll keep an eye on things from here,” Puck promises.

 

“Yeah, man, go have fun,” Sam says.

 

“Thanks, guys.” Blaine finishes his beer and sets it down. He takes a deep breath, gets up and heads over to the dance floor. He’s not drunk, barely tipsy, since he’s only had one cocktail and a beer. He still blames his sudden lust on the alcohol.

 

Kurt’s dancing, his eyes closed, in his own bubble. The others are close by, dancing in a group now, but Kurt is a little separate from them. Blaine smiles a hello to Mercedes and Brittany as he steps in front of Kurt and places a hand on his waist. Kurt jumps a little, opens his eyes to look at Blaine, and the surprise on his face turns into delight.

 

“Dance with me?” Blaine asks over the music that beats louder here than in their booth.

 

Kurt nods and without hesitation puts his arms around Blaine’s neck. He’s slightly sweaty, his cheeks are red, he’s grinning and swaying his hips, and Blaine is more lost than ever. He sets his both hands on Kurt’s waist, carefully high enough, and follows Kurt’s moves, letting him choose the way. It’s hot here, and music overpowers everything, even his thoughts. Kurt looks hot, the stray locks of hair in his eyes as he looks at Blaine and grins. He tickles his fingers into Blaine’s hair and bumps their hips together. The contact is over too fast, but it leaves Blaine reeling, clutching tighter on to Kurt. They stare into each others’ eyes, almost breathing the same air.

 

Blaine dives into feelings head first.

 

*

 

Kurt’s surprised Blaine came to dance with him. This is Ohio, and on top of that they have parts to play for their friends. They’ve danced together before, in clubs in New York, in their apartment, but that’s always been all friendly and fun. Now there’s fire in Blaine’s dark eyes, and his hands are digging into Kurt’s sides in a nearly possessive way, really holding on instead of just resting there. Kurt feels drunker than he is, lost in Blaine and music. His mind is muddled and his thoughts seem slow. He feels the music as if it’s floating through him. He’s just moving, not thinking, close to Blaine, into Blaine. It’s a heady high, feeling the beat and repeating it in movement. And Blaine is right there, so close. Their hips bump together for the second time, and this time stay close. Suddenly one of Blaine’s feet is between Kurt’s. Kurt buries one hand into the hair on the back of Blaine’s head. Their chests brush together as they keep moving together, against each other, almost no space in between. Kurt shimmies his shoulders, meets Blaine’s eyes and lifts a challenging eyebrow. _You got me here, whatcha gonna do with me?_ Blaine’s hand slides down, leaving a trail of fire in its wake before it settles on Kurt’s hipbone. Blaine holds on, tight, returning the look Kurt gave him, eyes smoldering under long, dark lashes. Kurt feels wild and bold, reckless, a little dangerous. It thrills under his skin, leaves goose bumps on his arms. He tingles with Blaine’s closeness, the music and their movements bring them closer and closer together, even though that’s not even really possible anymore. They dance chest to chest, hips to hips, thigh to thigh, and Kurt tugs on Blaine’s hair. Blaine shudders against him as Kurt scratches his scalp with his nails.

 

The song ends and Kurt manages to feel a second of confusion before another picks up properly. It’s slightly slower, not as heavy with bass, not a slow dance song but not so party crazy either. Blaine keeps Kurt close, staring into his eyes. Kurt can’t look away. He’s flushed with everything, halfway to turned on as they move together, as one. They sway to the music, almost cheek to cheek now. Blaine is so close, the air between them charged. Kurt feels the song to his bones, Blaine’s breath on his skin. He has to close his eyes or he’ll catch aflame.

 

“Let me?” Blaine’s breath is on his ear, words just barely loud enough, and Kurt is nodding before he knows what he’s agreeing to, and…

 

Blaine kisses him.

 

Kurt only moves an inch, and Blaine’s lips are right there, on him, soft and wet, firm against Kurt’s, and Kurt melts into the kiss he’s been dreaming of for years. He lets Blaine suck on his lower lip and gives back by nipping on Blaine’s upper lip. Blaine takes advantage of Kurt’s parted mouth, touches his tongue on Kurt’s. Kurt is shivering all over, hot and cold, knees weak. Blaine lifts his left hand to caress Kurt’s cheek and jaw, to hold him close just a little longer. Dancing is all forgotten now as Kurt clings to Blaine, suddenly desperate. Blaine is kissing him. Blaine. Blaine just made a move Kurt’s been waiting for years and what is happening, it can’t be real yet there it is, a firm pressure of lips on lips. Hot hands moving on him, around him, an agile tongue teasing his.

 

“Hey, boys, don’t forget to breathe!” Mercedes’ voice comes from somewhere way too close to Kurt’s ear and makes him leap away from Blaine. The noise their separating mouths make is indecent even under the blare of music. Blaine just stares at him with a stunned expression, hand still hovering mid-air.

 

“I’m all for you two being in love, but this is still Lima,” Mercedes continues, inclining her head to the side.

 

Kurt looks over the way she’s gesturing, and sees three guys sending scathing looks their way. One of them is already getting up from his seat. Kurt doesn’t know what to think, he’s still dizzy with the kiss, the music is still loud, and how is the world still the same, after that kiss? He’s exhilarated and confused as fuck, and he really doesn’t like the look of that guy coming their way. Kurt and Blaine just kissed, practically made out right in front of everyone, every high school friend Kurt has, and… Kurt fists his shaking hands. His mind is a mess.

 

“We should probably go,” Blaine says. His eyes are fixed on the guys by the round table not too far from the dance floor. One of them is standing up, but a pissed-looking Puck appears right in front of him.

 

Kurt is torn. He refuses to let others tell him what he can or can’t do, and he should be allowed to dance here the same as anyone. He is who he is, and he won’t change or hide just to make others feel comfortable in their ignorance. On the other hand, he wants to keep the peace. He’s not into fighting. On top of it all, Blaine looks suddenly like a nervous wreck, staring at Puck and the other guy. Kurt knows Blaine had to endure violence because of his sexuality when he was young. That seals it. Kurt won’t cover in fear because of a homophobic idiot, but he needs to make sure Blaine is okay. His dignity can take the hit. Blaine is his priority.

 

“Yeah, let’s,” Kurt says to Blaine and gives Mercedes a sad smile. That’s all he has time for, because suddenly Blaine is taking hold of his wrist and practically dragging him outside. Kurt follows him through the bar, meekly waving a hand to his friends.

 

They burst out into the night. The air feels cool after the heat of the bar. Kurt feels the sweat on his skin, how his shirt is clinging to his lower back. It’s gross, and cold. The slight wind makes him shiver – the heat of the day has passed, and he doesn’t have a jacket. He’s still slightly aroused, also, and his jeans feel awfully tight on him. Usually he finds weird calm in dressing in constricting clothes, but now it’s too much.

 

Blaine lets go of Kurt’s wrist but keeps on walking, and Kurt has to hurry after him.

 

“Is everything alright?” he has to ask.

 

*

 

Blaine doesn’t look at Kurt even though he feels Kurt’s eyes on his skin. He’s hot, there’s arousal and adrenaline thrumming in his veins, and he’s kind of shaky. Is everything alright? He has no idea. He feels scattered, he can’t find all his pieces and much less form a coherent picture of them.

 

“I’m scared shitless that those idiots are coming after us any moment now,” he says, something easy to pinpoint, the fear that the aggressive, tall guy woke in him. Everything else is a mess. He’s scared, he’s turned on, his whole body is humming with it all, and to top it off he’s tipsy. He has no idea how he feels. He wants Kurt, he wants to run away.

 

“They won’t.”

 

“How can you know that?”

 

“Blaine, take it easy.” Kurt puts a hand on Blaine’s arm and that makes Blaine feel relieved. Maybe he didn’t fuck everything up after all. “Puck can be damn scary when he wants to, and I believe right now he wants to.”

 

“Can we still go back to yours? I don’t feel like stepping into that bar anymore,” Blaine says quietly. The adrenaline is finally leaving him, making him exhausted.

 

“Of course we can. I’ll call us a cab, okay?” Kurt pets his arm before taking his phone from his pocket and making the call.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (just in case someone is interested, the song I listened to during writing THAT scene is Another Lonely Night by Adam Lambert)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry for being late! AO3 went down just before I was going to post yesterday, so here I am, a day late. 
> 
> Love your comments, I remain deeply grateful for them as well as the kudos you've given me.

 

Luckily the drive back to Kurt’s is short, because they don’t talk in the cab and Blaine can’t quite decide if it’s awkward or not. Burt and Carole are already asleep when they finally get inside the house. It’s dark and silent there, and Blaine feels like there’s no way he’s being quiet enough. They don’t talk as they go upstairs and into Kurt’s room. Blaine follows Kurt almost mindlessly, still very torn about everything that happened – everything he did. He thinks he wants to sleep for a week and not think about anything at all. He refuses to think about it.

 

He feels pretty gross. The sweat from dancing in the bar has dried on his skin. It’s awful to even think about going to bed like this. He pulls his shirt away from his chest with a disgusted face.

 

“Do you want the first shower?” Kurt asks, sitting on his bed.

 

“Your parents won’t mind if we shower this late?” Blaine asks. He’d love a shower, but he doesn’t want to cause any inconvenience.

 

“No, they won’t. Neither of them is a light sleeper. Go, before you fall asleep standing.” Kurt makes a shooing motion with his hands, but he’s smiling, so he’s not mad at Blaine. Blaine takes comfort in that. This could be awkward, or weird, but it’s like always, the two of them late at night, tired. It’s almost like nothing happened. It’s almost like Blaine never kissed his best friend on the mouth in front of a bunch of people. Blaine decides not to think about that right now, and goes to get his towel and pajama pants before heading to the shower. He’s numb, but at the same time his feelings are running all over the place. He focuses a little too intently on undressing, stepping into the shower and then adjusting the water temperature to his liking. He can’t think, not yet.

 

He steps under the warm spray and sighs.

 

He kissed Kurt tonight. And it didn’t end there. They had to go into licking and sucking and making out right there, on the dance floor. Blaine’s never done anything like that before. He’s never been into doing stuff in public, maybe a short kiss goodbye or hello, but nothing more. Ever. Except now, and with Kurt of all people. His beautiful, talented best friend. Blaine wonders how long they can remain best friends after this.

 

He can still feel the ghost of Kurt’s soft lips against his, the fingers in his hair, a warm and solid beautifully male _Kurt_ pressing into him. The vague leftover arousal that dimmed during their ride home lights up and makes Blaine’s cock wake up. Blaine tries to ignore it, shampoos his hair almost aggressively. It only makes him remember how Kurt scratched his scalp and it felt so good. Kurt had indeed done that. Kurt had kissed him back. He had pushed closer, held on tight. Kurt did not push him away but pulled him closer. Blaine rinses his hair, feeling hot all over with possibility. Maybe Kurt wants him back. Kurt used to have a crush on him. Kurt did throw in that remark about pining for him for years. What if it’s all true, and not acting at all?

 

Blaine takes the body wash and squirts some on his hand. He tries to be clinical about it, but touching his skin only eggs him on, turns him on more. It seems like his whole body is lit up with it. No matter where he touches, it feels ten times more intense than usually. His skin is warm, smooth under his touch. Want burns in the bottom of his belly, and he can’t help himself. He ducks under the spray and wraps a hand around himself. Within moments, he’s completely hard. He bites his lip, remembering how Kurt bit him similar way less than an hour ago. Remembers Kurt so close, closer than ever before, and jerks himself hard and fast. It almost hurts though the body wash and water ease the movement.

 

He bites down on Kurt’s name as he comes, and finishes cleaning up as quickly as possible. The evidence of his shame goes down the drain, and he’s not sure how to face Kurt now.

 

*

 

Kurt sits on the bed listening to the silence. After a moment he can hear the shower running, but that’s the only sound in the night. A loud chirp startles him, makes him jump and almost fall off the bed. His phone and the message alert sound that Blaine hates.

 

It’s Chandler.

 

_Hey there handsome, how was your day? Are you still out drinking?_

Kurt lets out a loud sigh. He doesn’t want to deal with this right now – he has other things to think about. Maybe it was a mistake to give his number to Chandler. He throws his phone on the bed without answering. He needs to sort his thoughts about Blaine first.

 

What they did tonight was far from pretending. That kiss was not to just sell it to their friends, it was not for show. They have both studied acting, so they both know what a stage kiss is like. A stage kiss is not like that. Kurt hadn’t even remembered they had an audience. Blaine had been all he knew. That was real, that was them, kissing the living daylights out of each other. That kiss wasn’t for anyone else but them. And it was Blaine who started it, who came to dance with Kurt, who moved closer with too vague a warning and planted it on Kurt. That’s the thing Kurt can’t wrap his mind around.

 

His phone chirps again. He doesn’t bother reading the message, only sends back a short _still out_ to get Chandler to stop texting.

 

Blaine knows about Kurt’s crush on him. He can’t possibly think that Kurt is over it, no matter that it’s been years and they haven’t touched the subject since that one time Kurt confessed it. Kurt still remembers it like it was last week.

 

They’d been in a line at campus coffee shop on Valentine’s Day, right after classes. Blaine had been going on and on about how Valentine’s Day is his favorite holiday, planned on asking someone out but not telling his name. Kurt had been crushing hard, analyzing Blaine’s every word, every move. Kurt was sure there was tension between them at times. Blaine touched him a lot, they sang together, and Kurt had been sure, once, that Blaine would kiss him. Well, Blaine didn’t. But in the coffee shop, waiting in line, Blaine had turned to look Kurt in the eye and said, “There’s just something great about a day when you’ve encouraged to say, _I’m in love with you_.” Kurt had been sure it meant something. Blaine looked him right in the eye and said the words _in love_. Blaine had paid both their coffees, brushing off the flustered denial of Kurt’s. Kurt still remembers the rush he felt then. That was like a date, coffee on Valentine’s day. But he had to be sure. They’d found seats in the back, and Kurt had decided to seize the moment.

 

“Blaine… you know, we’re constantly together, and you know my coffee order, and I… I can’t help wondering if I’m the one you’d like to spend tonight with. I… I’d really like that.”

 

Kurt remembers the complete surprise on Blaine’s face, his expressive eyes big and eyebrows high. He also remembers the words Blaine said, and he’s sure he won’t ever forget.

 

“Oh, Kurt. I… I don’t know what to say. You… you know, you’re very important to me. And my past goes to show that I’m not good at relationships. I screw up. And I really don’t want to screw up with you, you know? Can we be friends? Your friendship means the world to me, Kurt.”

 

So Blaine had wanted to ask someone else out. Kurt had swallowed his tears and agreed, forced the coffee down his throat while feeling sick with the sweetness of his mocha. After, he had hurried back to his dorm room to cry in peace, but the next morning he’d gone for breakfast with Blaine. They have been friends, just friends. They’ve been best friends for five years, and all that time, Kurt has been in love with his best friend. He still is, as pathetic as that is. He just can’t get over Blaine no matter how he tries, and where did it take him?

 

He’s pretending to be the boyfriend of the guy of his dreams, and they just kissed, and Kurt is not sure which way is up anymore. Kurt wants to ask Blaine what it all means. What are they now? What does this mean to their friendship? Should they just pretend they were drunker than they actually were, and be fine with it? Kurt doesn’t want to brush it off, but he’s not into forcing Blaine to anything, either.

 

Kurt can’t begin to imagine what Blaine must be thinking.

 

Their friendship is something sacred. Blaine has kept Kurt on his feet for so long. They’ve been through a lot, and Kurt can’t imagine a life without Blaine. But how does Blaine feel? The kiss will complicate things, Kurt’s more cynical side thinks. He’s not sure how they’ll be able to live together if they don’t get some sense into the situation. But how to accomplish that? How can Kurt not make it weird?

 

Blaine opens the door and steps into the room. He’s shirtless, towel on his shoulders, curly hair wet and his bare toes visible from under the legs of his pajama pants. Kurt swallows and turns his eyes quickly away. He can’t face all that skin, warm, soft and inviting. He should be used to how good Blaine looks, but he isn’t. It gets him every time.

 

“The shower’s all yours,” Blaine says, toweling his hair.

 

“Thanks,” Kurt says. His voice, thankfully, comes out normal. They’re normal. Kurt will make it so.

 

“Do you mind if I crash right away? I’m exhausted.”  Blaine sounds and looks it, too.

 

“Yeah, yeah, go ahead,” Kurt agrees even though there’s a bad taste in his mouth. “I’ll try to be quiet when I come back.”

 

It seems like their talk is delayed a little.

 

*

 

Blaine is standing in their living room.

 

“Did you think I would want _you_?” Kurt asks. There’s a sneer on his face. He stands on the doorway, distant and cold.

 

Blaine tries to say something, anything, but his mouth doesn’t work. His lips won’t move. He wants to make excuses, the wants to beg Kurt to stay. He wants to close the distance between them and make Kurt stay. His legs are just as useless as his mouth is, though, so he just stands there and dread slowly fills him, makes tears rise in his eyes.

 

“You’re nothing. Why would I choose you? I can have anyone I want, so why would I love you?” Kurt starts to walk backwards, staring into Blaine, but still walking away. “You don’t deserve me.”

 

Blaine whimpers. He’s unable to reach for Kurt the way he wants to, forced to just look how Kurt slowly makes his way further and further from Blaine. Blaine can’t see properly anymore, there are tears in his eyes, on his face, terror making his head hazy. He’s trembling, he can’t breathe. There’s nothing Blaine can do to make Kurt stay. Blaine feels humiliated in the middle of his pain, why did he even try this, he knew it’d turn sour. He can’t handle this rejection, he just can’t. He’s been rejected before, but Kurt’s is like a bullet to the heart that shatters into tiny pieces on impact.

 

“Kurt!” Blaine manages, and wakes up to his own wailing call.

 

*

 

Kurt can’t sleep. Blaine was out cold when he came back from the shower, so he just settled on his side of the bed.  He has no idea how long he’s been there, lost in thought, when Blaine starts to whimper in his sleep. The noises are absolutely pitiful. Kurt hesitates, not sure if he should wake Blaine up, but the decision is taken from him as Blaine starts to weep, calls out Kurt’s name in a heartbroken voice and opens his eyes.

 

“Hey, hey, Blaine, it’s alright,” Kurt coos. He reaches out and rubs a hand on Blaine’s bare shoulder.

 

Wet eyes meet Kurt’s in the not-quite darkness of the room. “Please don’t leave.”

 

Kurt feels like crying, too, because Blaine looks like a little lost boy. “Oh, honey. I’m not going anywhere. It was a nightmare, I’m right here.”

 

“Don’t hate me,” Blaine begs and fists his hands into Kurt’s sleep shirt.

 

“I could never hate you, Blaine. It was just a nightmare.” It tugs at Kurt’s heartstrings that Blaine has nightmares about Kurt leaving him and hating him. Kurt reaches over and pulls Blaine close, right against his chest, Blaine’s trembling hands squished between their bodies. Kurt smoothes a calm, sure hand down Blaine’s back, again, again, again. Slowly Blaine’s breathing starts to calm down.  
  
Blaine hides his face into Kurt’s collar. His hair tickles Kurt’s chin and nose, and suddenly he seems so tiny, completely tucked into Kurt, as close as he can get. It’s too warm for this in the room, even worse under the covers, but Kurt will not let go even if he boils. He draws big circles into Blaine’s soft skin. Blaine doesn’t clutch into Kurt’s shirt quite that tight anymore.

 

“Wasit?” Blaine mumbles into Kurt’s neck.

 

“Was it what?” Kurt asks gently.

 

“Juss’ a dream. You won’t leave?”

 

“Of course it was a dream, Blaine, I would never ever leave you. You are the most important person in my life.”

 

“You’re my mos’ important, too,” Blaine mumbles, eyes closed. The last word is slow and lazy, and it’s not long until Blaine starts to sniffle in his sleep, turning heavy and lax in Kurt’s arms. Kurt holds on like his life depends on it. He feels vulnerable and touched, knowing how much he means to Blaine. He was the cause of all that terror, all that fear, leaving Blaine in a nightmare.

 

There’s no way Kurt can jeopardize this friendship. He’ll date Chandler, and love Blaine quietly, like he’s used to doing. Maybe their love was never meant to be more than platonic. They need each other, and adding sex to what they have now has a big chance of ruining it all. Kurt has been almost content in their friendship all this time. Maybe it’s time he accepted what he has and stopped yearning for something impossible. The relationship they have is too precious to risk.

 

No, Kurt thinks and pets Blaine’s hair, having this is fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to add that I'm not really a smut writer. I've written maybe five scenes in my life, all really vague. Then I was writing this chapter in university cafe of all places, and wondered how did I end up there.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for kudos (over 200? I was OVER THE MOON when I noticed <3) and comments (I'll get to them hopefully on Sunday).

 

When Blaine wakes up, he’s sharing a pillow with Kurt, their faces only a few inches apart. Their knees are touching under the covers, and Kurt has one arm thrown over Blaine’s side. It feels so good to be close like this, just to share space. Kurt is still asleep, mouth slightly parted. His hair fans over the pillow, and he looks impossibly young. He’s so beautiful Blaine’s breath catches. Blaine closes his eyes, escaping from the view right in front of him. His heart is on overdrive, he’s too close to Kurt but he still wants closer…

 

What has he done to himself, to them? He kissed Kurt last night, and then proceeded to jerk off to thoughts of him in the shower. Blaine can’t ignore it, no matter how much he wants to. It happened. Now they have to deal with it somehow. Kurt doesn’t know about the shower part of the night, but Blaine feels guilty about it. He wants Kurt. It’s new, and at the same time it’s not. He’s always been aware of Kurt’s attractiveness. He’s thought about kissing Kurt – this was not a separate incident. He’s also been vaguely jealous whenever Kurt spent too much time with someone else.

 

Oh, shit.

 

Kurt stirs next to Blaine, smacking his lips together and withdrawing his arm from around Blaine. Blaine stiffens, hopes that Kurt goes back to sleep. He needs more time. He’s not ready to face Kurt so soon after all these revelations. He’s also a bit groggy from the late night. Staying up always affected him, and this time it’s not any different. He’s not hangover, but there’s an awful taste in his mouth despite brushing his teeth last night. His eyes feel swollen, and he’s not quite sure why. As if he’s been crying.

 

“Morning,” Kurt mumbles, opening his eyes.

 

“Morning,” Blaine echoes softly, meeting Kurt’s eyes and then looking away.

 

“How are you feeling?” Kurt asks.

 

 _Shouldn’t I be asking you that_ , Blaine wonders, but doesn’t say it out loud. “I can feel that it was a late night yesterday, but I’m okay. You?” He’s not sure if that’s the whole truth. Is he okay? He needs more time.

 

“I’m good.” Kurt stretches a little, turns on his back and wiggles into the mattress. He looks so soft, and Blaine knows he’s all sleep-warm. Blaine wants to cuddle close into his side, but they have to talk about things before anything like that can happen – if ever.

 

“No more nightmares?” Kurt says, his intonation indicating a question, but Blaine’s not sure what he means.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You didn’t have any more nightmares, did you?”

 

Blaine is puzzled. “No. What do you mean, more?”

 

“You don’t remember?” Kurt sits up and leans on his elbows. There’s a pillow crease low on his cheek, and his hair is sticking up all over the place. He’s adorable. Blaine can’t take his eyes off him.

 

“No,” Blaine says and shakes his head for good measure. He tries to think back, but only remembers hearing the shower run while getting to bed. If there was a nightmare, it’s long gone now, and hasn’t left any trace in his memory about itself.

 

“You woke up crying during the night,” Kurt says.

 

“Oh no.” Blaine is mortified. He can’t remember. “I’m sorry for waking you up like that.”

 

“Hey, none of that now, there’s no need to apologize. You can’t help it if you have a nightmare. I’m just glad I was here to help you calm down.”

 

Blaine closes his eyes. “I’m so embarrassed,” he admits in a small voice.

 

“No need! No harm done. Now, rise and shine, we have a busy day ahead. I’m taking you on a tour around Lima!” Kurt shoves Blaine’s arm gently before turning to sit on the edge of the mattress. Blaine can see the muscles in his back through the thin t-shirt. He shakes his head just a little, ignores the way his heart is dancing nervously in his chest, and gets up.

 

Once acknowledged, these feelings are not giving him a moment’s peace.

 

*

 

Kurt wants to talk about it. He really does. But somehow it’s easier to just go on as if nothing happened. He goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth and do his moisturizing, and Blaine stays behind to get dressed. Kurt looks at himself in the mirror. His hair is sticking up to all directions, there are pillow creases on his face and his shirt is all rumpled from sleep. This is how Blaine saw him first thing, oh lord, that’s not good.

 

It’s not like they haven’t seen each other early in the morning ever before, but somehow this is different now. There’s something between them, and no amount of ignoring it will take it away. Kurt needs to look his best, be in control of his looks at least. He’s not in control of his feelings or wants, so he needs to be able to hold the reins in others things, like his appearance.

 

He’ll talk to Blaine over breakfast, he decides. He’ll steel himself to the let’s be friends conversation. It’s not the first time they’ve had it, so they can have it again with minimal damage. Kurt might want Blaine like crazy, but he’s not ready to endanger their friendship. Blaine’s nightmare only cemented that – they have to be friends, they have to be together. Separation is not an option, no matter how frustrating the situation might be.

 

When Kurt goes downstairs, though, Carole is there, making pancakes. There’s no way Kurt will talk to Blaine in front of an audience. Well, they have all day in the car together and plenty of chances to have it all out. He walks over to Carole and sets his phone on the counter.

 

“Good morning.”

 

“Oh, morning, honey. Did you have a late night?” Carole asks.

 

“Yeah, but not quite as late as it could have been,” Kurt tells her honestly. “There were some idiots at the bar, so we decided to leave.”

 

Carole shakes her head. “That’s too bad.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

*

 

Blaine sits down next to Kurt and smiles to Carole, who is drinking coffee on the other side of the table. He yawns as he takes a pancake on his plate. All he wants is to lean his head on Kurt’s shoulder, just be close again, but he doesn’t dare. Carole would be fine with it, but he’s not sure about Kurt. He’s not sure what to say, how to act, so he starts eating quietly. In the bed, right after waking up, they had been fine. Now Blaine feels weird and awkward and not right in his skin. He can play off being tired if someone wonders about his silence. Kurt is just as quiet. Carole looks between them before asking about their visit to McKinley the day before. Kurt answers, chatters on about nostalgia and singing together.

 

Kurt’s tale is interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Kurt and Carole share a look of raised eyebrows – who could it be? There’s more than a hint of worry there, also, because apparently Burt is at the garage. Blaine munches on his pancake.

 

“I’ll go,” Carole says and gets up, coffee in hand.

 

They hear the door open, and then there’s the unmistakable voice of Rachel Berry in hysterics. Breakfast is forgotten right away, and they hurry to the hall to see what’s going on. They find Carole hugging Rachel, and that surprises Blaine a little, before he remembers Finn. Of course Rachel and Carole are close.

 

“Rachel, what happened?” Kurt asks.

 

“Jesse is an idiot!” Rachel’s upset, her cheeks are red and eyes wet.

 

“What did he do?” Blaine asks. It’s not the first time the power couple of Broadway has fought. They are quite notorious about it, actually. Then they make up and love each other more than anything again, at least for a month or so.

 

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Rachel sniffs. “He’s flying back today, and I am not going to see him before that. I know you guys planned a day in town, do you mind if I tag along?”

 

Kurt pats her arm and looks to Blaine. Blaine can’t begin to guess what that look is supposed to convey. He just shrugs.

 

“Of course you can come with, Rachel,” Kurt says, but there’s regret in his eyes. Maybe he wanted to spend the day alone with Blaine? It’s too much to hope for something like that, Blaine thinks. Way too much, as they are more awkward with each other than they’ve ever been.

 

“Would you like some pancakes, Rachel?” Carole asks.

 

Rachel nods. “Thank you.”

 

They settle back around the table, and Carole brings Rachel a plate. Blaine focuses on eating, letting the others do the talking. He feels too crowded now that Rachel is here as well. With Carole, things had been fine, but now Blaine feels like Rachel expects him to act certain way and he doesn’t know how to do that.

 

Kurt’s phone chirps from the counter behind Blaine. Without thinking he turns and reaches for the device. He glances at the screen automatically, not meaning to pry, but there the name is, for all the world to see. One message from Chandler. Blaine quickly hands the phone over to Kurt.

 

He had all but forgotten about Chandler, the guy from the bar who keeps texting Kurt even though Kurt told him he’d be busy for the rest of the week. They’ve texted nearly every day, and Blaine has tried to be happy for Kurt. Now it’s not worth pretending anymore. He doesn’t want Kurt to get together with Chandler. He wants Kurt all to himself. He swallows down his jealousy as Kurt opens the message and smiles. It’s a tiny smile, but a smile nonetheless. Kurt has a man waiting for him in New York. What was Blaine thinking, considering starting something?

 

“Who is it?” Rachel asks.

 

“Oh, this? Cha… Just, Elliott,” Kurt fumbles, and Blaine bites his lip. Hard. He almost wants to get up and walk away. Or say something, about how Elliott never made Kurt smile like _that_.

 

“What does he want this early?” Rachel muses before taking another bite of her jam covered pancake.

 

“Nothing special. He had an idea for a song, and had to share it right away,” Kurt says, and this time he sounds a lot more believable. He’s good at thinking on his feet, quick to react. Damn, Blaine thinks. He’s not sure about anything; what if all he’s been thinking about is just part of the acting Kurt is putting into their fake relationship?  

 

*

 

After breakfast, they pile into the car. Rachel claims the back seat with a wink that Kurt steadfastly ignores, and Blaine rides next to Kurt. Kurt puts some show tunes on before leaving the driveway and heading towards the town center. There’s a moment of silence, and Kurt doesn’t know how to break it. He keeps looking at the street, aware of Blaine sitting right next to him, so close and so far.

 

He’s not sure how he feels about Rachel being with them. On one hand, he can’t talk to Blaine about the kiss, but on another, she’s a good buffer. A part of Kurt is relieved to delay the inevitable conversation, but it might be easier to just rip off the band-aid here and now. The longer he has to wait, the weirder it becomes.

 

“I thought that we could go by the garage first?” Kurt asks his passengers.

 

“Absolutely! Blaine has to see the place,” Rachel says. “What else have you planned?”

 

“Just driving around at first, I guess. Then the mall for lunch. Is that fine with you?” Kurt asks, knowing that she likes her opinion being asked. He’ll do anything to distract her from the weird air hanging between himself and Blaine.

 

“Yes, of course! After the mall we can go get some last-minute groceries for tonight,” Rachel says, effortlessly merging her plan into Kurt’s without bothering to ask if it’s fine with anyone else. Kurt rolls his eyes and shares a look with Blaine, who just inclines his head in response. Then they realize simultaneously that they are holding an eye contact, and break it immediately, like it’s somehow wrong. Like they weren’t the best friends they are, but strangers who suddenly notice sharing something with a person they don’t know.

 

Kurt hates it. He hates that he feels in any way awkward around Blaine. They’ve never been awkward, on the contrary, they were friends from the first word exchanged. Their friendship was fast and natural and they haven’t even really fought, ever. Now everything is messed up, and Kurt’s not sure how to start cleaning up.

 

“You two left in a hurry last night,” Rachel chooses to say, and Kurt could strangle her.

 

“Yeah. We didn’t want to make any more of a scene,” Blaine answers. His voice is calm, but Kurt can see from the corner of his eye that Blaine’s face is tense.

 

“Exactly,” Kurt backs him up. “You know just as well as I do how homophobic Lima is.”

 

“Puck talked them down, you know? It would have been fine for you to stay, if that really was the reason you left.” Kurt doesn’t like the suggestive tone of her last words.

 

“Maybe the guys only backed off because we left,” Kurt says, not hiding his annoyance at her poking.

 

“Can we… talk about something else, please?” Blaine asks.

 

“Of course. Rachel, why did Jesse leave?” Kurt sends a glare to Rachel through the rearview mirror. Now she’s really made Blaine uneasy, and that’s not okay.

 

Rachel shuts her mouth tightly and shakes her head.

 

 

They park on the employee lot behind Hummel Tires and Lube and Kurt leads them in. The door is just as heavy as it always was. Kurt remembers being small and unable to get it open. Now it’s a lot easier. The smells assault him as he opens a door and steps inside. It’s mostly motor oil, but also a mix of several, very unnatural smells. There’s also noise, pounding and clinking, men talking to each other in loud voices, and a pitiful attempt from a radio to be heard over it all. The concrete floor is dirty, and one of the lights is flickering out every now and then in the far corner.

 

Kurt hasn’t been here in a long while. Maybe he should visit this place, too, when he next comes to Lima. He spreads his hands and welcomes his friends. “So, this is it – my dad’s pride and glory.”

 

“It looks nice,” Blaine comments, ever the gentleman.

 

Kurt leads them quickly around for a small tour. He greets the men working there; he hasn’t been gone that long, after all. Back when he used to come over to earn money for his clothes, most of the guys ignored him. Now they are greeting him back and asking how he’s doing. Kurt just smiles and tells them he’s fine. Rachel gets some attention, as well. She often came to the garage to see Finn, and she is rather unforgettable, be that in good or bad sense.

 

When Kurt’s dad hears the commotion, he emerges from the office with a beaming smile.

 

“Hey! I’m so happy you decided to drop by. Want some coffee?”

 

“No, dad,” Kurt says and makes a face, “unless you’ve bought a new coffee machine.”

 

Burt just shakes his head. “Sorry, kiddo. There are more important costs, and no one else complains about the coffee but you.” Then he turns a little to gesture to Tom, one of the mechanics, to come over.

 

“Did you meet my son’s boyfriend, Blaine Anderson? He’s a composer!”

 

Kurt feels himself flushing with the words. His dad’s tone is so happy and proud that he feels a little sick. Blaine glances at him, cautious. Kurt manages a smile and takes Blaine’s hand to tug him close. Soon all the four guys working there come over to talk to Blaine. Kurt fidgets a little. He knows that some of these very men found him a bit too much to handle, but now they are there with smiles on their faces.

 

Blaine is noticeably uncomfortable, he’s holding on to Kurt’s fingers a bit too tight and his smile is polite but distant. Rachel is giving Kurt odd looks the longer they stay, so Kurt decides to take their little tour back on the road.

 

“Okay, everyone, we have a schedule to keep. It was nice seeing you!”

 

He practically pulls Blaine with him, and herds Rachel ahead. He ignores the confused looks Rachel keeps throwing at him over her shoulder. He needs to get out, he needs to breathe. His dad’s happy words keep ringing in his ears. _My son’s boyfriend._ As if Blaine is the best thing Burt’s ever seen. It hurts, because no matter how Kurt wants it to be true, it’s all just playing pretend. It’s something Kurt wants so desperately that he’s ready to fake it, just to get a little taste. He’s deceived people into believing it.

 

Suddenly, he can’t wait for Sunday and their return to New York, to normal. If there is normal after this.

 

They get back into the car and Kurt drives around, pointing at places to Blaine. Lima in summer is almost charming, like the nice weather manages to erase some of its numerous flaws. People seem happier, not as hostile towards others. There are pools and ice cream trucks and picnics in parks. Kurt and Rachel tell Blaine about the places they pass. That little shop there, that’s where they sold the nicest shoes, and in that street corner Sam fell over with his bike so that he needed stitches. Blaine is more subdued than usual, politely commenting every now and then, but not really participating. Kurt needs to know what he’s thinking, but he can’t ask, not with Rachel in the car. He knows Rachel’s noticed that something’s off. He dreads the moment she’ll demand an explanation.

 

That moment comes once they’ve parked and are stepping into the mall. Rachel says that she absolutely needs a hat to shield her from the sun, and then tells Blaine to go wait for them by the food court. Kurt only has time to give Blaine a helpless look before Rachel drags him into the closest clothing store. Kurt doesn’t even know if they sell hats there. He has no choice but to follow Rachel, though. She stops next to a rack of awful t-shirts in neon colors. Kurt eyes them in horror.

 

“Kurt, what is going on?” Rachel hasn’t let go of his arm yet, and her hold is too tight. Kurt rips his arm back.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“Don’t do that. I’m not blind, you’re both acting weird. Talk.”

 

Kurt bites his lip. He kind of does want to talk about it to someone, even though he can’t tell everything. He looks away from Rachel’s big brown eyes. “We… had a situation last night.”

 

“Trouble in paradise already?”

 

“Like you’re the one to talk. Where is Jesse again?”

 

“You have to solve it, Kurt. I don’t want any weirdness in our reunion! That’s part of the reason why Jesse left. I don’t want to spend tonight fighting, and I’m not letting you and Blaine fight either.”

 

“We are not fighting,” Kurt insists and regrets it right away. He can almost see his sham falling apart.

 

Rachel only snorts. “Yeah, right. Come on, let’s go eat.”

 

Eating ends up taking a lot of time, because there’s a long line. The conversation over their meal is stilted, and Kurt doesn’t know how to put things back the way they’re supposed to be. This thing between him and Blaine is getting more and more awkward, and he can’t deal with it. They need to talk it out before Rachel’s party.

 

But then, grocery shopping takes another eternity. Kurt had thought Rachel had already bought most of the food and drinks, but he must have been gravely mistaken. He and Blaine end up carrying the bags inside for her and even help her unload it all before they can head to Kurt’s parents’ to shower, change their clothes and regroup.

 

And by then, there really is no time for a serious conversation unless they plan on having it in the shower.

 


	13. Chapter 13

 

Blaine wriggles himself into tight, red jeans and ponders.

 

He’s been at it all day, really. The day has been weird and he knows he’s part of the reason for that. He just needed some time to get things on track in his head. He needed some time for the thoughts and feelings to turn real, and he knows the others saw how distracted and quiet he was. He just had to wrap his head around something he should have realized a long time ago.

 

He’s in love with Kurt.

 

It’s clear as day, now, and Blaine feels like an utter fool for thinking they were only friends. They’ve been more since the start. He’s always wanted to be close to Kurt. They clicked as if it was fate. He was supposed to meet Kurt, and become his best friend, and he really should have realized years ago that he loves Kurt. Loves him in all meanings of that word – not only platonically, but deeply and completely. He wants Kurt, he needs Kurt. He’s sorry it took him this long to pull his head out of his ass, but he’s finally here, and he is going to do something about it. He will not think about Chandler. Kurt has been giving him hints all week long, and Blaine won’t shy away anymore.

 

They have no time right now, though. Kurt is in the shower, Blaine is getting dressed, and Rachel’s party starts in half an hour. Blaine has no time for the elaborate and thoughtful speech Kurt deserves, the speech Blaine wants to make. He needs to convince Kurt that they, as a couple, are worth a shot. It could be a beginning of something beautiful. Blaine can already see them deciding to explore these feelings together, see where the road of life takes them. He pulls a black t-shirt over his head and makes a decision.

 

Tonight, he will woo Kurt. He will be the best boyfriend there is, forget that it’s meant to be fake. He will reawaken the crush Kurt used to have on him. He won’t second guess a word or a touch, he’ll just take what he can. He will love Kurt, right in front of everybody, and after, he’ll give Kurt the declaration. He will sweep Kurt off his feet.

 

*

 

It’s like someone pushed a switch button on Blaine when Kurt emerges from the bathroom, dressed to kill and ready to go. The silent, thoughtful Blaine has disappeared, and this one right here is like someone else entirely. Blaine gives him a wide smile and an appreciative once-over that has Kurt feeling a little hot. Blaine’s eyes are like liquid honey as they travel down Kurt’s purple button-down covered chest and black jeans, tight as ever. Blaine looks awesome in his red pants and black shirt, his hair a carefully styled mess that Kurt wishes to bury his hands in.

 

“You look amazing, Kurt.” Blaine’s voice curls around Kurt’s name, warm like a caress. “Shall we?”

 

Kurt nods, unable to react under his best friend’s eyes. There’s a new kind of tension in the air, making him jittery inside. It’s not awkward or tentative, now. It’s almost like anticipation, the good kind of restless that Kurt can almost taste.

 

The drive to Rachel’s is torture. Kurt can feel Blaine’s attention, unwavering, even though Blaine chats idly about the weather and their day. The words are meaningless. Kurt ends up mostly listening to the deep tone of Blaine’s voice, not the things he says. Kurt is on edge but at the same time this is the most comfortable he’s ever been. It’s an odd dichotomy.

 

There are three rental cars parked on the street next to Rachel’s dads’ house. Kurt parks behind a gray Volvo and looks at Blaine.

 

“Ready?”

 

“More than ever. Let’s go.” Blaine gives him a stunning smile before getting out of the car.

 

Kurt doesn’t feel as sure as Blaine apparently does. He takes a deep breath before opening his door and following Blaine to the front door of the house. It’s all going to be fine, he tells himself as they climb the stairs to the small porch. Blaine rings the doorbell and takes Kurt’s hand.

 

“We’re okay, Kurt. Let’s just enjoy tonight, yeah?”

 

Kurt nods and smiles. Some of the weight is lifted from his shoulders. They are okay. Blaine is up to something, that much is clear, but Kurt is happy to follow this once. He can’t wait to see what Blaine has planned.

 

Rachel opens the door in a tiny, red dress. She’s smiling widely, and it’s clear that they’ve started with the alcohol already, before dinner.

 

“Welcome! Come in, come in!”

 

They get inside and follow Rachel to the dining room. Kurt spots Santana by the windows, and knows who to blame for drunken Rachel. Brittany is sitting at the table with Quinn and Josh, talking a mile a minute. Quinn is laughing, but Josh looks a little confused. Mike and Tina are sitting opposite of the three, talking together, Mike’s arm casually around Tina’s shoulders. 

 

“Dinner is done, we’re just waiting for everyone to arrive,” Rachel explains to Kurt and Blaine.

 

Kurt returns her smile, but shares a look with Blaine. She’ll only drink more as the night progresses, and that might not have good consequences. The night could turn into a disaster, because Rachel is a clingy, cuddly drunk who needs someone to hang onto. Jesse is not here, and Kurt can’t even begin to imagine who might be the unlucky one to have Rachel on their arm.

 

Before long everyone arrives. Puck comes at the same time with Artie and Minnie, Sam and Mercedes following not long after. Rachel serves dinner, and luckily not everything is vegan. Kurt can appreciate well made vegan food, but he also needs his meat. There’s a large green salad, chicken breast, falafels and rice with delicious gravy and soft bread. Puck pops open a bottle of wine.

 

“Pass me the salad, love?” Blaine says, and Kurt flushes at the endearment. Love is a new one. He gives the bowl to Blaine, and Blaine takes it, making sure his fingers settle on top of Kurt’s. Kurt gives him a wide-eyed look that Blaine returns, and there’s some heat in his gaze.

 

Let’s just enjoy tonight.

 

Kurt lowers his lashes, flirts back. He will enjoy tonight, fine. And first thing tomorrow he’s asking Chandler out to leave this damned charade behind. Right now, everyone thinks Blaine is his, and he will use that to his advantage.

 

“Hey, lovebirds, would you stop eye-fucking for a second? Some of us want to eat,” Santana complains.  

 

“You can always look in the other direction, Santana,” Kurt says without turning his gaze from Blaine.

 

*

 

The dinner is a nice affair despite Rachel’s too loud laughter and Santana’s biting remarks. Food seems to calm them both down, and Santana even smiles when Brittany presses a kiss on her lips at one point. Blaine speaks with Artie and Sam, but checks in with Kurt every once in a while – asks him something, touches his arm or leg, little things. Just to remind Kurt that’s he’s there, that they’re here together. Kurt gives him small smiles in return, and once even initiates contact by physically pulling Blaine into his and Mercedes’ conversation. It’s nice. It’s surprisingly effortless. Blaine hopes it could continue to any and all dinners with friends they’ll have in the future.

 

Once everyone has eaten, Rachel leads them to the basement with a spring to her step. There really is a stage there, complete with microphone stands. On the other side of the room, there’s a counter that’s packed with alcohol and snacks. There’s even a small dance floor in front of the stage. The place might look tasteful with its exposed brick walls and white liquor cabinet behind the counter, but mostly the setting reminds Blaine of college parties at someone’s house, of the drunken shenanigans that come back to mind after a hangover. He decides not to go overboard with the drinking tonight. He’s a small guy, and before he learned his limits, there were several over-the-top nights that are still completely empty in his memory. Besides, he’s here for Kurt.

 

Santana makes a beeline for the alcohol and announces in a loud voice that she’s preparing drinks for everyone. Brittany follows on her heels, demanding strawberries in hers.

 

“So, this is the place, then?” Blaine asks Kurt.

 

“Yup, the one and only. I feel like I’ve gone back in time,” Kurt says, shaking his head as he watches the others spread around the room.

 

Minnie is sitting in Artie’s lap, which seems to be her usual place by now. Tina and Mercedes are conquering the couch. Rachel is setting up the speakers with Mike by her side, helping. Quinn and Josh sit on the other couch, Puck standing next to them. Blaine tries to imagine them all here, high school age. Kurt has shown him some pictures. It’s kind of amazing that this group still keeps in touch.

 

“Here you go, Hobbit,” Santana says and practically shoves a plastic cup into Blaine’s hand.

 

“And one for Porcelain, too,” she continues, giving a similar cup to Kurt as well before sauntering back to the counter.

 

Kurt sniffs at his drink. “Okay, this probably contains so much alcohol that I’ll spend the whole night drinking it.”

 

Blaine takes a sip of his own, mysteriously green drink, and makes a face at the taste. The drink is strong, the burn of vodka lingering in his mouth. He thinks the rest of the drink is pear juice that he remembers getting from the store earlier that day. Santana seems to have her very own recipe for mixing drinks, and Blaine won’t need another if he wants to keep his head even somewhat clear. He doesn’t mind getting a little loose, but he doesn’t want to be black-out drunk.

 

“Let’s go sit,” Kurt suggests and heads right over to the couch where Tina and Mercedes have received their drinks and are now sipping them with suspicious expressions. Blaine follows him a little slower, a plan already forming as he looks at the couch. It’s not a large one, and Tina is taking a lot of space with her legs on the couch considering how small she is. Kurt sits down next to Mercedes and says something, Blaine can’t make out what, because right then Rachel gets the speakers to work and music starts.

 

Mercedes is laughing, and Kurt joins her. He’s stunning, cheeks a little flushed because the basement is already rather warm, and probably the alcohol, too. His eyes are sparkling. Blaine takes another sip from his cup before walking over and plopping gracelessly down on Kurt’s lap.

 

“Oof,” Kurt complains, but there’s a smile on his face.

 

“There’s no space,” Blaine says, gesturing towards the girls.

 

“I could move over, but you seem so cozy there that I can’t bother,” Tina tells them.

 

Kurt’s arm circles around Blaine’s waist, and Blaine leans into it. Yeah, he’ll be pretty comfortable right here, and Kurt doesn’t seem to mind, either, because he’s holding on to Blaine. It’s nice, being close, and Kurt’s cologne smells amazing.

 

“What are you talking about?” Blaine asks then.

 

“Oh, Mercedes was having a throwback moment to a high school party we had here,” Kurt says and drinks. “We were, what, juniors at the time?”

 

“Yeah,” Mercedes says. “It was crazy, we were just kids.”

 

“Rachel’s parents were out of town and left her alone here,” Tina says. “The usual story. At first Rachel insisted on no alcohol, but well.”

 

“The party was pretty much the most boring thing any of us had ever attended. Then we convinced her to let Puck get into her dads’ liquor cabinet,” Mercedes takes her turn.

 

“I was a designated driver, so I stayed sober, as did Finn. It… was an experience to look at all these people get hammered,” Kurt says and leans his head into Blaine’s shoulder. “I’m really glad I didn’t drink, though.”

 

“As you should be!” Mercedes exclaims. “I had a two-day hangover. School was such a pain on Monday. And I still can’t remember all of the party.”

 

“I remember you and Tina cackling your heads off because Sam did an impression that wasn’t even good,” Kurt helpfully tells her. “Like, you were practically on top of one another and laughed for twenty minutes straight.”

 

“Oh, those were the times,” Tina says, playing up the wistfulness and ruins it by cracking up.

 

“Who goes first?” Rachel screams into the microphone. When no one answers right away, she proceeds to press something on her phone, and music changes. She takes the stage, starting in true Rachel fashion with _Don’t Rain On My Parade_.

 

“Some things never change,” Mercedes mumbles to Kurt, just loud enough for Blaine to hear, too, because he’s so close.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to split this chapter in two, because otherwise there'd have been a monster chapter. Maybe that's why, for me, this chapter seems to lack something - I hope it doesn't feel that way while reading.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, my many thanks for every comment and kudos! 
> 
> I feel like I've only been home to sleep this week, and I'm so glad it's the weekend now. Maybe it's good, because I would have edited this chapter to death if I had had a moment. Now it just has to be good enough as it is.

 

Time passes in a blur of singing, dancing and drinking, though Kurt keeps the drinking in check. He did finish the drink Santana gave him, and – against what he said to Blaine – made himself another one. Much less strong this time, though. He doesn’t want to lose himself. At some point Blaine wandered off to talk with Sam and Artie, leaving Kurt with a kiss on the cheek. The gesture had Kurt flushing and smiling, and Mercedes and Tina cooed loudly at him.

 

Now Kurt’s been cornered by Santana. She’s glassy-eyed, her movements slow and measured, her voice rough. She keeps sneaking looks at Brittany, god, her fiancée, while she talks to Kurt. Kurt can’t quite remember how he got here, but he’s sure he should run soon.

 

“Okay, truth time, Hummel.”

 

“Can I say no to that?”

 

“No. You need to tell autie Tana everything about that delicious little man of yours. He’s got some moves.” Santana eyes Blaine, who dances with Tina, while Mercedes is singing.

 

“Yeah, he does.” With that, Kurt won’t ever argue. Blaine knows how to dance. He has this adorable maneuver of spinning around and lifting his hands high. Sometimes Kurt wonders how he doesn’t get dizzy.

 

“He got the moves in bedroom, too?”

 

“Santana, that _is_ too much, I’m not talking about it with you,” Kurt shakes his head, and whoops, bad idea, because the room starts spinning. He might have had more to drink than he wanted to have. He also doesn’t want to have this conversation, he doesn’t want to see the images Santana is giving him by talking about this.

 

Santana gives him a long, slow look. “I bet he’s loud. Is he? I might be in a loving relationship, but I still like to fantasize. That power-bottom of yours is dreamy.”

 

“Okay. No.” Kurt turns around and flees to Quinn, deciding that she must be safe. She can’t drink, so she’s the most likely to be civil.

 

Santana’s words keep ringing in his head, though. _That power-bottom of yours_. Oh, lord, Kurt needs to get the images out of his mind somehow, but he just can’t. He hates stereotyping people. He tries to keep it to minimum himself, and he’s long ago learned to ignore and repress every thought of that kind about Blaine. He hates that people give gay guys these roles that they try to fit them into, but. Santana is really perceptive, no matter how evil she is about it. She just knows things somehow, just like she knew with Karofsky. And Kurt really does not need anything to make Blaine seem even more appealing.

 

It might be too late already, because he can’t help but think of Blaine, legs in the air, vocal and demanding as Kurt sets the pace, teases him until he’s hoarse. Damn Santana and her dirty mind, damn her too-keen eyes.

 

Now Blaine has given up dancing and is standing with Puck by the counter in his too-tight red jeans. Kurt’s eyes zero in on his ass. Blaine certainly has one to be envious about, round and downright squeezable. Then Blaine turns to look over his shoulder, and catches Kurt. Kurt hides behind his half-empty cup and swallows. Their eyes lock, and there’s heat there. Kurt’s sure Blaine has never looked at him like that before. Puck slams him on the shoulder and says something, and then Blaine is making his way over to Kurt. Kurt bites his lip. He has no idea what to say, what to do. Blaine just caught him ogling.

 

But there’s a smile on Blaine’s face, and when he reaches Kurt, he settles into Kurt’s personal space, chests almost touching.

 

“Did you miss me?” Blaine asks, his voice low and eyes dark.

 

And okay, if that’s how they’re playing, maybe Kurt can play along. Kurt knows there are at least three people in this room who have imagined what their sex life is like (excluding himself; that’s Santana, Tina and Puck). That means he’s free to do whatever, as long as Blaine doesn’t look uncomfortable. For these people, Blaine is his. This is their night, and Kurt will take full advantage.

 

“Let’s sing,” Kurt breathes into the tiny gap between them.

 

“Of course. Suggestions?”

 

Kurt looks away, thinks for a second, and then it clicks. They’ve sung the song before, and every other time it has left Kurt aching with loneliness and longing. Blaine has sung it staring into his eyes without seeing the truth there. Tonight, Kurt is reckless and ready, and he wants.

 

“Somebody Loves You.”

 

*

 

Kurt is sending some serious signals. Blaine feels hot and exhilarated, a little loose and happy after his drink. The amount of alcohol is enough for him to stop caring so much and just let go, but not too much. He’s in control of his actions. And he’s going to sing with Kurt, sing a song that they’ve sang together many times, but now it has a completely new meaning.

 

Kurt talks to Rachel quickly before they get on the stage and share a look. There’s heat in Kurt’s eyes, but the smile on his lips is more fond than anything. Then Kurt turns and waves his hand to Rachel, who puts the music on.

 

Blaine doesn’t even try to look at anything or anyone else but Kurt when he starts singing.

 

 _Who’s around when the days feel long_  
Who’s around when you can’t be strong  
Who’s around when you’re losing your mind

He stares at Kurt, who dances in place, a slight smile playing on his lips. Then Kurt picks up the song and Blaine falls silent. Blaine knows there’s a goofy smile on his face, but damn, he loves Kurt. He loves Kurt, he wants Kurt, he has been so stupid to not see it sooner. It doesn’t matter anymore, though, because they are here now, and the lyrics are even more fitting than ever before.

 

 _Who cares that you get home safe_  
Who knows you can’t be replaced  
Who thinks that you’re one of a kind

At the last words Kurt finally turns to look at Blaine. There’s a teasing lilt to his smile, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and Blaine is so gone as they get into the chorus together, singing it to each other. Blaine beams at Kurt, sings to him, meaning everything the song says and more. They sing the second verse, and Blaine has to wonder – the lyrics have always felt like him and Kurt, but he just hasn’t put two and two together.

 

And then, Kurt takes it up a notch.

 

 _“Why don’t you come on over_ ,” he sings, beckons Blaine to come closer with a finger, and they sing the next line together,

 

_Why don’t you lay me down_

The question is too on point. That’s what Blaine wants. He wants Kurt to lay him down, and

 

_If I am good to you_

_Won’t you be good to me_

They’d be so good to each other, Kurt can’t even imagine how good Blaine would be for him. They lean closer, singing the last chorus into one mic, into each others’ mouths.

 

_That’s how easy this should be._

 

And it is – they are two people who are dear to each other, it’s supposed to be the easiest thing in the world. There’s no reason to be scared of this. They already love each other, they’re only one small step away from being in love with each other, from it all being perfect.

 

The last _ooh somebody loves you_ has barely faded into nothing when Blaine reaches up and pulls Kurt into a deep kiss by his neck.

 

The kiss is everything. It’s new, but somehow familiar, Kurt’s lips soft and sure as they move against Blaine’s. Blaine’s blood is singing in his veins, and he never wants to let this go. Kurt is kissing back, sucking on his upper lip. Blaine melts into the kiss, holding on to Kurt for dear life.

 

A loud cat-call probably from Santana gets them to separate, but Kurt gives Blaine a look full of promise. It makes Blaine shiver, and he knows his eyes are huge as he stares at Kurt, beautiful, stunning Kurt, who is right there under his fingertips. He can’t help stealing a short kiss before they leave the stage and Brittany climbs on. Kurt’s hand lingers on Blaine’s lower back, a warm weight against Blaine’s thin shirt.

 

“That was some performance!” Rachel screeches next to them, and Blaine sees Kurt cringe at her loud voice.

 

“Yeah, yeah, as if you’ve never seen us sing together before,” Kurt says.

 

“Never like that, wow,” Rachel says and fans herself.

 

“Rachel, we’ve had a great time, but I think it’s time for me and Blaine to go,” Kurt says, and presses his hand into Blaine’s back. “I’m calling us a cab.”

 

“Oh, already?” Rachel looks between them. Then her eyes turn really, really wide. “Oooooh, okay, yeah, of course. Thank you for being here.”

 

“It was fun,” Blaine says and smiles, but he knows it’s a little off. His heart is hammering, arousal thrumming inside him. His tight jeans feel more constricting than they did a while ago. He leans into Kurt, shoulder digging to arm. The need to be close is overwhelming.

 

Rachel gives them a suggestive smile before turning away and going to talk to Puck. Kurt leans close to Blaine’s ear.

 

“I’m taking you home, Blaine,” he breathes, and Blaine can feel the words on his skin.

 

They say their goodnights as fast as possible. Mercedes winks at Kurt as Sam gives Blaine a not-so-discreet thumbs up. Kurt pulls Blaine away before they come face to face with Santana or Puck, clearly not wanting to hear what they might have to say.

 

Blaine tunes out the suggestive comments and catcalls that follow in their wake as they leave the basement. Everyone knows what they’re up to, and there’s really no denying it. He doesn’t care. Kurt is here, Kurt is his, and this feels huge. He can barely breathe with it all, he’s excited and hot and restless, he needs Kurt. They are actually doing this.

 

They wait by Kurt’s car that he’ll come back to pick up the next morning. They stand there, side by side, constantly touching, but they don’t talk. Blaine closes his eyes and listens to the quiet stillness of the summer night, faint echo of music trickling into his ears from Rachel’s house. It’s still warm out, and on top of that, Kurt feels like a furnace by Blaine’s side. He’s hot and right there, presence that can’t be ignored. Blaine feels like flying. He’s free somehow, he’s finally let himself feel everything he’s suppressed for so long. He’s finally here, with Kurt, for real. Not as just friends, not as best friends, not as roommates with their lives too entwined to tell apart. He’s here, because Kurt is taking him home, and the mere euphemism makes Blaine giddy. Kurt is taking him home, and that means a lot of things.

 

Most of all, it’s a beginning of something beautiful.

 

*

 

It’ll be the perfect ending, Kurt thinks as he stares at Blaine’s profile. It will be over after this, they are going back to New York and back to their lives, and Chandler is waiting for Kurt there. But the possibility of this is the reason why Kurt agreed to the whole ruse. He can have Blaine, if only for a short while. Tonight, he’ll make the most of it.

 

The taxi arrives and they slide on the backseat, side by side, and Kurt gives the driver the address. Blaine grabs his hand. Their hold is slightly sweaty, but perfect in every way. Kurt looks at Blaine, letting the love shine through, and it’s almost like the same feeling is radiating from Blaine’s big, dark eyes as their gazes lock and hold. Kurt lets himself believe. He decides to forget how much he’s drunk, he decides it’s better that he doesn’t know how much Blaine has drunk. Tonight he lives in the moment, and does not care. Tonight is theirs, and Kurt won’t let ugly thoughts ruin it. He caresses the back of Blaine’s hand with his thumb, the skin soft under his touch. Blaine smiles, and the smile takes Kurt’s breath away. Blaine leans closer, closes the gap between them, raises his free hand on Kurt’s cheek and presses their lips together.

 

This kiss is so different from the other two they’ve shared this week. It’s the only one they’ve had while alone, but that’s not the biggest difference. This one is still hungry, but at the same time it’s almost reverent. Blaine kisses Kurt like Kurt is something precious, softly but with intent. It makes Kurt tremble.

 

“I need you,” he whispers into Blaine’s mouth, and he aches with how much he means it.

 

“You have me,” Blaine answers, and then pulls away with a soft peck, leaving Kurt gasping for breath.

 

It feels so real, like this is actually happening, like this isn’t some crazy drunken thing. Kurt’s hands are shaking, and he’s afraid to open his eyes. He wants it too much, so much that he doesn’t know what to do with himself.

 

The taxi pulls to a stop in front of Kurt’s house. Kurt pays and hurries out of the car, pulling Blaine with him by the hand. This needs to happen, now. He fumbles the keys out of his pocket and opens the door, making sure it doesn’t slam once they’re inside. The house is dark and silent, Kurt knows everybody is asleep. He holds on to Blaine’s hand tightly as they ascend the stairs.

 

He only lets Blaine kiss him once they’re safe in his room, behind a closed door, a streetlight from the window illuminating most of the space. Only now Kurt lets go completely, forgets about the world and everyone in it – he pulls Blaine closer, chest to chest, hips to hips, and they both gasp when their erections fit together through layers of clothing. The heat is sizzling between them, and Kurt’s hands just won’t stop shaking as he tugs on Blaine’s shirt to get at his heated skin. They attack each other, removing clothes and grasping at skin. Blaine feels so good under Kurt’s fingertips, soft, hot skin over muscle, a small scar by his hip, the curly hair on his chest. They pull back a little to get rid of their pants, and Kurt accidentally scratches a long red line down his own thigh in his hurry to be free from his jeans. Blaine backs away, sits down on the edge of the bed to remove his socks, and once Kurt can see all of his toes, he jumps.

 

He pushes Blaine down and settles on top of him, tired of waiting any longer. Blaine’s gasp is loud in his ears, then Blaine’s wide hands are all over him, stroking down his back, stopping on his ass to squeeze and knead. Kurt whimpers, kisses Blaine’s eyebrow, cheek, mouth, and grinds into Blaine a couple of times before rolling them over. He wants Blaine’s weight on him, pressing him into the mattress – he needs every possible way to remind him that this is real.

 

Blaine puts his forearms on both sides of Kurt’s head, enclosing him in, and Kurt is more than happy with the development. Blaine is everywhere, around him, on top of him, his smell making Kurt dizzy with want. He pushes his hips up and Blaine pushes back, biting his lip, clearly trying to keep quiet. Small sounds still escape from his mouth as they settle into a frantic rhythm, neither able to concentrate on finesse as they stare into each other’s eyes, into each other’s souls. Kurt is aware of the helpless sounds he’s making, but he just can’t give a damn. Blaine feels so good against him, alive and impossible, but he’s there. It’s sinfully good, too good to comprehend, and Kurt spreads his legs more to get closer, lifts one up around Blaine’s waist. The friction is delicious, Kurt bites into his lip, stares into Blaine as he pants above him. They’re sweaty, Kurt’s already leaking, they will be a complete mess once this is over -

 

Kurt never wants this to be over.

 

He lets out a sound that’s closer to s sob than anything else, wraps his arms around Blaine and pulls him as close as they can be. This is it, after this it will be over. He buries his nose into Blaine’s hair, presses his fingertips hard into Blaine’s back. He wants Blaine even closer, so close that they fuse together, under the other’s skin, so that they stay there forever. He can feel Blaine’s heartbeat against his, and it feels like home, like belonging.

 

Blaine adjusts his weight and reaches a hand down between them, wraps his musician’s clever fingers around their cocks. Kurt’s breath hitches, and he moans low into Blaine’s ear. The nearly dry friction is almost too much to handle.

 

“Oh, oh, please, Blaine…” he doesn’t even know what he’s begging for. _Please, stay. Please, want this tomorrow._

 

“Yes, yes, yes,” Blaine grunts and picks up his pace, jerks them harder, faster, the drag painful in how good it is.

 

“Please.” _Please love me._

 

Blaine twists his wrist, grinds his hips into Kurt’s. That’s all it takes. Kurt falls from the edge, Blaine following him right after.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is criminally short, but it's kind of heavy, so I decided to leave it as is. The rest will be longer.
> 
> Again, thank you for commenting and leaving kudos <3

 

After a party, there’s always a cleanup.

 

Kurt remembers one party and the cleaning up after especially well. He and Blaine had just moved into their apartment. The house-warming party had been a success, Kurt’s friends had been there, Blaine’s friends had been there. The party had been fun and one of the best Kurt’s ever hosted or been to, but the cleanup had been a different story altogether. Kurt still has nightmares about the amount of dishes and trash littering every surface. Rachel had hooked up with David, one of Blaine’s friends, which resulted in a week-long drama with the girl who had been David’s absolutely no strings attached kind of friend. Elliott had passed out in the bathroom sometime in the night, and Kurt still shudders when he remembers the amount of puke in there. Poor Elliott had been in an awful shape. Kurt himself had nursed a massive hangover all day, and cleaning up vomit while trying to keep your own stomach in is not an experience he wants to repeat any time soon.

 

Still, it was preferable to this. He would prefer washing away vomit to the mess inside his head. He does not cry as he sets his phone back on the nightstand and collects his clothes. He does not spare one glance at Blaine, sleeping blissfully ignorant on his side, face buried into the pillow they shared. If he looks at Blaine, he won’t be able to handle his emotions – they will overflow if he lets himself see Blaine in the morning light, calm and so, so tempting but never Kurt’s. Kurt sneaks across the hallway into the bathroom, closes and locks the door and stares himself in the mirror. His hair is a mess, there’s an angry red line down his thigh where he _fucking scratched himself_ , and his head feels heavy. It’s not quite a headache, but it’s heading there. And the worst of it all, there’s the dried mess on his belly, the mess of him and Blaine. That’s the thing that finally breaks him, tears flooding from his eyes. He sits heavily down on the toilet seat and hides his face in his hands. For a moment, he just cries silently, listening to his own hitching breaths. Why must life be so unfair?

 

Yeah, this is the worst after party cleanup in Kurt’s life. The only bit of luck is that his dad didn’t come up the stairs just as he was hurrying into the bathroom. Kurt’s walk of shame might have been the shortest in existence, but it felt terrible all the same.

 

Physically he feels awesome, if you don’t count the slight headache. It’s been so long since he’s had sex with anyone that he’s almost forgotten how nice his body feels after. His mind is another matter.

 

Last night, he had sex with the man he loves, and now his heart is breaking, because this can’t happen. They were both drunk and got a little too into their pretend relationship. Blaine’s never been into Kurt before – it was just the closeness and the stupid charade messing with his head and now Kurt has no idea how to face him. He doesn’t look into the mirror anymore as he sniffles, gets up and steps into the shower. He can’t look at his own image right now, he can’t handle it. He allowed the worst possible thing to happen. In the moment, he’d wanted this. Just to know what it would be like, with Blaine. Now, his mind clearer, he sees his error. How will they ever bounce back from this? They most likely won’t. Blaine will hate Kurt for letting this happen, it will be awkward and they will fight and…

 

Maybe it’s better this way, a rebellious voice inside Kurt’s head says. Kurt had Blaine for one night, and he’ll get to hold on to that memory. And Blaine will hate him, they will drift apart, and getting over Blaine won’t be a challenge anymore. Kurt is allowed to nurse his broken heart and then, finally, move on. And no matter how it hurts, no matter how wrong it feels, he’s already taking the necessary steps, slowly but surely. He is moving on from Blaine.

 

He lets the shower wash away the last physical evidence of last night, and his tears mix with the water.

 

*

 

Blaine wakes up because Kurt’s phone won’t stop making noise. Blaine hates the sound of Kurt’s message alert, and now even more than usually. He was sleeping and comfortable! He turns over and finds an empty bed, still warm from Kurt’s presence right against his back. He can hear the shower running, and that makes him relax into the mattress. Kurt is a clean person, of course he’d want a shower before anything else. He isn’t too far away, and he’ll be back in a moment. Then they’ll talk, make this into a relationship for real instead of just pretending. Blaine will be able to tell the world that they’re together, that he’s finally found what all the other guys before couldn’t give him. He has found his place. Blaine smiles at the ceiling. Last night was amazing, Kurt was so beautiful, the sounds he made drove Blaine crazy. Blaine can’t wait to get to it again once they’re back in New York, in _their_ apartment, where no one else is present and they can take as long as they want. And does Blaine want…

 

Kurt’s phone chirps again. Blaine reaches over to the nightstand and picks it up. Who has such an urge to message Kurt on a Saturday morning like this? He checks the name on the screen and his insides freeze.

 

Five new messages from Chandler.

 

Blaine had completely forgotten about Chandler. Chandler, who’s been texting Kurt all week. Kurt hadn’t seemed that into it, though. The smiles on Kurt’s face at the messages had been small and amused, not love-struck. Or at least Blaine had tried to convince himself of that. He knows Kurt, he can’t have been that wrong. Can he?

 

Without really thinking, Blaine pushes in the code to unlock the device. It opens to a text conversation. The last message before the new, unread ones that woke Blaine up makes Blaine drop the phone on the sheets.

 

Kurt: _What do you say, dinner on Monday? Sorry to bother this early, but I couldn’t wait to ask_.

 

It’s from the very same morning. Blaine can feel tears prickling in his eyes. Kurt asked Chandler out only minutes ago, while still in bed with Blaine. Right after getting off with Blaine.

 

Right before Blaine wanted to ask him into a relationship.

 

Blaine had been so sure they saw things the same way. He had been certain they were only one conversation away from forever. Kurt used to crush on him. Kurt made that comment about pining. There are feelings between them, mutual feelings. Blaine had counted on it yesterday, behind his lust he’d thought that this meant something. Neither of them is a fan of casual sex – this has to mean something. Blaine would have never thought Kurt would do something like this.

 

Blaine feels like a fool. He knows it means something, sleeping together. Blaine’s never had a one-night stand, or well, never before this – he’s only slept with the guys he’s dated first. He knows Kurt’s been out once or twice, but he also knows that Kurt prefers his sexual activities with a connection to the person he’s having relations with. Well, Kurt does have a connection with Blaine. Still it’s hard to believe that Kurt would do this. Blaine can’t be a mistake to him, he doesn’t want to be. It has to mean something for them both.

 

But it’s clear that Chandler means something, too. Kurt wouldn’t ask him to dinner unless he wants to go. Kurt wants to date Chandler, he is going to turn it into a relationship. Where does that leave Blaine?

 

Blaine doesn’t bother reading Chandler’s answers. He saw enough already. It hurts enough already. He doesn’t know what to do. He holds back his tears, sobs drily for a few times. Kurt can’t see him cry. He has to keep himself together, he has to keep going through the motions even though his heart is in pieces inside his chest, and the pieces keep stinging him. He takes a deep breath and gets up to find some clothes. The shower isn’t running anymore, so Kurt will be back soon.

 

When the door opens and Kurt steps in, Blaine doesn’t look at him. “Chandler texted you,” he says in a hollow voice that luckily doesn’t break. Before Kurt can answer, he leaves the room.

 

He showers, brushes his teeth and dresses, mind carefully blank. Then he stops, stares at the tiny slip of a card he’d tucked into his phone case, just in case. He wasn’t sure at the time why he kept it, but now he’s glad he did. He needs to talk to someone, he reasons. He needs to talk someone outside the situation. He can’t talk to Rachel, because she would turn this into a huge drama that he really wants to avoid. He can’t talk to Sam, because Sam would talk to Mercedes, and Mercedes would talk to Kurt. Blaine doesn’t want that either. Everyone in Lima was Kurt’s friend first. All except one.

 

Blaine pushes the new number into his phone and saves it under name Sebastian.

 

Blaine: _Are you free right now?_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for your comments and every kudos - they keep me going even when I'm really tired. Like right now.

 

“I’m going for a walk,” Blaine announces as he comes downstairs. He doesn’t spare one glance towards the kitchen or Kurt sitting there with his dad. Kurt listens, defeated, as the front door closes. A part of him wants to run after Blaine, tell him he doesn’t know the neighborhood, anything to have him close. Kurt doesn’t like it when Blaine is upset, but he’s the reason for that. Their night together is the reason for Blaine’s mood. Kurt needs to keep his distance and let Blaine come to him once he’s cooled down a little.

 

“Hey buddy, are you two alright?” Burt is looking at the spot where Blaine disappeared.

 

“I have no idea,” Kurt answers and stares at the newspaper his dad folds and puts away to give Kurt his full attention.

 

“What happened?” Burt asks, eyes full of concern.

 

 _We had sex_. But Kurt can’t say that, he can’t unravel this mess from there. He doesn’t know what else to say, either, so he just shrugs.

 

“You can talk to me, Kurt.”

 

“I know,” Kurt whines. “I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know how we got to this – he won’t even look at me!” Was it that bad, last night? Kurt doesn’t know what to think. Does Blaine feel like Kurt was taking advantage? Kurt shudders at the thought. He should have been more careful. He never should have let that happen, but least of all when they were drunk.

 

Kurt’s phone chirps on the counter. Burt gives him a pointed look. “Does that have something to do with it? Your phone’s been going off all morning.”

 

Burt is not exaggerating. Chandler is almost painfully enthusiastic, agreeing on the date, suggesting restaurants and weighing the pros and cons of Thai versus Italian. Kurt’s not sure how to answer any of it. He’s not sure of anything anymore.

 

“It could be,” Kurt says to save face. It’s the only thing he can say to give some sort of explanation to his father.

 

“Who is it? The one texting you?”

 

Kurt sighs and decides that at least here he has to tell the truth. “Just a guy I met.”

 

Burt gives him an incredulous look that makes Kurt feel incredibly small. Kurt almost wants to hide under the table. He wants to put his fingers in his ears and start singing to not hear what his dad will say next.

 

“Just a guy? Kurt, what are you doing? Do you have any sense in that head of yours? You’ve got Blaine, who clearly loves you very much, right here, but you keep texting to some guy you just met. No wonder Blaine’s mad at you.”

 

“Blaine loves me?” Kurt blinks. The words come out without permission, small and miserable. Their ruse has been working a little too well.

 

“Son.” Burt’s eye roll rivals Kurt’s best bitch faces. “I haven’t had the chance to spend a lot of time with you, but it’s still very clear to me. He looks at you with hearts in his eyes. I doubted how wise this is of you, since you’re roommates, but seeing you two together erased any doubts right away. Don’t be stupid, Kurt.”

 

Kurt’s heart is beating so loud he thinks his father might be able to hear it. He swallows a lump that’s formed in his throat. This might mean that he has a fighting chance – that he has a real chance with Blaine. They haven’t been doing that much acting, and his dad isn’t very easy to deceive. Maybe there is something there. Kurt wants to hold on to Blaine. If it was a possibility, he’d share the rest of his life with Blaine. And what if… what if last night wasn’t a mistake after all?

 

Is it possible for one person to have everything he’s ever wanted?

 

“Dad… I have a phone call to make.”

 

*

 

Sebastian agreed to come pick Blaine up from the intersection near Kurt’s house. Blaine doesn’t trust himself in navigating Lima alone. He knows how to get to the intersection, but that’s about it. He doesn’t want to get lost here and then be forced to call Kurt to come and rescue him.

 

It’s a beautiful morning. The sun is shining down from a cloudless sky, and the temperature is still rising. Blaine is glad he chose a white, light t-shirt today, because it keeps him cooler than a dark color would. There is a slight breeze in the air, but it doesn’t help much. The heat is still making him sweat. It would have been a perfect day to just laze around in the backyard of Kurt’s parents’ house, but as fate would have it, Kurt doesn’t want Blaine after all. Blaine shakes his head. He really doesn’t want to think about it. It hurts too much.

 

Blaine doesn’t have to wait for Sebastian long. He drives a sleek black Audi, waves a hand and then pulls over to the curb to let Blaine climb in.

 

“Hello, killer.”

 

“Hi, Sebastian,” Blaine answers and buckles up. He doesn’t comment on the nickname he hates. He doesn’t have the energy to.

 

“My hotel okay?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

Sebastian gets back on the street and starts driving. There aren’t many cars around, the traffic is light. It’s Saturday before noon, so Blaine guesses people are either at home or already at pools and in parks.

 

“I didn’t think you’d take me up on my offer,” Sebastian says.

 

“Neither did I,” Blaine admits.

 

Sebastian glances at him. “You’re not in a chatty mood, I see, though your message said you wanted to talk.”

 

“Can we just… get to the hotel and sit down before anything else?” Blaine asks, verging on pleading.

 

“Okay,” Sebastian agrees easily, and the rest of drive passes in silence.

 

The hotel Sebastian is staying at is probably the nicest the town can offer. Still, it’s not very fancy. There’s a bar and a restaurant downstairs, decorated in light greens and off-white. It looks somehow shabby even though it tries to be classy. Blaine follows Sebastian to the elevator without thinking anything at all. He doesn’t want to, but soon he’ll have to.

 

Sebastian swipes a card and they enter a small but tidy room with a gigantic bed. The walls are white, and there’s a mirror on the wall that Blaine steadfastly avoids. He doesn’t want to face himself right now. He doesn’t want to see the turmoil in his own eyes. Sebastian sheds his t-shirt and sits down on the edge of the bed.

 

“It’s so damn hot out there, thank fuck for air conditioning. But hey, what’s going on? Who stole your favorite bowtie?”

 

Blaine fidgets a moment before sitting on the bed, too. He makes sure to stay far enough away from Sebastian, though. He doesn’t want to give the man any ideas.

 

“I really need to talk to someone, and everyone else I know in this town is either Kurt’s friend or family.”

 

Sebastian sighs. “So this is about Kurt.” His voice is disappointed. Does he really think Blaine would just fall into bed with him?

 

“I think I screwed up,” Blaine says, staring at his hands.

 

“Well, seeing that you’re in my hotel room,” Sebastian bites out, “it’s pretty clear that things are not fine between you and your boyfriend.”

 

“He’s not my boyfriend.”

 

Sebastian does an exaggerated double take. “What? He was so possessive in the restaurant the other day. Could’ve fooled me.”

 

“He’s my best friend, Sebastian. The best friend I’ve ever had.” Blaine bites his lip. He’s not sure how to continue, or if to continue at all.

 

“Oh, that absolutely changes things,” Sebastian says and leans back on his elbows. He smirks at Blaine, and there’s a glint in his eyes. Somehow this cockiness suits him. It’s part of the reason why Blaine originally started going out with him. Things are different now, though. He’s older, wiser, and –

 

“I’m in love with him.” It’s the first time he’s said it out loud. The confession leaves him almost breathless.

 

“You _probably_ should have lead with that one,” Sebastian draws out and sits back up.

 

“And I slept with him last night. As in, we got off together,” Blaine continues, ignoring Sebastian’s words.

 

Sebastian coughs. Blaine can’t look at him.

 

“So, to recap: you got off with your best friend that you’re in love with.” Sebastian’s voice is odd, but Blaine can’t begin to analyze it.

 

“Yeah. But he doesn’t want me the way I want him. This morning before I even woke up he asked out someone else.”

 

“Is that guy an idiot or what?” Sebastian huffs. “Maybe you do have a type.”

 

At that, Blaine looks up at Sebastian. “What does that mean?”

 

“You go for people that don’t treat you right. Like me, like him.”

 

Blaine sputters. There’s no way in hell Kurt and Sebastian are the same. Sebastian is all about instant satisfaction and the thrill of the chase: Sebastian takes what he’s after and then moves on. Sebastian doesn’t do feelings. Kurt, on the other hand, is a caring, compassionate romantic, who looks for something real and lasting instead of a good time for a few hours.

 

“Admit it, Blaine. He did not treat you right.”

 

“No, he didn’t,” Blaine exhales. He can’t really deny it. He just can’t see how he missed the signs that Kurt isn’t as into it as he is. He was so sure they were on the same page. He was ready to enter into a relationship with Kurt. He was just about to confess his feelings. He guesses he was lucky that the truth came out before he made a fool out of himself.

 

“What do I do, Sebastian?”

 

“You move on,” Sebastian shrugs.

 

“I live with him,” Blaine says in a small voice.

 

“Okay, now I’m starting to think that you’re the idiot.”

 

*

 

Chandler picks up after what feels like an eternity of waiting. He sounds so happy and eager that it breaks Kurt’s heart a little. Chandler has no idea what Kurt is about to say. It hurts because the guy is expecting something completely opposite of what’s coming. Kurt hates that he has to be the bad guy, but sometimes life gives you no choices. He takes a deep breath, but Chandler is going full steam ahead right after they greet each other.

 

“You’ve never called me before, Kurt! How are you?”

 

“I’m okay, I guess? And you?” Kurt hates this. He needs to say his piece and be done with it, but he doesn’t want to be too much of an ass.

 

“All the better now that I get to talk with you.”

 

The thing with Chandler is that he doesn’t seem to be able to stop flirting. Ever. At first it was flattering, but now it’s only tiring. Kurt likes that he’s appreciated, but there are some lines. Chandler has crossed a line from being lovely into way too much effort long time ago.

 

“Chandler, there’s a reason I called,” Kurt starts.

 

“Okay, so this is a serious conversation. What is it?” Chandler’s tone changes right away, and that helps, at least a little.

 

Kurt takes a deep breath and stares at his bed. The bed he’s shared with Blaine all week long. The bed where Blaine held him down into the mattress only hours ago. “I’m really sorry, Chandler, but I can’t go out with you. I really did not mean this to happen. There’s… there’s someone else.”

 

Chandler is silent for a long time. Kurt picks at his jeans absent-mindedly as he waits for a response.

 

“That someone else is with you there in Oklahoma?” Chandler finally asks. His tone is icy, but he has every right to be angry.

 

“Ohio,” Kurt corrects. “And yeah. He’s someone I never thought I’d have a chance with, but… things have changed.”

 

“Right,” Chandler says. He sounds so unlike himself it’s scary. Kurt doesn’t know him that well, or at all, really, but so far Chandler’s never been short with his words.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says. He doesn’t know what else to say. He hates letting Chandler down like this, he knows he’s acting all weird. He hates being the person to first ask someone out and then cancel only hours later. He hates that he lead Chandler on. But he has to come clean, and it’s better to be honest now.

 

“So this is goodbye, then,” Chandler sighs into the phone and the line rattles with static.

 

“It doesn’t have to be,” Kurt tries.

 

“Oh, yes it does. This is it.”

 

“Yeah,” Kurt breathes. “Good luck in everything, Chandler.”

 

“You too,” Chandler mumbles and ends the call.

 

Kurt takes a moment to just breathe. He hopes Chandler won’t be too upset. They weren’t anything, yet. They didn’t even go out once. He’ll be fine, Kurt thinks to himself and stares at his phone.

 

Now all that is left is getting Blaine back and talking with him. Kurt wants this. He wants to make things right. He leans back in his chair and blinks at the ceiling. He’s scared. Is he ready? This is the step he’s wanted to take for years. What if he screws up everything? Their friendship means the world to him, but who says it wouldn’t be even better as boyfriends? Kurt is hopeful, but not without doubt. At this point, there are no other options, at least not healthy ones. He has to sit Blaine down and have it all out, fair and square, no matter where they end up after. This is too big to hide anymore.

 

Kurt gets up, takes his phone and goes downstairs. He needs to drink some water and think about the things he wants to say to Blaine. He has to get them right on the first try. Besides, he has no idea what Blaine is thinking – he’s been gone for a while now. Kurt hopes Blaine isn’t upset about their night together. He just has to hope for the best and not think about the worst.

 

Carole is making a salad in the kitchen. She’s humming to herself as she’s cutting up some cucumber.

 

“Oh, Kurt, good! Can you slice the tomatoes for me? I need to check the bread in the oven.”

 

“Sure.” Kurt sets his phone down, washes his hands and gets to work. It’s good, it helps him calm down. He tries to convince himself he’s not stalling. Besides, it’s really nice to putter around the kitchen like this, a warm reminder of his high school days.

 

They end up finishing the salad, taking the bread out of the oven and calling out to Burt to have lunch with them. Only after they’ve eaten Kurt gets the chance to contact Blaine. He wants to have this right, talk face to face, so he just fires off a quick text.

 

Kurt: _Where are you? Come back soon, I need to talk to you._

 

Kurt’s heart is beating just as loudly as it did when he texted Blaine for the very first time all those years ago. He hopes that Blaine isn’t lost or too far away. He can’t sit still, so he ends up walking around until the phone chirps in his hand. The reply didn’t take too long, and Kurt is glad, but now his heart is beating even louder.

 

The answer is a picture. It’s a picture of a clearly shirtless Sebastian, his head on a pillow and that terrible smirk in place.

 

Blaine: _A little busy right now. He’ll get back to you._

 

So, this is what it feels like when the world crumbles.

 

\----

 

Burt finds him sitting on the kitchen floor, phone in hand, face pale and eyes blank.

 

“Hey, buddy, you’re scaring me.”

 

Kurt blinks up at his dad. He feels like someone is squeezing his heart in an iron fist and he can only breathe in soft gasps. “It’s… I. I need to go see Mercedes.”

 

“Is she okay?” Burt asks, concerned, and offers his son a hand to get up from the floor.

 

“Yeah, yeah, she’s fine. I just need to go to her.”

 

“You good to drive?”

 

Kurt nods. “Can I borrow your car? Mine is still at Rachel’s.”

 

“Yeah, sure.” Burt goes to get the keys for Kurt while Kurt puts on his shoes. The weight in his chest feels crushing, and at the same time Kurt feels hollow and empty. He can’t wrap his mind around it.

 

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was supposed to answer your comments, at least some of them, today but my eyes are not working properly right now and I couldn't even give a proper final edit for this chapter. 
> 
> I still love every comment to pieces, you've made me smile a lot with your reactions to my words. It means the world to me that I'm able to make you feel things.

 

Blaine gets out from the bathroom to find Sebastian lying on his back on the bed, Blaine’s phone in his hands. Blaine remembers leaving the phone on the nightstand a while ago, and that must have been a mistake. He really doesn’t like the sly look on Sebastian’s face. He still knows the man well enough to know something’s up, even though they haven’t been in contact in years. Some things just don’t change, he guesses. Once you really know someone, you can tell even after a long separation.

 

“Sebastian, what are you doing with my phone?”

 

Sebastian looks up. “Oh, nothing. Just checking what time it is.”

 

Blaine gives him a look. Sebastian only lifts his eyebrows and hands the phone back. Blaine quickly puts it in his pocket. He’ll have to check it later, because he’s not sure if Sebastian can be trusted. He doesn’t want to do it in front of Sebastian, though. He doesn’t want to deal with the man’s comments that would certainly follow. He’ll go with the excuse for now.

 

“Do you want to grab lunch with me downstairs?” Sebastian asks, sitting up.

 

Blaine shrugs. He’s not exactly eager to return to Kurt right now, because he doesn’t know what to say to him. He needs to gather his courage eventually but he’ll take a little delay happily. He’ll eat with Sebastian, and maybe things won’t seem as bad after a meal. Blaine hasn’t eaten a thing yet today, and only now realizes it.

 

“Sure, I’m hungry already anyway.”

 

Sebastian smiles and reaches for his shirt. “Great, let’s go. You can tell me all about your NYC life.”

 

*

 

“’Cedes, please tell me you’re staying with your parents,” Kurt pleads into the phone once Mercedes picks up.

 

“Yeah, I am. Why?” There’s more than a hint of worry in her words.

 

“Because I’m in the driveway and I need you to come get me.”

 

“I’ll be right there, boo.” She hangs up and not a minute later she’s tapping on the passenger side window. Her brows are furrowed in worry as she takes in Kurt’s wrecked face. Kurt opens the door and motions her to get in.

 

“Kurt, what’s wrong? You’ve been crying.”

 

He has. The tears started about halfway through to Mercedes’ house, and now he’s barely holding them in. He knows his face must be all splotchy and red, but he does not care. His appearance is not important right now.

 

“It’s Blaine,” he chokes out. The situation dawns on him again, how he’s completely lost Blaine now. Tears break through. He cries and cries, while Mercedes holds him awkwardly over the gear shift. He can’t speak. He can only sob uncontrollably into her shoulder. He feels bad for getting her lovely purple top wet, but the tears won’t stop now that they’ve started. He’s never cried like this in front of anyone.

 

“I love him, I love him so much, ‘Cedes, but he doesn’t want me back!” he wails out once his words are working.

 

“What are you talking about? Of course he loves you, everyone on the moon can see that.”

 

“It’s not real,” Kurt says, and his voice breaks. “It’s all only pretend.”

 

Mercedes’ eyes get huge. “What?”

 

Kurt spills her it all. He holds nothing back, just lets the words come. How he’s been desperate for Blaine for so long, and it’s been driving him insane. How Blaine came up with the stupid idea when Kurt was hesitant about coming without a date. He tells Mercedes how nice it’s been, having Blaine so close and attentive, and then he tells everything that happened the night before. She listens, shakes her head at him, at them, but remains sympathetic.

 

“And it’s all ruined now, I even broke it off with Chandler and there’s no way he’ll take me back after this – nobody wants me, I just want Blaine but he’s off somewhere sleeping with his abusive ex.” Kurt shakes his head, pulls at his hair. “He ran from my bed into Sebastian’s arms, and what if I’ve lost him for good?”

 

“Oh, boo. You have to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.” Mercedes smoothes a hand down his arm, up and down again. Kurt misses her so much it hurts, because they are heading for opposite coasts tomorrow. His life is unfair.

 

“I miss you. Why can’t you live in New York?” he sniffles.

 

“I miss you too. Why can’t you live in Los Angeles?” Mercedes counters, gentle humor in her voice.

 

Kurt lets out a wet chuckle. “Okay, point taken. But really, I need you. Rachel is fine and all, but she’s not you, and if I lose Blaine… I don’t know how to live without him.”

 

“You won’t lose Blaine. You two are thick as thieves, you’ll make it once you talk it all out. He won’t be mad at you, I’m pretty sure he’ll be nice.”

 

“But… ‘Cedes. Sebastian.” Suddenly Kurt is angry.

 

“Who is this Sebastian guy, anyway?” Mercedes asks.

 

“Blaine’s ex from high school,” Kurt says. “He pursued Blaine until Blaine gave in. From what Blaine has told me, their relationship was mostly sexual, but he never let Sebastian fuck him. That turned into a problem for Sebastian, who decided to hurt Blaine. He threw a slushie on Blaine’s face, only there was rock salt added in it. Blaine had to have an eye surgery after that, but luckily everything went well and he hasn’t suffered from it since.”

 

Mercedes is silent for a while, mulling it over. Then she looks Kurt in the eye. “You know, boo – if Blaine went to Sebastian of all people, he must be really hurting, too.”

 

“Why? We had sex. Why would he be hurt because of that if he likes me like you think he does?”

 

Mercedes only shrugs. “You need to ask him, boo. Not me.”

 

“It’s not okay, Mercedes. None of this is okay. I have no idea what to say to him.”

 

“Tell him what you told me.”

 

“It’s not that simple!” Kurt insists. He doesn’t know which way is up. His feelings are all over the place, he’s angry and tired and heart-broken at the same time. He can’t decide which of those to feel, so he shifts between them. He must be going crazy.

 

Mercedes gives him a long look. “Yes, it is. It’s exactly that simple.”

 

*

 

When Blaine finally has enough courage to return to Kurt’s, it’s late afternoon. Sebastian drops him off and drives away. Blaine takes a moment just standing on the porch. He’s not sure what to say or do, but he knows he must go in the door and face Kurt.

 

Before he manages to ring the doorbell, Kurt opens the door, and he’s furious. His hair is not styled, flopping over his forehead, and his face is red. His eyes are wet and look irritated. Kurt’s been crying.

 

“Where the hell have you been all day?” Kurt spits at him once Blaine is inside and the door is closed.

 

“Outside,” Blaine says. He doesn’t want to talk about Sebastian, not yet.

 

“Outside?” Kurt explodes. “Are you serious with this right now? Like it’s not bad enough that you left without an explanation, you have to lie to me as well?”

 

Blaine blinks. He’s pretty sure he’s never seen Kurt like this. “What?”

 

“You are such a liar, I never would have thought. Whatever, feel free to fuck your ex, since you and I are not in a relationship!” Kurt’s angry words break at the end, and now he’s crying, big, ugly tears streaming down his face. Blaine doesn’t understand how Kurt knows about Sebastian.   


“Was there someone at the hotel?” he asks. They did have lunch at the restaurant, so maybe someone saw them and drew conclusions. Sebastian paid, since Blaine had left without his wallet.

 

Kurt breaks down right in front of Blaine’s eyes. His posture crumbles, he hugs his arms around himself and shakes. Blaine feels helpless, he wants to pull Kurt close and make his pain go away, but he knows Kurt doesn’t want to be touched. Blaine hurts just looking at him, aching to go to him and give some comfort. He can’t. He’s the source of Kurt’s pain.

 

“You… you don’t even bother denying it, do you?” Kurt sobs. “Of course, you have no reason to. We’re not together.”

 

“Kurt…”

 

“No.” Kurt takes a deep breath, composes himself and then stares Blaine in the eye. His stare is full of pain and betrayal. He’s not angry anymore, he’s broken. “You don’t get to say one more word.”

 

“You were the one texting a stranger all week, Kurt, so I don’t think you get to scream at my face because I went to talk to Sebastian,” Blaine says anyway. He won’t let Kurt call all the shots. He has a right to say something, too, no matter how Kurt feels about it. “Besides, how come you think I slept with him?”

 

“Was there someone at the hotel, you said. Right away. And why am I not allowed some little happiness? Why am I not allowed to talk to guys?”

 

Blaine has no answer. He can’t tell Kurt the truth, not like this, not when they’re both upset. He can’t even point out how contradictory Kurt is being – getting mad at Blaine for talking to someone while defending his own right to do the same.

 

“I thought so,” Kurt says, his words final. “You’re on the couch tonight.”

 

Blaine can only look on as Kurt strides up the stairs. He can only stand there, a knife going through his heart. If he ever thought he might have a chance with Kurt, now it is certainly gone for good.

 

*

 

Kurt lies in his bed. His face feels raw with tears that just won’t stop now that they’ve started. _He_ feels raw all over. He’s mad, he’s broken, he’s sad. For a stupid, short moment after talking to his dad he thought he might have Blaine. That they might have something more than just platonic friendship. A fool’s hope that clearly was empty all along.

 

Blaine has made it pretty clear that there’s nothing between them.

 

Maybe staging the break up once they’re back in New York won’t be as hard as Kurt had feared before all this. He’ll go to Elliott’s for a while and start looking for an apartment. If Elliott can’t have him, Kurt will brave living with Rachel. He really doesn’t want to go to Rachel’s, he doesn’t want the dramatics and the explanations she’ll want to hear. It would still be preferable to going home with Blaine.

 

It’s easier to focus on something like that, something practical. Then he doesn’t have to acknowledge the ache in his heart. He doesn’t have to think how it’s hard to breathe normally. He doesn’t want to pay attention to his shattered heart, every beat pumping pain with his blood.

 

Kurt has no idea how he’ll ever get over this. He had the whole world in his hands, and he dropped it.

 

*

 

Blaine is sitting on the couch, staring into nothing. He feels like an intruder once Burt and Carole get home from wherever they were. He feels like he shouldn’t be here, in Kurt’s parents’ home, after everything he’s done.

 

He can’t wrap his head around it all. Where did Kurt get the idea that he slept with Sebastian? Kurt has to know that Sebastian is the last person Blaine would fall into bed with. The only possibility is that someone saw them at the hotel and informed Kurt. Blaine isn’t sure why he’s stuck on this thing, when there’s a shitload of stuff, but this is the one that keeps bothering him.

 

Usually Kurt is rational about stuff like this. Blaine guesses it’s partly due to Rachel’s dramatics and Kurt’s long history with her – Kurt keeps his cool and knows how to take people down from hysterics. Kurt doesn’t often jump into conclusions just like that. He likes to have real evidence, he likes to take a breath and look at the situation from further away. But now he’s mad with it, completely lost, broken and irrational. It scares Blaine, seeing Kurt this worked up.

 

But then, Blaine didn’t react in a rational manner. Maybe Kurt took it as enough of an evidence, when Blaine’s first answer was to ask if someone saw him with Sebastian. He should have denied it, denied and denied. It’s just that it was so unexpected to have it thrown at him like that. He didn’t think, the first thing in his mind came out of his mouth. Blaine hides his face in his hands. He has ruined everything. He has to make it good again, somehow. He just has no idea how to accomplish that.

 

He’s not sure if Kurt will even allow him to try. Kurt has a date on Monday to think about, a guy to fall in love with and share a life with. Blaine will be left behind. Blaine has nothing.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ..so some of you guessed what was up with Sebastian's message. I hope this isn't getting too predictable :D


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so very sorry for not updating yesterday! I was at a music festival, and there just was no time (I was supposed to warn about it Tuesday, but I forgot). Also, next week is going to be crazy for me, so you'll have to wait for the next chapter until Tuesday the 19th :( 
> 
> This chapter is pretty long though, so I hope it'll make up for the wait, if only a little.

 

Kurt stays upstairs the rest of the day, and Blaine wants to disappear. Kurt doesn’t even go down for dinner when Burt asks. Blaine sits awkwardly at the table, feeling wrong and out of place with Burt and Carole. He eats quickly and excuses himself as soon as he dares. Burt heads upstairs with a plate for Kurt, and Carole starts loading the dishwasher. Blaine sits in the living room, listening to her clinking glasses and plates. He feels like the worst kind of criminal and wishes there was a way for him to leave. He just sits there, wringing his hands and fighting back the despair that tries to choke him. He almost feels like puking.

 

Carole knocks on the wall as she comes into the room. Blaine wants to disappear – this is her home, her living room, her couch, yet she knocks when she enters.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” she asks. Her voice is stern but not unkind. She sits on the other end of the sofa, giving Blaine space, but still there.

 

“I’m not sure if I’m allowed,” he says.

 

“Nonsense. There are always two sides to every argument. If you want to share yours, I’m here.”

 

Blaine swallows, weighing his options. He knows he shouldn’t. He barely knows Carole, Carole is Kurt’s. Blaine has hurt Kurt enough to last a lifetime, it seems, even though he’s not sure how that happened, exactly. But well, Kurt hurt him, too.

 

“He thinks I cheated on him,” Blaine says, and it doesn’t even feel like a lie.

 

“But you didn’t?” Carole prods.

 

“No!” Blaine exclaims. “I did go see my ex without telling Kurt, yes. But I did not cheat on Kurt with him. I needed someone to talk to, someone who isn’t Kurt’s first. He is an outsider to all of this, and I needed a break. Kurt keeps texting this guy, and I…” Blaine shrugs, not knowing how to continue.

 

Carole looks confused, but not angry. She’s not taking sides, even though she should be taking Kurt’s. Blaine respects her a lot in that moment, that she’s open-minded enough to come to him and let him talk about it, free of judgment.

 

“I really needed a break. Everyone here is Kurt’s. I got overwhelmed. Sebastian is in town and he’s someone that only knows me. I needed that. And now Kurt thinks I slept with him and I don’t even know why!”

 

“Did you two talk about this?” Carole asks gently.

 

“Not really. We fought when I got back, and it wasn’t really a conversation, just… a fight.” Blaine sighs. He wants to go home. “Kurt won’t listen to me. He’s up there, fuming in what he thinks is righteous anger. There’s no use begging and pleading, now.”

 

“You boys sure know how to make a mess of things,” Carole says. “Let him calm down a little, and then make him sit down and listen. You both deserve that much. It’s clear how much you love each other, I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

 

“I love him so much, you have no idea,” Blaine says with a watery smile. He can’t stop himself from saying it.

 

Carole gives him a warm smile. “Then I’m sure things will work out.”

 

*

 

“Kurt, buddy, you have to eat.”

 

“Dad, leave me alone.”

 

“I will sit here until that plate is empty and your belly is full.”

 

Kurt eyes the plate. There are some greens, potatoes, gravy and meatballs. He has no appetite whatsoever. He does have a headache, and a broken heart. Blaine chose Sebastian over Kurt. Kurt can’t begin to understand why he doesn’t qualify romantically at all, but Sebastian is fine to go and sleep with at the first occasion that rises. Sebastian, who hurt Blaine before, seems to be a better option than Kurt.

 

“Kurt, get up from the bed and eat. I can’t believe I have to say this to an adult you when I remember so clearly the nine-year-old you and telling him the same thing.” Burt is sitting on a chair by the vanity, arms crossed on this chest.

 

“I don’t feel like eating.”

 

“You’re only going to feel worse if you’re hungry. And if you can’t eat, you can talk to me instead.”

 

Kurt sits up and shoves a forkful of potato in his mouth. He’d rather eat than talk. The situation is so out of hand and he doesn’t want his dad intervening.

 

They stay silent as Kurt eats. He takes his time, chewing carefully, waiting for his dad’s patience to run out. It seems to last. His dad has always been stubborn, and it’s not changing even now. He sits in the very same position when Kurt swallows the last piece and drinks the rest of his water.

 

“The plate is empty, you can leave,” Kurt says.

 

“No. Talk to me, son. I don’t like it when you feel like you can’t confide in me.” Burt leans forward a little, catching Kurt’s eye.

 

“Dad.”

 

“Kurt.”

 

Kurt sighs. “We’re fighting, we’re probably over, it hurts like hell. I am allowed to be upset.”

 

Burt looks at him, eyebrows raised, and gets up from the chair. “Over? What happened? You two were so in love only yesterday – you can’t be serious.”

 

 _Blaine has never loved me_ , Kurt almost says. _He’s just that good of an actor, he fooled even me_. He can’t say that, though. That’s a can of worms his father will never see open.

 

“He slept with someone,” Kurt says instead.

 

“What?” Burt’s outburst is loud and angry. “When did he have the time to do that?”

 

“Today, after he walked out this morning.” Kurt can’t look at his dad, so he stares out the window instead. A nice summer day, completely ruined.

 

“What makes you think so?”

 

Kurt reaches for his phone on the nightstand, opens the message he got earlier, and shoves the phone to his dad. He doesn’t say a word. He can’t. There’s nothing to say, really. He can only wait for his father’s reaction.

 

Burt just stares for a long time, and Kurt finds his words. “You can’t explain that away. Please, let me just deal with this on my own, in my own time. Don’t go there to yell at him. We’ll go back to New York tomorrow, and deal with our stuff there.”

 

“Something doesn’t add up here, Kurt,” Burt says and hands the phone back.

 

“Yeah, well, I can’t understand it either. This is not the Blaine I know.” Kurt slumps back on the bed.

 

“You know I’ll always be here, right? You can always come home.”

 

Kurt smiles. He appreciates his dad more than he could ever say. He doesn’t know where he’d be without that support and love. “I know. If things get too tough, I’ll call you.”

 

“You call me no matter how things are.”

 

“Deal,” Kurt agrees.

 

\----

 

There’s a breakfast planned for Sunday morning at Rachel’s dads’ place, to say goodbye. It’ll probably be quite long before they all can make it to one place again. Kurt can tell that Blaine is even less enthusiastic about going than he is. Blaine looks tired, hesitant and sad. It looks like Kurt isn’t the only one weighed down by a sleepless night.

 

Blaine heads upstairs to pack his stuff, and the moment he’s gone, Carole corners Kurt where he’s getting juice from the fridge. Kurt does not like the look on her face. She’s about to meddle, and she knows very well how Kurt feels about that. There’s determination in the shape of her mouth, though, telling Kurt that she won’t let this go no matter what Kurt thinks about it.

 

“Okay, Carole, spill.”

 

“You should let him explain himself.”

 

Kurt suppresses a sigh and crosses his arms. “There is nothing to explain. He did what he did, and tried to lie to me about it.”

 

Carole shakes her head. “There’s been a misunderstanding, and I really hope you’ll listen to him when he comes to you and tells you how it really is.”

 

“I don’t think so. Please, let me deal with this my own way. We’ll talk it out once we get back to New York.” Kurt knows that his dad and Carole talk, so why does he have to repeat himself?

 

“You should do it your way. Just don’t be too stubborn, and listen what he says to you, okay?”

 

Blaine comes down the stairs with his packed suitcase, and Kurt can only nod as an answer. He’s not sure what Carole thinks Blaine has to say. He drinks his juice and heads to the hall to get his shoes.

 

“Let’s go, we’re on a schedule.” As it is, they can’t stay with the others for long before heading to the airport. They’ve packed their bags and will be ready to go as soon as this breakfast is over and done with. Kurt can’t wait.

 

Kurt thanks his lucky stars that the drive isn’t too long. The silence between them is heavy and painful, unlike any silence ever before. Kurt can practically feel Blaine looking for words, but none come out. It’s better that way. They have to go through with this charade, and this breakfast is the last thing left. Then they can stop pretending they are anything at all.

 

Rachel opens the door and ushers them in. Her smile isn’t quite as bright as earlier in the week, and only then Kurt remembers that she’s having problems with Jesse again. She looks at them a bit weird, she must notice the distance between them, but when Kurt shakes his head a little she just turns and leads them to the dining room. Mike and Tina are there, Mercedes sitting next to them. Sam is further along, seems to be deep in discussion with Artie and Josh. Quinn is already eating next to them. Minnie, Arties girlfriend, comes from the kitchen carrying a pitcher of water, followed by Brittany and a tray of sandwiches. That means Santana is somewhere around, as well.

 

Kurt heads right over to Mercedes and Tina, not really caring where Blaine ends up. Mercedes invites him in right away, telling him that they were just talking about junior prom. It’s not really something that Kurt likes to revisit, but he’ll take anything over the mess his life currently is.

 

Kurt is going to miss his friends.

 

*

 

It’s odd, being here. Kurt runs from Blaine as soon as he’s able to, and Blaine stands stupidly in the doorway for a moment. He doesn’t belong here. This is Kurt’s world, Kurt’s past, and he was only visiting in the first place. Now he feels completely uninvited. No matter how much he likes Sam or Rachel, he’s an outsider here.

 

Artie’s Minnie comes over to him with a tentative smile on her sweet, round face.

 

“Hi. We haven’t really talked, but I gathered that you’re also a plus one, and not a member of the New Directions?”

 

“That’d be right. My name’s Blaine.” Blaine offers his hand. They were introduced in the beginning, but he doesn’t expect her to remember. She’s met a big bunch of people in a few days’ time.

 

“Minnie.” She takes the offered hand. Her hand is tiny, but the shake is firm. “I feel like, it’s so weird looking at them, they’re like a family.”

 

“Yeah, they are. I’ve known some of them for a while, and I’m overwhelmed, too. I can’t imagine what it’s like for you,” Blaine offers.

 

“Yeah, this has been a whirlwind. Everyone is nice, but I’m completely lost on names. I don’t regret coming, it’s great to see Artie with his friends, and I got to meet his parents for the first time as well.” Minnie looks over at Artie, who is laughing at something Sam said.

 

“How did that go?” Blaine asks, making conversation. It’s nice to talk to someone completely new.

 

“Fine, fine. I’ve had a good time overall. It’s good to see Artie with these guys – he talks about them a lot, all the time,” Minnie laughs.

 

“So does Kurt.” Blaine hazards a look in Kurt’s direction. He’s sitting with Mercedes and Tina, looking tired, but smiling. He’s so beautiful it hurts to look at him. Blaine turns away. He was so close to calling that his, but now it’ll never happen. He’s not even sure where everything went wrong.

 

“Have you guys been together long?” Minnie asks. She probably thinks this is a nice and easy subject, when it’s everything but.

 

Blaine turns his sigh into a huff of laugh. “We’ve known each other for years, but only got together-together a little while ago. It’s a long story.”

 

“That’s nice,” Minnie offers.

 

Blaine doesn’t know how to answer, so he asks about Artie instead.

 

*

 

Time practically flies by. Kurt glances at his watch and almost freaks out. He and Blaine really have to get going if they are going to be at the airport on time.

 

“I’m sorry, guys, but Blaine and I really need to leave now,” Kurt announces as he stands up. “We’ve got a plane to catch.”

 

“Oh, already?” Mercedes pouts. “I’d have liked to keep you longer.”

 

“I share that sentiment,” Kurt says and hugs her, long and hard.

 

He goes on to hug Tina, Mike and Quinn, shaking Josh’s hand and then hugging Sam, who almost lifts him up in the air. Artie settles for a high five. Brittany squeezes him tight.

 

“Take care of your dolphin. You have to make up, I hate seeing you sad,” she says.

 

“It’s okay, Britt, it’ll be fine,” Kurt says and pats her in the back. During the meal everyone luckily shut up about Kurt and Blaine sitting on opposite sides of the table, but now the comments come.

 

When Brittany moves away and Santana steps closer, she gives Kurt a hard look before pulling him in. “Porcelain, you heard her. You look like you’re about to burst into flames and the hobbit keeps looking at you with the most pitiful eyes I’ve ever seen. Make it okay.”

 

“None of your business, Satan,” Kurt grits out and pulls away from her.

 

Mercedes comes to hug him again, and luckily, offers no advice. She kisses Kurt on the cheek. “Call me, boo.”

 

“I will. You too. I want to hear all about recording an album.”

 

Mercedes smiles, and Kurt really hates that they live on opposite sides of the continent. He hasn’t even realized how much he’s missed her until she was right there. Why do they have to have careers so far away from each other?

 

Then it’s Rachel’s turn. She only offers a short hug.

 

“I’ll call you when I’m back, we’ll go to lunch.”

 

“Yeah, let’s do that,” Kurt agrees, already thinking of ways to slip away from that lunch. It’s not that he wants to be a terrible friend, he just really don’t want to include her in the drama that’s going on.

 

Kurt catches Blaine’s eye and gestures towards the door. They leave, waving and calling out goodbyes. Once the door closes behind them, everything turns awkward again.

 

“Let’s just get going before we’re too late,” Kurt says, and that’s what they do.

 

*

 

They make it to the airport with time to spare. Burt hugs them both goodbye as he drops them off. Blaine feels like he doesn’t deserve the gesture, but welcomes it either way. They get through security without any trouble, Kurt first, Blaine following. They have some time to kill before boarding, so they go get coffee from a Starbucks close to their gate. It all happens without talking, without touching. The minimal communication needed is through gestures only. Blaine wants to say something, anything, to break the ice. Every time he opens his mouth, Kurt’s stony expression makes him shut up before one word is uttered. He doesn’t know how he’ll survive the flight.

 

As it happens, they both fall asleep soon after the plane takes off. Blaine wakes up about half an hour before they’re supposed to land. He feels groggy and disoriented, and it takes a while before he’s completely alert. There’s a crick in his neck and he’s starving.

 

Kurt sleeps on by his side, and Blaine doesn’t bother waking him up. Kurt looks peaceful and young, his white skin perfect. He’s leaning his head back against the seat, his neck long and tempting – Blaine kinds of wants to press his face there, into Kurt’s skin, breathe him in. Kurt’s breathing is heavy, his mouth slightly open.

 

Blaine has kissed that mouth.

 

There have been some stupid decisions in his life. Sebastian the first time. Approaching Jeremiah in his place of work. That one weekend freshman year that he still can’t completely remember. So, Blaine has made mistakes, and he knows what regret is like. It’s never been like this before, though. It feels like his heart is in pieces, like he can’t breathe properly. He has never regretted anything as much as ruining things with Kurt. Carole had been certain that they can still mend it, but Blaine’s not so sure. Not after seeing Kurt act all cold at the airport.

 

Here’s to hoping, Blaine thinks to himself as the seatbelt light turns on.

 

*

 

Finally home. Kurt drops his suitcase from his hand right after he’s through the door and strides into his room without a backward glance towards Blaine. He’ll just gather some stuff – his sketchbook, a book or two, some clean underwear. He doesn’t bother with clothes, because he can wash what he has in his suitcase, and he can swing by the apartment once Blaine’s gone to the theater. Kurt hopes he won’t have to do this for long. He really hopes that Elliott will take him in, but he plans on giving the man no choice.

 

“Kurt?” Blaine’s tentative voice calls from the doorway of Kurt’s room. “What are you doing?”

 

“Getting my things.”

 

“But… why?”

 

“I’m going to Elliott’s.” Kurt stuffs his things into a messenger bag and doesn’t look at Blaine. It hurts too much to even think about looking at him, seeing those golden eyes that Kurt knows will be pleading. He won’t be able to look in those eyes – he will break if he does.

 

“Elliott’s? Kurt, please, can we talk about this?” Blaine sounds like he’s close to tears. Well, so is Kurt.

 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Kurt says, steels himself and faces Blaine.

 

Blaine stands in the doorway, not coming in to Kurt’s space. There’s a look of pure despair on his face, his eyes huge and wet, his mouth downturned. He looks small and lost. Kurt hardens his shell. He will not pity Blaine – Blaine’s the one who ran into someone else’s arms.

 

“You can’t say that,” Blaine says, and his voice cracks.

 

“I just did.”

 

“Won’t you let me explain?” Blaine begs.

 

Kurt lets out a disbelieving laugh, because otherwise he’d burst into tears. “Explain? There is nothing to explain, Blaine. You don’t want me, fine. I just wish you had said it instead of running from my bed to Sebastian’s.”

 

*

 

“I did not sleep with Sebastian!” Blaine insists, blinking rapidly to keep his tears from falling. Seeing Kurt packing broke something in him, and he feels like he can barely stand upright. His hands are shaking, and he swallows compulsively to try to get the lump in his throat to dissolve. “I do not know what makes you think I did. Yes, I did go to him, but only to talk. I swear, Kurt.”

 

Kurt looks away, and then turns back to Blaine, his gaze hard and unforgiving. “How stupid do you think I am? Stop lying to me, it’s not helping your case at all.”

 

“Kurt, you know me. You know… There’s nothing between me and Sebastian. Nothing. We only talked.” At least Kurt is listening now. Blaine needs to find the right words, he can’t let Kurt walk out of their apartment or they’ll be done for good. He just has to keep Kurt here, make him listen. They need to be okay, no matter how it hurts that Kurt will go with another tomorrow. Blaine needs Kurt in his life in whatever capacity he can have him.

 

“Yeah, you just talked without any clothes on.”

 

Blaine frowns. “What?”

 

“Okay, fine.” Kurt digs his phone out of his pocket and taps it a few times before showing the screen to Blaine. There’s a picture of clearly shirtless Sebastian there. Blaine just stares at it, not understanding.

 

“It says ‘a little busy right now. He’ll get back to you.’”

 

“Where did you get that?” Blaine asks.

 

“From your phone. He answered my message when I asked you where you were. Have you not looked at your phone?”

 

“Yeah?” Blaine gets his own phone out and finds the conversation with Kurt. Two deleted messages, it says underneath a discussion about food on Monday, the day before they left for Lima. Blaine shoves his phone to Kurt, who takes it with a look of trepidation. He scrolls for a moment and frowns.

 

“You deleted them?”

 

“Guess again. You know what an asshole Sebastian can be.” Blaine shrugs. That’s the only explanation he can come up with. Fucking Sebastian, meddling into things that have nothing to do with him.

 

Kurt swallows audibly and plops down on his bed, phone in each hand. “You… you think Sebastian did this?”

 

“I’m certain. I have no reason to lie to you. We were in his hotel room, talking, and I needed to go to the bathroom. When I got out, he had my phone in his hands.” Blaine remembers it now, Sebastian stretched out on the bed on his back, tapping something on Blaine’s phone.

 

“He’s not wearing a shirt.”

 

“It was a damn hot day, Kurt. He took it off. I was fully clothed the whole time, and we just talked.” Blaine feels weird pleading his case like this. Why does Kurt even care? It’s been made clear that they are not in a relationship. It’s none of Kurt’s business who Blaine sleeps with.

 

“Why do you care, anyway?” Blaine asks.

 

Kurt bites his lip and shakes his head. “I keep telling you to lock your phone, Blaine.”

 

At least Kurt’s not mad anymore. Blaine is relieved, this is progress, but there are still so many questions left unanswered. So, he asks again.

 

“Why do you care, Kurt? Why would it matter if I slept with Sebastian?”

 

*

 

Kurt doesn’t know what to say, so he deflects. “Why did you need to talk to Sebastian in the first place?”

 

Blaine sighs, clearly frustrated, and throws his hands up. “Everyone else in Lima is your family or friend. I needed someone on the outside. Kurt, _why does it matter_?”

 

“He’s… he’s not a good person. You know it better than I do, because all I know is what you’ve told me. So, why him?” Kurt can’t wrap his mind around that. If Blaine wanted to talk to someone other than him, why not Sam?

 

Blaine takes a deep breath. “Because you texted Chandler.”

 

Whatever Kurt thought Blaine might say, that’s not it. “I… I don’t understand.”

 

Blaine’s eyes turn watery again. “I saw it, Kurt.” His voice breaks. “I did not mean to, but yesterday morning I woke up to your phone going off, and going off, and going off. You were in the shower. I unlocked your phone and it opened to a conversation between you and Chandler, starting with you asking him out. You had asked him out not twenty minutes earlier.” Blaine takes a long, shuddering breath, and tears fall down his face. He doesn’t make a move to wipe them away.

 

Kurt’s not sure if he should be mad at Blaine for going through his phone, but it’s not the first time one of them has checked the other’s phone for whatever reason. Blaine knows the code to unlock Kurt’s phone, and Kurt has never minded. He’s the one who gave it to Blaine in the first place!

 

“And Kurt… Kurt.” Blaine takes a moment to breathe. “I was so mad. I was so jealous. I hate it, I have no claim over you and jealousy is not attractive, not something I want to feel. So I needed to get out, I needed someone who I didn’t have to pretend with, I went to Sebastian. You, I… You. Kurt, help me out here?”

 

Kurt doesn’t know what to say. He’s frozen, Blaine stands there crying his eyes out, and Kurt can’t believe what he’s hearing. Does that mean what it sounds like?

 

“We… Can we just acknowledge it, Kurt? We can ignore it after this talk, we can forget it ever happened, but right now… Kurt, we got off together. We had sex.” Blaine’s voice breaks. “And I… I woke up to an empty bed and a noisy phone on the nightstand. The bed was still warm from you, and I couldn’t wait to have you back in my arms. But there was the goddamned phone, and I looked at it, and. You asked a guy out before even washing our night off of yourself. How was I supposed to feel?”

 

Kurt can’t process. He has no answer. Dread is creeping up his back, and he feels horrible. Blaine is not the reason for the mess they’re in, like Kurt has thought for about 24 hours now. It’s all Kurt’s fault. He was in a rush to get over Blaine, he needed to get that message to Chandler as soon as he woke up.

 

Blaine stares at his fists, opening them and losing them again. “I was crushed, Kurt. I needed someone who I didn’t have to fool, so I went to Sebastian. He was someone I could talk to honestly, and I could expect him to be blunt in return. I know that I should have told you where I was going, but can you blame me?”

 

“Blaine, please, sit down,” Kurt says. His ears are burning, he can feel the blush of shame on his face. He can’t believe what Blaine is saying, because it all has to mean…

 

“Shit, Blaine, I’m so sorry. I was being an idiot.”

 

“No, Kurt, I get it. We were only supposed to act like a couple in front of people, not behind closed doors. I knew you had Chandler, yet I went through with it anyway. My anger and jealousy are totally uncalled for. I just can’t help it.” Blaine does not sit down, but stands stubbornly by the door.

 

“Chandler is no one. After you left I called him to cancel the date, and we agreed to not keep in touch.” Kurt needs to be closer to Blaine, so he gets up and takes a tentative step towards him. “Do you know what I said to him? I told him that I can’t see him, because there’s someone else. Because something happened.”

 

Blaine looks at him, his caramel eyes full of the same, crazy hope that makes Kurt’s heart jump in his chest.

 

“What happened?” Blaine asks breathlessly, as Kurt steps even closer.

 

“Someone I thought I’d never have a chance with slept with me.”

 

Blaine is right in front of him, blinking up at him, his long eyelashes sweeping down. His eyes are still shiny with tears, but he’s not actively crying anymore. “Who might that be?”

 

“You, Blaine. It’s always been you.” Kurt leans in, presses his lips to Blaine’s.

 

Blaine surges up to meet him, their lips lock together, one of Blaine’s hands snaking around Kurt’s neck to hold on. Kurt’s arms find their way around Blaine’s shoulders as he licks Blaine’s lower lip. Blaine lets him in with a high noise, opening up, melting against Kurt. He’s somehow familiar, even though this is completely new.

 

“This is not for show,” Blaine mumbles against Kurt’s lips before moving to press wet kisses down Kurt’s jaw. “I want this. I want you. I am not pretending. This is me being real.”

 

Kurt has to bite on his lip to keep himself from getting too loud. Blaine’s lips move against his skin, finding all the spots that drive him crazy.

 

“I want you too. For real. Always,” Kurt pants as Blaine finds the perfect spot right under his ear.

 

Suddenly they are wearing way too many clothes. Kurt tugs at Blaine’s shirt, and they separate only long enough for Blaine to lift it over his head and throw it somewhere on the floor. Blaine starts to work on Kurt’s zipper and Kurt removes his own shirt. Skin on skin feels like never before, electricity between them, every little touch egging them on. Blaine get’s Kurt’s pants open, and apparently this time is not going to last long, either, because Kurt is already on the verge of coming. Blaine has that effect on him.

 

*

 

Kurt is beautiful. There’s no other word for him, flushed and naked and hot against Blaine’s skin, his pupils blown and lips red, skin flawless and pale over slim muscle. Blaine tugs on his pants, and Kurt goes to help. Soon they are both naked, clothes in a pile on the floor next to the door. Kurt takes Blaine’s hand and yanks him in, right next to the bed.

 

“We’re doing this?” Kurt asks breathlessly.

 

Blaine nods. “Yes. I want this.”

 

Kurt gives him a shaky but still brilliant smile. “Great. Me, too.”

 

They fall into bed, and Blaine can’t bother with complicated sex right now. He just wants Kurt close, as close as can be, he wants to kiss and touch and love. He turns on side, pulling Kurt close, hand setting on his ass. Kurt brushes his nose against Blaine’s, and somehow even that silly gesture is hot in that moment. Blaine lets out a distressed sound when Kurt turns away, but soon he returns into Blaine’s embrace with an almost full bottle of lube.

 

“Makes things easier,” Kurt whispers, as if any louder voice might shatter the moment.

 

“Yeah,” Blaine breathes, and kisses Kurt again. He’s overwhelmed with their proximity, with Kurt right there, their scents mixing together. Kurt gets some lube on his hand, and wraps his fingers around Blaine’s erection. Blaine groans into Kurt’s mouth – how can a simple hand on him feel so good? He gets lost in the sensation for a long moment, before realizing that he really should reciprocate.

 

He reaches down, gets the lube and then takes Kurt into his slicked up hand. Kurt’s hot and heavy, perfect. He’s not quite moaning as Blaine jerks him, but his breath is hitching audibly. Blaine swallows the sound from his lips.

 

“Need… more,” Kurt whispers against Blaine’s cheek. He turns, pulling Blaine on top.

 

Blaine moves to straddle Kurt, grinding his hips hard into Kurt’s, grunting out his pleasure. Kurt cries out at that, and speeds up his hand on Blaine. He feels amazing under Blaine, sweaty, soft skin and lean muscle, alive, real. Blaine ducks down and sucks on Kurt’s neck, right under his ear, and Kurt seizes up. Blaine jerks him faster, rougher, and that does the trick – Kurt comes, panting in Blaine’s ear. His hand slips away from Blaine’s cock, but Blaine doesn’t mind. He lifts up to sit on his knees and finishes himself off with the kind of strokes that never fail to give him an orgasm. He doesn’t even try to keep out the noises that come out of his mouth. The pleasure is almost too much, too much from something so simple, but it’s with Kurt. That makes all the difference. Blaine collapses down right next to Kurt and snuggles close.

 

Kurt, who has regained his breath, makes a disgusted sound. “Why am I always the one covered in come?”

 

Blaine giggles. He actually, honestly giggles into Kurt’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we can switch things up next time and mess me up instead.”

 

“I like the sound of that,” Kurt muses and drops a small kiss on Blaine’s forehead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a side note, my eyes are ok. They're not liking my job very much, staring at a computer screen all day long. I probably just need new glasses! Thank you for you concerned words <3


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments and continuous support! I'm sorry I had to take last week off with this, but I was too busy on the exact days I've been posting and this chapter wasn't completely done. To be honest, I'm still not totally happy with it, but well.

 

Kurt wakes up in the morning with a smile on his face. He can’t quite believe what happened last night. Blaine wants him. After all this time, Blaine wants him. Kurt almost wants to call in sick to work, he almost gives in to the urge to just stay in bed and float on his happiness. He feels warm to his core. The longing within is satisfied, and he feels _good_.

 

Blaine is still sleeping, right there, in Kurt’s bed. His face is pressed into the pillow, his hair a wild mess of shiny curls. He’s almost snoring, his side rising and falling with his breathing. Kurt needs to touch now that he’s actually allowed to. No more stealing glances or touches, no more guilt over loving Blaine’s casual closeness. He trails a light hand down Blaine’s bare back and chuckles when Blaine makes an annoyed noise.

 

“Good morning, sweetheart,” Kurt leans into Blaine and kisses his shoulder.

 

Blaine turns his head to peek at Kurt from beneath his lashes. “Morning.”

 

Kurt’s heart swells. He’s so in love that it’s ridiculous. This is their first morning together – their first real morning of waking up next to each other. Blaine turns on his back to face Kurt, and there’s a gorgeous, soft smile playing on his lips.

 

“I don’t want to get up,” Kurt says, his voice down, like a secret.

 

“Do you have to?” Blaine asks, and oh, how tempting that is. “I kind of want to keep you here now that I won’t find you going after someone else.”

 

“I have work. I can’t be away from work right after a vacation.”

 

Blaine groans and pulls Kurt closer, skin on skin. Kurt loves it. This is where he belongs.

 

“I, for one, am not going to the theater today,” Blaine tells him. “I’ll be right here, waiting for you to come back. I need to call mom and tell her about this. And… I hate to bring this up right now, but I think I need to give Sebastian a call to tell him off and lose my number.”

 

Kurt freezes at the name Sebastian, but doesn’t let it ruin his mood for a second longer. He makes conscious effort to relax back into Blaine’s arms and drops a kiss into his curls. “Yeah, you should do that. Tell him you’re mine and I’m not giving you up ever.”

 

Blaine laughs. “Someone’s possessive,” he teases.

 

“Fuck yes. I don’t share. We are exclusive, just you and me and no one else. And your ex needs to see that.”

 

That makes Blaine give him a heavy look from beneath his lashes and Kurt gets all hot. He jumps out of bed before he loses the grip on himself.

 

“No, Blaine, I have no time! I need to go to the office!”

 

Kurt doesn’t bother showering, because both he and Blaine needed a thorough wash before going to sleep last night and he doesn’t have time now, anyway. He sets up his breakfast and starts eating, and soon after Blaine joins him. It’s almost like any morning, but at the same time, it’s not. Blaine’s bare toes tickle at Kurt’s ankle, and they can’t stop smiling at each other. After years of living together and knowing each other this all still feels brand new.

 

“I’m your boyfriend now,” Kurt says out loud once he’s finished with his toast.

 

Blaine smiles and his eyes are full of sparkles. “Yes, you are.”

 

“It’s so weird, though,” Kurt starts and takes his plate to the sink, “it feels so new and different, and not much has changed, really. Only everything. See, I’m rambling like a fool, Blaine. I don’t know where I’m going with this.”

 

Blaine’s face is so fond Kurt feels like cracking open right then and there. How is this his life? This beautiful, talented, caring man wants him. They’ve established that they’re boyfriends now, and no one can come between them. They are truly a unit. Kurt can’t wrap his mind around it.

 

“I get what you mean, Kurt, rambling or no. I mean, the day before yesterday we were fighting and I thought you were on your way to Chandler’s arms. Now we’re here instead. I have to say I like this better than the other option.”

 

Kurt leans into the counter, checking his watch. He has a minute. “I’m so sorry about Chandler. I was just… I was sure you’d think we made a terrible mistake. I was certain you wouldn’t like me much after we slept together. I…” he takes a deep breath, and goes for it. “You have to know by now that I’ve had feelings for you pretty much forever. I was trying to protect my heart and turned blind to what was going on.”

 

Blaine bites his lip. “It hurt. I have to say it hurt. I was about to confess my feelings that morning. I was about to tell you that I wanted to stop pretending and make it real instead. But then I woke up to your phone, and – this is where _I’m_ apologizing – I looked at it. Like I told you, I saw you had asked him out, that you took that step. But I guess I almost see why you did that. And also, I’m sorry I ran to Sebastian. I should have talked to you anyway.”

 

“You didn’t know what was going on in my head,” Kurt says. “There’s no need to apologize for that, though you could have chosen someone better to confide in. I think, had I been in your shoes, I probably would have run as well.” He gets it, he does.

 

“Kurt?” Blaine makes sure to look Kurt in the eye with a serious expression. “We’re here now. We need to move on, together. Let’s not allow this whole mess to become an issue?”

 

“Agreed,” Kurt says. “But now I really, really have to go.” He turns to gather his satchel.

 

Blaine follows him to the door with a coy look on his face. “Kiss?” he asks right before Kurt opens the door.

 

Kurt smiles and leans close to place a soft kiss on Blaine’s waiting mouth. It’s so domestic it makes his heart swell. He gives Blaine a love-sick smile and forces himself out of the door. He’ll have to run if he wants to catch the last possible train. “I try to get home as soon as I can,” he says.

 

“I’ll be waiting,” Blaine promises.

 

*

 

Blaine finishes his breakfast after seeing Kurt out. He does the dishes, not that there’s too much to wash. He just needs to occupy his time somehow. He ends up doing the laundry, too, before sitting down on the couch, phone in hand.

 

It’s about lunchtime now, so Blaine thinks he has a good chance of catching Sebastian if he calls now. He wants it done, he wants it clear and gone. Sebastian is about to get an earful. Blaine can’t believe how low the man can go. They’re not teenagers anymore. They should be past pettiness and idiotic pranks, they should be more aware that their deeds have consequences. Blaine huffs out a breath. Maybe he should have thought of that before going to Sebastian. In the moment he wasn’t thinking, though, and it’s of no use to think on that now. What happened, happened and the most important thing is that his stupidity didn’t cost him Kurt.

 

It takes a while to gather some courage, but eventually Blaine chooses the number and holds his breath as he waits for an answer. It takes a long time before Sebastian answers. His voice is formal and for a moment Blaine can’t even recognize him.

 

“Hi, it’s me, it’s Blaine.”

 

“Yes, hold on a second.” Blaine can hear Sebastian excusing himself on the background. And then, in a more familiar tone, “Hello, Blaine. I didn’t think I’d hear from you so soon.”

 

“Really?” Blaine lets his annoyance be heard in his voice. “Did you think you would get away with what you did?”

 

“First of all, thank you for saving me from the most boring business lunch I’ve ever had to suffer through. Secondly, how are things with Kurt? Did you two get it on already?”

 

Blaine sputters. Maybe he should have made Kurt call Sebastian, because for whatever reason he never knows how to defend himself against anything Sebastian says. “What?”

 

“Come on, Blaine – did you or did you not sleep in his bed last night?”

 

“Yes, but that is not the point here…”

 

Sebastian barks out a laugh. “So you’re not calling me to say thank you?”

 

“I’m not following,” Blaine says. “I have no reason to thank you. I called to tell you what an idiot you are.” Okay, wow. Blaine’s never been able to say anything like that to Sebastian before.

 

“Well, as it happens, this so-called idiot got you your man.”

 

“You did not. You made him mad as hell, he didn’t talk to me for a whole day, and he was about to move out to camp on a friend’s floor – all because of you!” Blaine finds his anger again. “You almost ruined it all. What were you even thinking, sending that text?”

 

“Ooh, my lovely, dense Blaine. That text got you talking, didn’t it? That text is the reason you two got your heads out of your asses and started talking. Tell me, am I wrong?”

 

Blaine can’t say anything for a moment. He decides to deflect. “You know, I would have talked to him anyway after I left the hotel. We would have made up without a huge fight in his parents’ home.”

 

“Yeah, right,” Sebastian scoffs. “You thought he was going to date someone else. What happened to that, I wonder?”

 

“Kurt called it off while I was having lunch with you. I’m sure he would have told me if he hadn’t been seething with rage because he thought I slept with you!” The conversation is going nowhere. It’s useless to try to make Sebastian see sense. “Sebastian, I never want to hear from you. I want you to lose my number.”

 

“You can’t deny it, Killer. I’m the reason you got your man.”

 

“I don’t care, Sebastian.” Blaine hangs up. That’s it. That’s the end of things. He will not get his closure, but he’s pretty sure he doesn’t need it. He just has to admit he’ll never get an explanation out of Sebastian.

 

He needs to leave the past behind.

 

*

 

By lunchtime Kurt is still smiling. He’s been catching up on the things he’s missed, and everything is going surprisingly smoothly. Isabelle, his boss, commented on his happiness and Kurt just beamed a bit more.

 

He can’t wait to share this with the only person he’s able to: Mercedes. He picks up his phone and heads outside for lunch. He wants to enjoy the sunshine that matches his mood perfectly. He’s in the city he loves, the summer day is nice, and Blaine waits for him at home – waits for his touch and kiss unlike ever before. Kurt finds a café around the corner, orders a veggie Panini and some coffee. There are still a couple of spots free at the tables outside, so he chooses one and settles into the sun to call his best friend.

 

Mercedes picks up on the second ring. “Hi Kurt! How are things?” Kurt can hear that she’s a bit wary. Of course, she doesn’t know what to expect. Things were not fine yesterday.

 

But now they are.

 

“Imagine a best possible scenario,” Kurt smiles into the phone.

 

“No way! Boo, for real? For real this time, and not just to fool us into not bugging you?”

 

Kurt nods even though Mercedes can’t see him and laughs. “Yes! For real. He’s mine. And for good, if I have any say in the matter. It was such a mess, ‘Cedes. Such a mess! Sebastian was being his usual self, and I jumped into conclusions, and Blaine apologized and I apologized and…”

 

“And you made up in bed?” Mercedes finishes in a tone that tries hard to be dry but fails spectacularly.

 

“Uh-huh, that we did,” Kurt says. He doesn’t bother hiding how smug he feels. Blaine was in his bed last night, out of his own free will, and there he will stay.

 

“I’m so happy for you, Kurt,” Mercedes says. “It’s about time. How dense is that boy of yours again?”

 

“Hey, don’t go insulting my boyfriend,” Kurt says. A little thrill goes through him at the word. He’s allowed to say that now and it’s true. It’s true. He can’t believe it’s actually true.

 

Mercedes laughs. “It took him way too long to see how gone over him you are.”

 

“Honestly, it would have happened a little earlier if I hadn’t been an idiot,” Kurt confesses.

 

“You’re being very dramatic. What do you mean?”

 

“Blaine said that he was about to confess his feelings to me Saturday morning. But I was in a hurry to wipe it all away to avoid heartbreak and texted Chandler,” Kurt’s words just fall out of him. “He was about to talk to me, and instead our last two days in Lima were completely ruined.”

 

“You can’t go back to the past, Kurt,” Mercedes says, and Kurt knows the sense in her words. She is one of his most sensible friends, and again Kurt misses having her close.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“And you’re together now. It’s all good, boo. You’ll get to visit Lima again together.”

 

“You’re right. Have I told you that I love you lately?”

 

 “I love you, too, boo.” Mercedes’ voice is warm.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, here it is. I'll leave a longer note at the end, so it'll be easier to skip if you don't want to read my ramblings ;)

 

“Honey, I’m home!” Blaine hollers after closing the door behind himself.

 

“In the kitchen,” Kurt calls back. It seems like an eternity ago that Kurt used to yell back with “not your honey, sweetheart”.

 

Blaine grins as he sets his keys into the ashtray, right next to Kurt’s keys, before makes his way to the kitchen, to Kurt, to his boyfriend. He still can’t quite believe it. It’s Tuesday, two days after they got back from Lima. He just had a good day at the theater, it seems that a break did him good, and now he gets to come home to his _boyfriend_. Kurt is opening a bottle of Coke by the table, tall and beautiful in light blue button-up with short sleeves that leave his toned arms on display. His black jeans are as tight as ever, showing off Kurt’s wonderful thighs. Blaine crosses the kitchen and hugs Kurt from behind, presses a kiss into his shoulder. Things could not get any better.

 

“Someone’s happy,” Kurt muses. “The food should be here any minute. I thought we might splurge on pizza.”

 

“Mm, sounds awesome,” Blaine says, still nuzzling into Kurt’s shoulder. He loves that he’s allowed to do this – be as close as he pleases, whenever he wants. It feels natural, but at the same time, better than anything he’s ever felt. His need to be as close to Kurt as possible seems to have tripled in the last three days. They have spent a lot of time entwined into each other, but Blaine’s found himself insatiable. He just needs to be as close as he can get as often as possible.

 

“Also, Rachel’s coming over in about twenty minutes.” Kurt nudges Blaine back a little, to get some space to turn around and place his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. Blaine smiles, and Kurt presses a small kiss on his lips. It seems that neither of them wants to be too far from the other. Kurt is initiating contact just as often as Blaine now. Blaine loves it. He loves seeing Kurt so carefree around him, so happy. Blaine really, really enjoys the idea that he can make Kurt happy.

 

“Any reason for her visit?” Blaine asks.

 

Kurt shrugs and inclines his head. “I’ve no idea. She seemed to be really excited about something when she called, though.”

 

“So, how was your day?” Blaine asks next, still holding on to Kurt.

 

“Good. Nothing out of the ordinary, really. I’m still getting caught up at work,” Kurt tells him. “But did I mention that I called Mercedes yesterday, told her about us.”

 

Blaine frowns at that. “But she already thinks we’re together?” he asks slowly.

 

“Actually, after I got the message from Sebastian, I went to her to cry my eyes out, and spilled everything about us.” Kurt rolls his eyes at himself and Blaine feels a little bad at that. He decides not to let the guilt get to him. They are in a good place, they talked things out, and even though they were both hurt, they’re finally on the same page.

 

“What did she say?” Blaine asks. He hopes he won’t have to face an angry Mercedes next time they meet.

 

“She’s happy for us,” Kurt smiles and Blaine can’t help but kiss him. Because he’s able to. Kurt leans against him, practically cradling Blaine in the circle of his arms, and Blaine’s never felt safer.

 

*

 

The pizza arrives, and soon after comes Rachel. She practically glides in the door with a huge smile and a bottle of sparkling wine. Kurt gives her a long look when she offers the bottle to him. He takes it, but hesitantly.

 

“Rachel, it’s Tuesday afternoon.”

 

“C’mon, Kurt, there’s a reason for this,” Rachel says and Kurt’s not sure he likes the look in her eyes. Her dark eyes are gleaming, kind of like the time she found the perfect song idea for regionals. It never was a good sign before.

 

“Hey, Rachel, what’s up?” Blaine asks as he comes from the kitchen. He notices the bottle Kurt’s reluctantly holding and grins. “What are we celebrating?”

 

Blaine walks over and settles comfortably into Kurt’s personal space, their arms almost brushing. Kurt can’t help but lean into him a little, just enough to touch. He can do that now, without questioning himself or fearing that something might give him away.

 

“You told me there would be pizza? Let’s eat, and I’ll tell you everything.” Rachel doesn’t wait to be invited, but hurries ahead and seats herself on Blaine’s usual place. Kurt rolls his eyes and heaves a sigh. Blaine only taps him lightly on the shoulder and smiles.

 

They settle in the kitchen after Blaine gets a spare chair from his room. It’s a tight fit, but they make do, and Kurt doesn’t mind sitting so close to Blaine that their elbows knock. At least until someone drops pizza on his clothes – he prays that won’t happen. Kurt opens the pizza box, and at Rachel’s insistence, pops open the sparkly, too. When he has poured them all a glass, he pins Rachel with a look.

 

“Are you going to tell us why we’re drinking alcohol on a weekday afternoon?”

 

Rachel bites her lips and claps her hands together. “The best news ever!” Her eyes widen dramatically as she pauses for effect. The flourish she is putting on is lost on Kurt. He’s witnessed this one time too many.

 

Blaine is better at humoring her. “Okay, share!” he says with an eager smile.

 

Rachel takes a deep breath. “Jesse has asked me to marry him. And I said yes.”

 

Kurt stares, hand hovering mid-air above the pizza box. Rachel, who has forever been married to her career and the theater, is practically beaming at them now with her news. Kurt never would have thought she’d get married this young, especially after everything that went down with Finn. He thought maybe once she had her Tony and a ton of shows under her belt, she might settle down. Maybe after turning thirty. But they’re only twenty-three, and this is too sudden. Kurt can feel Blaine’s eyes on him, but he can’t turn from Rachel right now. He’s stunned.

 

“Congratulations!” Blaine exclaims after the silence has dragged on a little too long.

 

“Rach, what are you doing?” Kurt says slowly. “Don’t take this the wrong way, I’m happy you’re happy, but… You were fighting with Jesse less than a week ago.”

 

“Yeah, it turns out he needed to leave Lima early to make some preparations. I was mad for no reason! He had enlisted the whole theater to his proposal, it was such a spectacle, I’m still not over it all! They were in these awesome costumes and there was singing and dancing and then he went on one knee on the stage…” Rachel lets out a dreamy sigh and flutters her lashes. “Of course, there will be an engagement party, but I needed to come to you first!”

 

“When did this happen?” Blaine asks. Kurt’s glad he keeps up the conversation, because Kurt is still shell-shocked.

 

“Just last night, after I got back here. He called me to come to the theater, and there I went, all tired and in my lazy clothes. But Miranda from the theater, you remember her, she was there and she had a dress for me so that I didn’t look like I live in the streets.”

 

Kurt grabs a piece of pizza. It’s best to let Rachel talk and let it all out. She tells them how Jesse rented the theater, and held rehearsals, and is the best man the world has ever known. The night goes by fast, Rachel talks herself hoarse, and they do drink for her and Jesse. Finally she realizes the time at about eight thirty, and makes a hasty retreat to get to her fiancé. Kurt is glad to close the door behind her back.

 

He leans against the door and just breathes for a while, staring at the floor.

 

“So, that was unexpected,” Blaine says from the kitchen doorway after a minute of silence.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How are you feeling?”

 

Kurt lifts his head at that to gawk at Blaine. “Why?”

 

“You were so upset only about a month ago, because all your friends are already settling down – though they are way too young for that if you ask me – and almost missed your reunion for that reason. And then, when Brittany told that Santana proposed, you completely froze.” Blaine’s arms are crossed, and there’s warm concern on his face.

 

Kurt shakes his head. “I didn’t have you back then. I was painfully pining for you, and hating that I just couldn’t get over you.”

 

Blaine uncrosses his arms and walks the five steps it takes to get to Kurt. He lifts a hand to caress Kurt’s cheek, the touch so light Kurt barely feels it. Still, it leaves him tingling. He leans into Blaine’s palm with a soft smile that Blaine doesn’t return.

 

“Will you ever forgive me?” Blaine asks. His eyes are big and sad.

 

“What are you talking about, silly?”

 

“It took me way too long to see the light. I’ve probably had feelings for you forever, I just… did not recognize them. I guess you were such a big part of my life that I didn’t want to see, didn’t want to ruin what we had.” Blaine seems genuinely upset by this, his fingertips grazing Kurt’s ear. He’s not quite meeting Kurt’s eyes, but taking in every millimeter of Kurt’s skin. “You’re so important to me, Kurt, you have no idea.”

 

“I think I do,” Kurt says. “You had that nightmare back in Lima, after the night at the bar? You woke up calling my name and crying, begging me not to leave you.”

 

Blaine drops his head and lets out a self-deprecating huff of a laugh. “Oh, no.”

 

“Yeah,” Kurt breathes. “As I told you then, I tell you again. Blaine Anderson, I’m not leaving you. I am never going to say goodbye to you.” He lifts Blaine’s face with his fingertips under Blaine’s chin and looks deep into his caramel eyes. They just gaze at each other, suspended in time.

 

“You know why?” Kurt asks after a while.

 

Blaine just shakes his head.

 

“Because I love you.”

 

Blaine blinks, his eyes welling up, and a brilliant smile finds its way on his lips. “I love you, Kurt Hummel.”

 

Kurt returns the smile, and then proceeds to press those smiles into each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Here we are, it's over and done. I can't believe the journey that writing this has been, mostly because of you all. So many comments and thoughts, more kudos than I ever dreamed of getting into any of my fics, and along with that, a new self-confidence about writing. I've been writing fic for a long time, over a decade, but not once have I had a reception like this. So, a big hug to everyone who has read, left kudos and commented. THANK YOU <3
> 
> I'm also sorry for practically disappearing from the comments in the last month. I love reading your comments and it's a joy to answer and have a conversation, but my new job entails staring at a computer screen for eight hours a day and my eyes haven't been doing too well. I've tried to stay away from screens in my free time because of that. I am getting new glasses, hopefully next week, and that should help. Now I finally have a free weekend, so I'll be answering the comments that I feel the need to adress to.
> 
> There is a new fic coming along, but I've only just started and it'll probably be a long while before I'll post it, but it will be here at some point.


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